sisterhood FTW!

Indefinite hiatus

2009-09-29T00:04:00.003+08:00

Jess and I have been swamped with the monster of uni, and blogging has to be put on hold. Thus, we have reached a decision to put SFTW on an indefinite hiatus, until we are able to find the time to write again.

With that, it's been a privilege to share this little corner of the intarwebs with you.

Till next time, live long and prosper.

Favourites of the moment: Link loves!

2009-09-21T20:19:00.001+08:00

The mummy bloggers. Because they formed some crazy support system over the internet, and for the mums staying home alone with a crying baby (or crying babies), knowing that she is not alone is so valuable that it is possibly God-sent. And why wouldn’t anyone want to ogle at cute baby pictures? But no, not enough to make me clucky yet.

My pick: Dooce and Karen Cheng.

The random articles. And I love lists. And random facts to throw at people in conversations. And when I accumulate enough useless knowledge, I can go compete in some trivial pursuit championships. And yes, be an interesting person.

My pick: cracked.com and mentalfloss.

The chick bloggers. It’s like durian – either you love it or you don’t. I admit I read them. Why? I’m not sure. And that is very possibly the answer that 50% of readers would tell you (I think). Maybe it’s just the innate nature to be a busybody and know about others’ lives. And if they let you do so by publishing them online, what’s stopping you from not looking? I could insert some theory I conjure up here, but it’s alright.

My pick: xiaxue and cheesie. (They give makeup/hair tutorials!)

What’s your favourites at the moment? Please share. (:

Question: Is it against God if I choose to not have kids? – My take

2009-09-17T00:11:00.003+08:00

I’ve been contemplating this question for the past week, after Jess put it up.

(Pardon the poorly constructed post. School’s been drowning me brain.)

I have not felt clucky (not that I can remember in my life anyway), but neither have I abhored kids and wished they would go from babies straight into adults. And if that is so, I might very well wish that people be born and die straight away. But as you can see, there will then be no point in life anymore.

I don’t think I have a sound argument for this, maybe not even a sound opinion. I suppose when God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, it is probably the most in-your-face command to have kids (what else do you or can you multiply?). And I like to think that it is human nature to want to have kids, some time or other. How else did mankind sustain themselves for so long? (Unfortunately I myself found shooting back the last few statements I made. GG, Angel.) Also, does it ever matter what we want, and when did what we want turn out to be the best for us?

Also I think it’s a sequential thing.. you want to be with the one you love, and make ‘legacies’ and just products of your love, evidence of your love for each other. It is only when this world has corrupted the perspective of love, marriage and sex, that so many ‘grey areas’ surfaced.

God ultimately gave us the freedom of choice. And hello, contraception. We choose what we want to do – He wouldn’t zap me for not having kids. I don’t think it’s against God to not want kids. Kid(s) aren't the missing piece in your life that will make your life complete after all.

Whether we want kids or not, if they come around, we just have to deal with it. I just want to see it as something that comes when it comes. I’m sure we are not the first group of people to have thought about it. Humans probably had thought about it for so many years and we still exist – we’ll be fine. Also, so long as God gets centre place, first place, what comes and what doesn’t come will not matter that much anymore. If kids come, the bible did say that they are blessings from God, and well, if God blesses you, why not take that blessing (obviously that blessing is a very complex and probably irritating one)?

But of course, whatever God throws in my way, is what is best for me. Husband, no husband, kid, no kids.

Do I want kids now? No, not really. But I suppose, check back with me in 20 years and see how things have changed or not.

Question: Is it against God if I choose to not have kids?

2009-09-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

"Procreate. It's not a dirty word Leo, it's all over the Bible. So we can procreate."

-PARADE, a musical

That's my question this week. Is it going against God's law if I choose to marry someone and then we both decide to not have children? First and foremost- it's selfish isn't it? To have all the joys (apparently....) of a marriage and to choose to not continue the line. Or is it? I really don't have a strong idea on all of this- it's just the more I see squalling, temper-tantruming children these days, the less inclined I am desire children in the future. I hate the ages between well...2 til 18 really. I was joking with my sister and she said the solution is called boarding school.

I read an interesting quote from Ricky Gervais (talented English comedian) the other day. "We never wanted to be parents, with all that entails: the loss of freedom, total dependency." I can totally empathise with that. I do agree though that it's all a bit early to be thinking of this stuff but I want to know if it's expressly said anywhere in the Bible that we have to have children. I want to know my potential options.

Scenario 1: Marry someone you love. Have kids because you feel that it's the next step and it's expected of you but you really aren't looking forward to having the next 18+ years of your life tethered. End up regretting what could have been (but not taking it out on your lovely adorable kids). You'll still have an awesome fulfilling life, just in a different direction than you thought.

Scenario 2: Marry someone you love. Decide mutually to not have kids and have the freedom, time, finances and sleep to undertake everything you've wanted for your life. Yes, you will end up regretting not having children every now and then but then again, that's what your nephews and nieces are for (and you can hand them back at the end of the day).

Yes, this is incredibly black and white but give me the allowance of not having had enough experience to get to any shades of grey just yet.

Lies!: Some more thoughts

2009-09-07T22:22:00.006+08:00

To take the point raised in the first comment of Jess's post a step further, say we tell a lie and our conscience twinges. That's a good sign, right? So we repent and say "Sorry, God." and move on. Then one day, we're in another tight spot. Now here's the test: Would we lie again?

Some might say "yes" - bless you, you're honest enough to admit it (ironic, no?) - and go through the whole conscience-twinging-saying-sorry-God routine. There is a problem though: Could this then become a comfortable escape route ("So long as I say sorry to God it'll be okay.")?

Others will say "no" - you're either brave souls and I salute you, or you're lying (but of course you can explain everything).

So are we stuck between a rock and a hard place? Or is this a choice between a narrow white path and a wide greyscaled road? Faced by a screaming toddler and the option of saying that Coles is out of Mars bars, I for one will freely admit that the fib is the option that appeals. Because, you know, Murder is also a Sin.

The chamberpot has hit the rotating chandelier.

Further discussion by Jess:

I had a very similar discussion a few nights ago with a friend. If we continue to rely on God's good grace to get us out of scrapes then does that not make God's grace cheap? It's not as if we chase after temptation, if we can, we try to avoid it (does that mark us as Christians?) My brain hurts.

We're called to be perfect. Yes. Are we perfect? NO. The only person to have been utterly perfect is Jesus Christ- we can only strain to get there. None of us are guaranteed to reach even a tenth of His perfection, it's impossible. How can we? We are wired for sin. Therein lies the power of God's grace and the power of His redemption, despite our failings, our times of drunkenness with friends, our lying, our smoking illicit substances, our pettiness, our swearing, our impatience, our frustrations and our endless seduction into the world of today, He chooses to extend the hand of grace and mercy to us.

It's when we get into the mindset that "God won't sweat the small stuff" and He'll turn an indulgent blind eye to our "wee itty-bitty" dealings that inevitably, we will get caught out and smacked in the face with the contents of the chamberpot we've been secreting under the bed.

Lies!

2009-09-07T15:43:00.002+08:00

I've just had to lie my way into a location to get photos for a class project. Without the lie, I wouldn't be able to complete my project. I know it's wrong but..... is there ever justification for said lies? The lie hurts no-one but of course, I cannot see the repercussions for the future. It might end up hurting someone but if I hadn't lied my ass off (telling some massive whoppers- "Hi, I'm an assistant for a director in Perth, looking to stage a theatrical production sometime here in the next year and he's sent me out on a recon assignment...") I would have failed my assignment for uni which would result in a no-graduation for me. Hmmm, the grey area is thickening.

I guess the trouble with "white" lies is that they can lead to a slippery slope which leads into outright lying (with a malicious or harmful intent). Everyone lies, as a favourite TV doctor with a limp famously proclaims. I've yet to meet a Christian that doesn't lie. Not like telling their mother that they can't pick them up from hospital because they're tied up at work when instead they're Facebooking but little lies like.... "Sorry Davey, we've run out of jelly beans" to avoid a public meltdown at Children's church when he's refused a lolly because he's already massively obese for a 4-yr-old. (Not taken from real life). Do we as Christians try to balance out life, tightrope-walking that line between white lie and BLACKEVILHORRIBLE lie or do we err on the side of caution and make life a lot harder to deal with than it already is?

The two sides to a Modern Woman Pt II

2009-09-03T23:35:00.003+08:00

I wanted to wait until after a job interview to write this post. I had an interview today for a potential summer position as a design teacher at a place called Stage Door School in Kensington. It's basically a bridge between high school and places like WAAPA, NIDA and the VCA (Victorian College of the Arts). I did do my research before I said yes to the interview and it seemed like an OK place- it's small but they think that they're good. The interview was alright- the director seems alright and they have ambition which is excellent. I've been offered the position, I just have to take it.

However, one thing that kept bugging me and I raised this during the interview- I hate working with kids. I'd be expected to teach design to primary school kids and high school kids. In my mind, I can't think of two things more disparate. I love design. I hate working with children. Playing with children is fine, I can do that if I have to. Having to teach them? Ohhh, there is a very good reason why I am not in education. I have no patience for them. I have no idea of how they learn or absorb things. I also have no idea how to discipline them without scarring them. The director sort of flapped his hands and said there are ways around that but....how can I teach if I have passion for what I'm teaching but not for who I'm teaching it to? I don't know if I can take the job in good faith anymore.

That's a very real point in my life right now. Where I want to go career-wise. I see niches everywhere were I can insinuate myself. I've had a good number of opportunities that in some way or other I find reasons to close the door on. Am I being too picky? Yup. I just don't want a job where I'll be stuck or where one aspect will make me unhappy and that aspect grows so big in my perception that I can't see the benefits anymore. It might be pedantic but if I compromise now....the future will be full of them.

My modern woman says to pursue my happiness career-wise and being independent will give me more options in life, to squeeze out everything that life and God has in store for me. She's also telling me that I shouldn't settle for second best or mediocrity (and somehow, she equates this with abandoning said plans, finding a man and getting married). What a twisted modern woman she is, somewhat shallow but extremely persuasive. There are good and bad points of course. Good points- independence, satisfaction, fulfillment in finding a purpose. Bad points- where does it all end? Will I ever have roots? The uncertainty will keep bugging me.

I guess the answer isn't thinking that God is making me choose between the two destinies He has for me but choosing to take His destiny (singular) that He has already prepared for me, that has all the contingencies and none of the uncertainty.

The two sides to a Modern Woman

2009-08-30T21:03:00.003+08:00

Is the Modern Woman too greedy? That'll be my question over the next two posts as Ange knuckles down on assignments.

I'm getting to to that age where all of my friends seem to be settling down and settling in (and dying slowly- no wait, I'm kidding). I'm of two frames of mind- one is I want that and the other one is hell no, I don't want that. It's not the relationship that I want but it's the two paths that lie in front of me with a very big fork in the road. One is to pursue happiness in the relationship and couple-y future part of things and the other is to pursue happiness in my career and fulfilling future part of things. I know that a lot of women manage to do both at the same time (yay for multi-tasking) but right now, I don't have the resources, energy or know-how to handle both at the same time.

Are we asking for too much? To have equal pay, to raise good families, to have a good man, to keep him, to have respect if we choose not to wear stilettos, to have respect if we choose to wear stilettos, to have the ability to walk in stilettos in the first place, to know how to sew and cook, to handle households, to submit, to be able to command an office/workfloor/workshop/home/playschool/taxi/governmental department? I'm actually being serious, are we asking too much as a sex of ourselves? Can one person have everything without some sort of compromise? I know of too many career women who have sacrificed the beauty of love, marriage, family life and the successes and satisfactions associated with it. I've also known girls who married way too young or got into all-encompassing relationships, losing themselves along the way and are now stuck in a mediocre suburban rut, celebrating like crazy when they get a day to themselves. However, if you do go for both, you have to compromise- you'll never get 100% happy in both arenas surely.

It gets confusing being a woman sometimes. I catch myself thinking that I don't need to concentrate on a fully independent future because one day I'll have a husband to help me out. How twisted is that?! I'll then shake myself, go "What on earth were you just thinking!?" and continue on. The old adage that "The grass is greener on the other side" rings so very true here, now that I'm on the brink of deciding my future career-wise, my wants and desires for the other side surface.

How many good men have I let get away?
Will I get another chance?
How will I know?
When?

1 Qn, 2 Ans: Comfort Object

2009-08-27T11:36:00.002+08:00

Believe it or not, right now, my comfort object is my Facebook account. It sounds a bit asinine and a bit trivial but as I come to the close of my years at WAAPA (and Facebook sprouted like weeds while I was at WAAPA), I find that this will, in most cases, be my one form of communication with fellow WAAPA friends that I've worked and formed a rapport with. People from other departments that weren't Design, random friends made along the way with incredibly bright futures that I'll enjoy following and future productions at WAAPA. People tend to scatter to the four corners of the earth after their WAAPA days but Facebook is worldwide. If a friend makes it big on the stages of West End or Broadway, I'll be able to congratulate them instead of having to hear about it on the news. Friend is a very loose term these days (a downside to Facebook obviously) but WAAPA is odd in that it binds people together in a way that no other institution does. Facebook will be a tool that I'll use but not be ruled by (I have no misconceptions that being a Facebook friend will entitle me to wedding invites, parties, beer weekends or other such outings). Isn't the age of technology grand though.

My other comfort object that is going to end very soon will be PARADE, my major musical for the year. Closing Night is on Saturday and I only wish it could go on for longer. I've snuck in to see it every night and it still continues to amaze, enthrall and totally inhabit me each night. I'm not ready to let go yet!! Thank you to everyone of my friends and family that have seen it, I was so incredibly nervous on that Tuesday night, it felt even worse than Opening Night because this was my one chance to really show what I do at WAAPA, why I didn't become an architect, why I spend all of my energy and passions on a single project, why I all but disappeared for a month into this musical. I can only hope that I keep on receiving more projects that will consume me like this one.

1 Qn, 2 Ans: Comfort Object

2009-08-24T03:59:00.001+08:00

I’m waiting for Jess to come around after Parade (and congratulations to a good opening!) so here’s another post from meeeeeeeee. Basically this topic is simple – one question, and two of us give our answers (and I do think that it will be rather different). And of course, YOU can answer it as well in the comment section after this post. :D

(Question from http://featuredquestions.xanga.com/)

Many children had a blanket or a toy - do you have a comfort object as an adult?

I think it’s the presence of the bolster on my bed that helps me to sleep at night. I don’t wrap myself around it.. it’s too difficult to sleep like that, but I realised I just need it in front of me as I sleep. However, I couldn’t bring my bolster to Perth because mum thinks that it’s ridiculous. Also, bolsters are not common in Australia. So then, I resorted to sleeping with my hand touching my face, which results in dreaming, apparently.

I suppose other comfort objects for me are nostalgic stuff like my dad’s old shirt I brought over as PJs, the nice soft throw he gave me to keep warm, home-cooked Asian food, and scents of people I miss or am comfortable with. (Nearly everyone smell different okay.) (And I love my dad.)

Do you have a comfort object?

Favourites of the moment: From the idiot box and beyond

2009-08-20T01:47:00.000+08:00

Jess is buried under a stack of paint cans and a giant Styrofoam tree at the moment, so you’ve got me for both posts this week. And I’m typing this offline because my internet is not on – maybe it’s the weather, I don’t know. But here you go – more favourites of the moment from yours truly.

Favourite TV show of the moment

World’s Strictest Parents on Channel 7

This is a tough decision because my TV watching quota increased by like 500% since moving here, very possibly due to the very easy access of the TV and the fact that I can watch TV from the kitchen. But yeah my choice tonight is World’s Strictest Parents, which is a show where they send problem kids from Australia to other countries with very different (read strict) families. And tonight, they sent the Aussie kids to Singapore!

I like the concept of the show, for the fact that they show those kids that there are just so much out beyond their world, and well, they are raised in a much more privileged country than many others – in terms of freedom really. Tonight’s was particularly engaging for they sent the kids to my home country and it was very interesting seeing them schooling in Singapore (and only surviving half a day in RIJC), as well as just seeing the familiar sights and sounds (and accent) of the country.

Although I’m very much cynical about how much change they can make with just one week in another country, but I suppose the point of helping them to see that there is a world out there beyond the underaged clubbing and drinking and piercings.. yeah.

Favourite activity to do at this moment

Sleeping

It feels like I’ve not had a good sleep for sooo long. And after clocking more than 24 hours in 2 days, I can definitely feel the difference from before. I felt generally fine before the sleep marathon, but after that, I felt sooo awake. I think it’s to do with getting used to being tired, and thinking that yeahh, that’s how it is supposed to be like. But once you get that rest, you feel that difference, and you know how that makes so much difference..

I suppose it’s the same with resting in God. It feels so good, but when we start getting busy with life, and forgetting how awesome it is to rest in His presence, we accept the fact that being tired and busy is part of life. I suppose then, the need of constant reminders, or the cultivation of resting in God as a habit – because you know, the marathon of this life needs more energy than what we can provide on our own.

Favourites of the moment: Good things

2009-08-17T03:48:00.001+08:00

I miss Monday merriments. I rather liked being thankful and reflecting on the weekend, then writing about it and inspiring what’s to come for the week. Anyhow, favourites of the moment is a new category, which came around during our version2.0 brainstorming session. It was a concept that was meant to get onto our sidebars, making it mini-posts, or things that reflect us – two very different persons. Nonetheless, here it is for you.

Favourite line of the moment

“All I have for you is good things.” – God.

And it is so true. It’s as if God is persuading or even pursuing me to get into His presence – to get in there with Him for the ride of my life. I would be there, before a seminar or during a church service, figuring that, maybe God is prompting me to go up. I get scared, freaked out, or just turn Him down. But Him, being the gracious one, reminds me time and time again, that all He has for me is good things. (And can be backed by tons of verses in the bible, of which I can’t recall right now.. it’s 3.14am)

And it has been definitely all good things. A few good cries, several good hugs, a good shift of perspective, the realisation of awesome good friends amongst all things, and of course the revelation of a very good God.

Favourite picture(s) of the moment

Both by Jeremy, the day I moved into my new place.

I suppose it’s the juxtaposition of the pictures, or the unexpected wall-art, or just the very nice shade of red. As Jeremy put on the caption of the photos, these are really sweet photos. (: And it is a sweet life in this apartment so far, and will be for quite a while.

For some readers’ participation, if you like, share with us your favourites of the moment following each post – say for this post, tell us what your favourite line, or your favourite picture(s) is. That’ll be sweet. (:

Cheers, have a good week ahead.

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my Potential Husband: LEADERSHIP

2009-08-13T00:29:00.003+08:00

If I was to look at myself objectively, I'd probably find that I'm a pretty capable, strong(ish) woman. A modern woman if you will. I'm career-focused, I don't depend on a man to get what I want or need and I'd rather drink beer than coffee most days. Ok, that last one doesn't mean anything significant, it just means that I'm well on my way to alcoholism.

I need a guy to have leadership above all. I need someone who is stronger than me because like Angel, I do need that security in my life. Seeing how adverse I am to most things "relationship", it had better be one strong guy who can nail me down and make me less commitment-phobic. I need someone who has control over his life (or is at least on his way), both spiritual, physical and mental. After all, who am I going to follow if not a guy who at least knows where he's going? Keep in mind that there's a difference between being IN leadership and HAVING leadership. I hate references to the Proverbs 31 woman (because I have a long way to go and she seems oh-so-very far away above me) but if I'm going to submit to a man's authority, he'd better well damn be a good man that I respect fully, admire and want to follow.

If I can beat up my husband, verbally, mentally or physically, there's a problem. I don't want a hen-pecked dude who rolls over, I want someone to bounce off, someone to inspire me, someone who I can look at and go, "Yeah, I love him, I'm so proud of him, he's going to be a good father and head of the house and he's MINE." I will happily support and follow after a man who has his goals and looks ever-forward and ever to God who is and will always have the most leadership in my own life. Most importantly, if and when I do stray from that narrow path, my husband will smack me on the head (not literally because Australia says NO) and show me the error of my ways. And I will listen.

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my potential husband: Security

2009-08-10T01:52:00.001+08:00

I was talking to a friend online just now, and he asked me what do girls look for in a guy. Security was what popped out straight away. It sounds cliche, but yeahh, that warrants security as my last of the top 3 attributes I look for in my potential husband.

There is something very very attractive about a secure man. Financial security is definitely a bonus (I am practical okay), but I think security on both parties eliminates a lot of.. issues in the relationship - issues such as jealousy and possessiveness, and the need for approval, the need to perform or appear to be better than you really are. When you are secure, you are comfortable with what others think of you, and thus you are truly portray who you are, and let others fall in love with the real you.

Ultimately, the security is found in God, because only His opinion of you is what really matters. And if a man that reflects that security finds the need to improve in his life, it is only because he chose to stick with what God wants him to turn out, and not what the society portrays as cool or attractive. Then, even if he wants to do bodybuilding and/or be a total geek, it would not be because the society says that is cool (and yes geek is cool these days) but because the main motive behind doing anything will not be to fit in or to be approved of. The main motive of his every doing is to bring glory to God, and when that happens, who can argue that?

Confession: I was going to write about the security the potential husband can give me, but yes. Other than the physical security (like protect me when there is danger), emotional security needs to be found in God first before man. It doesn’t mean that he can’t be nice and romantic, or tell me that he loves me. So long the foundation is right, whatever follows – the romantic gestures, the ‘I love you’s – yeah bring it on.

And that is why I know very well that I’m not ready for anything more, I myself need to be firmly secured in the right source.

But still, he needs to smell good. That’s pretty much non-negotiable.

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my Potential Husband: Creativity

2009-08-05T23:52:00.002+08:00

This is a fairly personal thing for me but I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who wasn't creative in some way. Creativity is such a subjective term, there are many levels of creative and really, who knows that creative really is?

Dictionary.com defines it as: "resulting from originality of thought, expression, imaginative". This could encompass anything, from music to design to visual imagery to creation and extends straight on through to passion. For me, creativity and passion are almost the same thing. I associate one with the other because in my own life, one cannot exist without the other. I know everyone expresses themselves in some way, I mean, it has to come out of you right? What use is creativity and passion if it doesn't come out of you somehow?

I'm not saying that people like accountants or doctors aren't creative. I happen to know a scientist who is very creative. I've also seen people in the creative arts who just follow their training and don't put their heart into the things that they create. Skill is very different from talent. Skill involves training, heck, give me a scalpel and 6 years of training and I'll be able to cut you open and take out....something and then sew you back up. If I don't put my heart into something, aren't I just going through the motions? Talent and passion equals a level of creativity that I search for, both in a partner and in myself.

I'm still searching for that elusive spark in someone that resounds within me, where my creative side finds its kindred spirit. I want to find an original, not a photocopy, someone to open my eyes to a different facet of an everyday thing and get me to appreciate it anew. One of my very favourite blog posts ever from Stuff Christians Like is the one where Acuff mentions that right after God ordains the priests of Israel in Exodus 31, He anoints the artists. Yay for creatives!!

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my potential husband: Brains over muscles

2009-08-03T01:06:00.000+08:00

I would rather say substance over muscles, but you know how muscles are still substance.. Brains is not a very good word to use really, although I do prefer my guy a little bit geeky. And here’s why you should date a geek.

I suppose I like a guy who can bring good conversation to the table, be it thoughts-stimulating or challenging perceptions. Someone who is well-read, and conscious of his surroundings and what’s happening in the world, instead of someone who harps on about how his bodybuilding regime is going, and how his deltoid is developing very nice.

There’s a chinese saying - 四肢发达，头脑简单 (Developed limbs, simple brain) Here’s your classic himbo, that is, the male bimbo.

So my point is, I’m not looking for someone who spends 2 hours everyday in the gym building muscles. I understand that it shows tremendous discipline, and it is extremely attractive (and useful) for a guy to be able to carry heavy stuffs for you. (No, the handbag not included.) But if you are spending all these time building your body up, what are you not spending your time on? Sure, exercise to keep fit, bulk up if you’re skinny, but please don’t have your life revolve around building up your body and neglecting your intellect, your ‘emotional education’, your studies, and most importantly your spiritual body.

I suppose it’s still about balance, and of course, above all, God-centred. After all, if you decide to start drinking massive amounts of protein shakes to build muscles, I heard that your crap really really really stinks after that. Then you’ll smell bad.

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my Potential Husband: speling gramer and punktuashun

2009-07-29T23:44:00.003+08:00

I will not date anyone who does not have at least 85% accurate spelling and grammar. Once a guy asked me out online. -50 points for it being online, another -50 for it being on Facebook. The thing that was the final nail in the coffin was the amount of spelling mistakes in a simple <100 word sentence. For a man who was over the age of 25, to have spelt that many incorrect words with zero punctuation- massive no. Nice guy but NO.

I'm not perfect myself for sure. I misspell things all the time, especially online where perhaps, the laws of spelling and grammar are a bit relaxed due to the colloquialisms and idiosyncrasies of this virtual age. In professional documents or professional web pages though, such things are instantly an alarm bell that perhaps they aren't as pro as you would think them to be. Such is my level of nitpicking or anal retentiveness about this, that I won't even bother looking at blogs that spell things wrong.

There's just something about presenting yourself well, if not eloquently, then at least correctly. My grammar is probably incorrect at times, in terms of pronouns or possessive adjectives or positional whatever but at least it's spelt right. It's called a spell check folks!! If I send something out, I proofread like a Nazi, searching for anything that could show me as anything but the highest level of alert and attentive. Whether it's a resume or an email to a director, for me, it has to be note-perfect. I have high standards of myself in terms of this particular aspect and I expect the same in any future partner.

For me, it comes from being a massive bookworm in my youth. I still love to read and can devour books like a Cookie Monster with a "B" but my time is limited these days. It trained me in the Queen's English though, reading all these classics and though my syntax has perhaps suffered due to the rise of MSN chat etc, back then, I used to be referred to as the walking dictionary. I could spell hundreds of words correctly and bemoaned the fact that our school didn't have spelling bees because I knew that I'd blitz the field.

I don't like too many big words. I prefer eloquence but not at the expense of your clarity. I hate cheese but I love articulate prose. Having someone who can speak, write and read to my level isn't really something I actively look for but it's something that I won't enter a relationship without.

Yes, I did spellcheck this.

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my potential husband: Smelling good

2009-07-27T02:31:00.001+08:00

This is making me sound very very superficial. I know, it’s on the outside of a person.. kinda, but it exudes from within(literally). I admit I am rather picky on this, but I’m rather sensitive to smell there you go.

Smelling good does not mean to smell naturally nice, but I think it tells of the following:

1. Hygiene practices

Yeah, there are bad body odours (B.O.) due to not showering and all that (although in some cases it might be something genetic.. or something), but if not, a guy should smell.. at least he shouldn’t smell bad. Or smell like the culmination of not showering for a week.

It has come to my attention that it might very well be a case of smelling a guy’s ‘natural’ smell – they call it pheromones. I’m not sure if that is that, but it is a diluted version of the smell of the person’s room, especially if it has not been cleaned up or aired. And if you are attracted to the guy, you might like his smell better. (Or is it the other way around – like attracted to the smell and thus liking the person. Geez it sounds so primate.)

Either way, regardless of the natural smell, a guy has a choice of smelling good.. which leads me to the next point.

2. Cologne

I realised I’m not against the use of deodorant sprays after sports or something, but it’s knowing what to use and when. It tells of your taste. Use age-appropriate scents - don’t use scents that make you smell 20 years older. Scents are complex, and it can tell, to a certain extent, your character, or at least your taste. Find something unique, something you like, and if you like, stick to a few and make them your signature scents.

BTW, don’t soak yourself in your cologne. Too much cologne is just as repulsive. I’ve read an article saying that an appropriate dosage will be if someone else can smell it only within 1m radius from you. Also, dear brothers, if you can help it, don’t use CK One or CK Be. They are extremely overrated. And my dad uses it.

3. Diet practices

If you eat more meat, your B.O. (if you have one) becomes more intense. (insert citation) And coffee breath, garlic breath and onion breath aren’t very appealing too. Also, if your foods are heavily spiced, the polyphenolic compounds (I can imagine) could escape through your skin – thus some races smelling distinctly different. Although I’ve heard that it is likewise for every other race. Other races just smells.. different.

And my point? Watch what you eat, it affects how you smell like.

And so, my potential husband, hopefully, very very hopefully, will encompass good hygiene habits, has impeccable taste in colognes and doesn’t exhibit carnivorous behavior everyday, and just smells awesome to me. And to the general public as well.

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Bravery

2009-07-22T23:16:00.003+08:00

I am,s such a chickjern/. Sorry, taking off my gloves to write properly now.

I am such a chicken.

If you've ever had the misfortune to have an emotional conversation with me, you'll find that I squirm more than a worm on a hook. I hate confrontational issues and will find almost any excuse to get out of them. I normally see myself as quite alright in terms of bravery, I mean, I don't have some demented hero complex but neither am I a wallflower. When it comes to matters of the heart though, all my vaunted "bravery" goes jumping out the nearest window and boards a one-way flight to Iceland.

I wish I wasn't like this though- despite all appearances, I know that it's not healthy to be so emotionally stunted. I want to be brave in the matters of the heart where it counts. I want to develop that attribute of bravery to be able to leap and not look back, to not think things through too much and get frightened off and/or chicken out.

Too many times, I've been rejected/rejected and let it affect me more than it should have- all because of fear, fear of what will happen next, fear of what others will think of me, fear of the unknown and the untried. Heck, I've been afraid of the things that will never be because I didn't try. It's silly and it's honest and for some reason, I'm the only one with this odd mutation that I can see.

I think that there's a certain bravery when you step into the unknown by placing your fears in the hands of God. Fear is such a singular thing- different from worry or anxiety. Fear is a lot harder to let go of a lot of the time and that's because it's the other way around- fear doesn't let go of you. That's why it's a weapon of choice for spiritual attacks. I know I still have a long way to grow and to go in terms of building a relationship -both with God and that eventual someone. The attribute I want to develop the most is bravery to place my fear in the hands of the One who will guide, teach and love me despite everything.

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Stewardship

2009-07-20T02:30:00.001+08:00

I would have said money management, but I suppose there is so much more than that that ‘stewardship’ entails. Being the unofficial No.1 attribute I want to nurture in myself, I find myself (and I should think that closer friends find that too) lacking the most in this area.

So here goes:

Money/finances – my track record isn’t pretty, and sad to admit I am the kind of person who drains her spending account to single digit amounts before getting the next month’s allowance. So imagine being entrusted with the rest of the expenses for the rest of my studies here in Perth – it’s not a pretty picture at this point in time. With rent being a constant burden, there is a very urgent need to manage my money much more than what I am doing at this point in time.

Time – I suppose spending weeks rotting at home isn’t a good way of spending time, or even just to watch TV from the moment I am awake till bedtime. I’ve improved in this matter, but definitely, time could be put to better use than playing Insaniquarium on the computer.

Health – I know and I know and I know. Exercise and healthy eating. Both needed to keep yourself healthy and all. And of which I might be fairing satisfactorily in the healthy eating part (given no fried chicken cravings and Oreos snacking) but I’m failing in the exercise part. Again.

It’s not that stewardship is a model answer. It is because these are things that are entrusted to me, from God and in the case of finances, parents, and kind people who gave me study loans, and deserves better stewardship than what it’s getting now. That’s what I need to work on – being faithful with what I have, and not taking for granted the things that seem to come free (good health and 24 hours a day).

I will be working on it as a long-term project though, given procrastination (oops) and just the magnitude of it. But please be patient with me, God is not done with me yet.

Yes, I am very clearly not ready for marriage. Lol. But I am rather excited to writing about the Top 3 attributes I’m looking for in a guy next week. :D

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Patience

2009-07-16T23:41:00.003+08:00

I desperately need to cultivate this in myself. I'm impatient in a lot of ways and relationships, whether with a guy or with girlfriends are no different.

I'm a bit of a control freak. I drive everywhere because I hate relying on other people to be ready to leave at a moment's notice if I want to scoot off. I'll drive somewhere if I know I want to control when I leave rather than have people over and have to wait for them to leave. I know, I am horrible. Next time I'm over someones house, I just know that they'll be waiting for me to leave. I'm impatient waiting for people and situations.

There is a need for patience though. To have the patience to get to know someone gradually and not to assume things about them. A need for patience when a situation requires thought and thoroughness rather than gut instinct and slapdash quality. I need patience to give people second, third, ninth, thousandth chances. I need patience to invest into relationships so that when things don't go right, I'm focusing on why they're not going right instead of not going to plan because how can you "plan" a relationship? These things don't happen on a schedule. After 2.6 years, you are not supposed to be expecting a ring on that exact date. You should be questioning something however if you've hit the 5-7 year date and no wedding bells (provided you've both agreed to head in that general direction). Sorry, I digress.

I need to learn patience because how is someone supposed to deal with me and my impatient ways if they themselves are not patient? You reap what you sow for sure. How many times must God sit there (surrounded by clouds, peering down at us whilst angels warble happily beside him- cos that's obviously what God is like.....) wondering what on Earth (and Heaven) He's going to do with me when I wander off, determined to forge my own path? He still has the patience to answer my prayers, give me second chances to the nth degree and come to me when I call. How much more so should I be be wanting this particular quality for myself then?

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Humility

2009-07-13T02:03:00.000+08:00

I know that humility is one of those attributes everyone wants to nurture because it is good. For me, I struggle between finding an ‘apparent’ balance between pride and humility. Well, I thought that the opposite of humility is pride.

Coming to realise otherwise was rather ground-shaking. Humility comes as a sober judgment of myself, as what Romans 12:3 says. Also, I realised that humility stems a lot from how secure we are. Outward expressions of insecurity often manifest as a facade of pride, self-righteousness, or self-pity.

I was insecure (and still am sometimes) about what others thought of me. And truth is, I am terrified that people would think that I am proud or arrogant. I’d rather put myself down than to claim whatever honour or compliments that are given graciously to me, for fear of being thought as ‘full of myself’.

Being secure about who I am, especially in God, helps me to see that it is not the people’s opinions that say who I am. It’s His opinion, and I know full well that I am the apple of His eye. With that in mind, sober judgment of myself is possible in the security that whoever I am now is already accepted by Him, and that I am still loved by God. And I am still in the process of becoming that final product He designed me for. Because of that security in Him, I dare to see what I have been able to achieve by His grace, I dare to see how imperfect I am now, I dare to see where I can improve on myself.

I want to nurture that humility that comes from gentle strength and security in God.

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Tenderness

2009-07-08T23:56:00.002+08:00

I want to get the most difficult one out of the way first.

When Ange and I were talking about revamping the site and discussing new posts etc, one on our list was "Top 3 Attributes To Look For In A Guy". That's going to be a very interesting and fun lot of posts to write but what we figured out is that we can't write about those things before we figure out what we have to alter and change in ourselves first. It's like something I heard about once- where instead of asking God to change someone to fit you, you ask God to help get yourself ready and change the things about yourself that need changing first, before you ask God to help you with the other person. Log in your own eye and all that.

I want to cultivate tenderness in me. I recognise that it's something I need to change or at least start to change before I can even think of getting into a relationship because as much as I'd like to think men are made from iron and steel, they're flesh and blood, just like me and they can be hurt by my actions. Coming from a family of three girls, you'd think that I shouldn't have a problem with this but I do. I guess not having any boys in the family, someone had to be the tough as nails one.

As I get older though, the more I see the need, a real need for me to soften up. Not from some misplaced idea that I need to go all girly and gushy to score a guy, but from the realisation that if I want to respect people (guy and girl), if I want to grow as a person and if I'm to let anyone get close to me, I have to nurture tenderness in me. The kind of tenderness that knows what to say to someone who's crying. The kind of tenderness that instinctively heads for the person who's feeling down in a crowded room. The kind of tender strength that someone needs when they're tired of being the strong one all the time. The tenderness that develops from taking the gentle route instead of the harsh one and from listening rather than talking. I don't have it yet. But I want to have it.

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Charisma

2009-07-06T01:50:00.001+08:00

Charisma - A good sense of humour. And consequently better storytelling skills.

It’s not that I don’t have a sense of humour.. It’s just that a sense of humour which is funny enough, understandable to most people, and wholesome, is something to desire.

You know how the sad pattern is that the funnier jokes are usually demeaning to some stereotypical groups of people, be it race, hair colour, gender, and very often to do with sex or sexual components. I’d like to think that you can still be funny even without all that – God does have a sense of humour as well, and I will very much like to believe that His brand of humour isn’t demeaning to anyone at all. :D

I seem to excel rather badly in storytelling though, I usually burst out laughing even before the punch line, or perhaps forget the punch line. You know how some people just have that natural talent for storytelling and people just listen to them? (Thinking about it, I think it’s called charisma.)

Yeah, the 3rd of my 3 attributes I want to nurture in myself is charisma. Not that I don’t have it at all, but I want to develop it more. Not that I am socially inept either, it is just something that I see as valuable in life, especially in my future career, and just hoping to be a well-liked person in general.

Using very church-y terms, to be able to widen our sphere of kingdom influence, I suppose, requires some amount of attractiveness – especially in character. And charisma is one of those qualities that can really draw people to you. Sure people have used it for evil (read: Hitler and most evil leaders really), but imagine that charisma used for good, and for His purpose.

Mmmmm. It’ll be awesome.

SNEAK PREVIEW: SisterhoodFTW 2.0

2009-06-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

I suppose the hiatus is getting long enough when people come up to ask “When is your hiatus ending?”. But apparently, one friend was referring to both this site, and Epic coffee dates – both of hiatuses due to exams.

Well then now, exams have passed. And while the both of us start oiling up our blogging engines (oh pun.), I would be absolutely pleased to let you know that SisterhoodFTW Version 2.0 will launch on the 6th of July 2009!

Here’s what’s coming up:

BRAND NEW BLOGSKIN!
BRAND NEW CONCEPT!
BRAND NEW THEMES!
BRAND NEW POSTS!
BRAND NEW GUEST POSTS!

Well we’ll explain more when it comes around. Till then, stay warm (if you’re in Australia) and stay cool (if you’re in Singapore, or anywhere else in the world which is having summer.)

SEE YOU on 6th July 2009!

HIATUS

2009-05-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

Ange and I are beset by assignments, exams, study and academia in general- all sent from the darkest, dankest and most miserable place on earth- university.

With our (hopefully) good stewardship of time, we'll be taking a small break from this to focus on our studies until our exams and assessment periods are over. We're students and therefore very lucky to even be able to study in freedom here. Well, that's what I keep telling myself at 2am poring over my assignments.

See you soon! Keep warm, study hard and afterwards, you can party harder to celebrate that it's all over for half a year.

HOW-TO Fridays: Sneaking Sleep

2009-05-22T10:32:00.004+08:00

I consider myself as having a bit of experience when it comes to this matter. 5 years of study at architecture where no-one had sleep, 3 years of WAAPA where no-one has sleep and before moving to the afternoon services at FGA, church early on a Sunday morning where everybody who isn't serving, wants to sleep. All those ways of sneaking in sleep when you should be doing something else. Yes, it does depend quite a bit on context and company but as you'll soon see, there are ways around everything.

Class:

This depends on location, location, location. If you're in a lecture hall of a substantial size, anywhere from middle to back on the sides will serve you well. Pop your files and books in front of you as a barrier, prop your temple on your palm and cover your eyes like you're concentrating. Close eyes and hey presto, a nap whilst appearing that you're concentrating really hard. In no circumstance do you sit dead centre or in the front or in a combination of both. It equals something either being thrown at your head or attention called to you mid-lecture.

If you're sitting in a classroom where the walls are considerably smaller and the teacher in closer proximity, drink a Red Bull. There's no way you can get past the teacher in this case unless you claim a previously undiagnosed case of narcolepsy. Absolutely do not fall asleep with your teacher and guest lecturer sitting right next to you, as I did in my first year at WAAPA, with my design tutor and head of the props department less than a metre from me. i got a lot of stick from my classmates and an enquiry to my health from my tutor.

Library:

This is easier. Find yourself a sunny cubicle away from the masses (3rd floor northern facade of Reid Library at UWA, eastern facade, education stacks at the archi library, anywhere at ECU library because it's dead anyway) position yourself on the tabletop with all valuable goods and belongings carefully stowed away out of eyesight, books and pens strewn about and knock off. Use an iPod or something similar to block out any noise that might happen to creep into a library. Those "only for quiet study" rooms at Curtin- no. Either you snore and people kick you out or your headphones don't work the other way when it comes to keeping your music leaking out.

Party:

Sometimes you don't mean to be a party pooper but you're just so very tired that you can't help it. This now gets tricky. Don't sleep in public, that's a given. If it's out in public somewhere, just don't go. However, if it's a house party- you can sleep if you need. Party with just close friends? Find a bedroom or a couch, ask permission and zone on out. Party with people you don't know and there's more of them than of people you know? Find a room that has a lockable door, find a place to crash and stick a pillow over your head. Very important to find a locked door, doesn't even matter if it's the bathroom (not the toilet though) because whilst you can kip down into the bath-tub in desperate times, you can't un-see 2 randoms getting it on in front of you. Therefore, lock your door.

Church:

Let me preface this with a disclaimer- in no way do I endorse sleeping in church. You're there for a reason, not to snooze. That being said however, we all know that sometimes, life gets the better of you and sitting quietly for 2 hours in a warm, safe location is tantamount to placing a downy feather bed in front of you after an all-nighter. So- how to sleep in church? Scooch on down in your seat, brace your legs against your chair slipping, head onto chest (this is so you don't end up leaning and drooling over the person to your left or right) and doze. If you're in a lecture hall for church, use the above mentioned guide for Class. In no way for both should you be sitting in the front row- spare the pastor some hurt feelings and snooze in the back.

“We’re Cultured” Thursdays: Internet comics

2009-05-21T02:24:00.000+08:00

Yes, I think its the point of the week where we need something relatively light-hearted. Comics are so varied and diverse, but yet so easily understood and accepted (and yes I think manga is included). Well, at least most of the time. Here are some of my favourites which you can actually find on the internet (and not infringe copyright laws).

BTW, I think the best way to read your daily comics, is RSS. Nuff said.

1. Peanuts. Of which Linus coined the term ‘Security Blanket’, and Charlie Brown quoted the famous line.

“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”

Although Charles M. Schulz has passed away, his characters have not. And really, if you just reuse 50 years of comics, who will remember them at the end of 50 years? You can just read them again!

2. Baby Blues. I used to camp in my school library and read compilations on end. The kids are so cute, and it reminds me of the kind of things Heather Armstrong of Dooce would write about, and how parenthood is. (Oh how I am looking forward to it! – No I’m kidding.)

--- Geek alert ---

3. Dilbert. Because it is just so poignant and brilliant sometimes. I love Wally with his witty lines with the boss and his coffee mug, and Matt says “Dogbert wins”. For the office worker who works in a cubicle, and for the person who appreciate good punchlines.

(click to enlarge)

4. PHD Comics. When E had her whole office cubicle wall filled with comics, the PHD ones stood out for me. I’m not sure what it was, but I think its just something everyone can identify with – the stress from school, and not just from writing a thesis. (P.S. I think my nutrition lecturer resembles Tajel quite a bit.) And to find this printed and stuck on the wall of a lab in uni.

(click to enlarge)

And how can you not love PHD Comics when this comic is so so so true?

(click to enlarge)

5. xkcd. My newest favourite, which led me into the awareness and knowledge of velociraptors.

(click to enlarge)

Very geek, but very smart.

(click to enlarge)

With manga, I’ve read quite a bit of Dragonball Z, Slamdunk, Sailormoon. With printed comics, Archie (although I personally will never buy them). And who’s read the Manga Messiah?

Plug your favourite comics, geek or not geek, manga or not manga. Share the love mann.

Cheers.

I <3 Wednesdays: Freedom

2009-05-19T23:53:00.002+08:00

I wonder what freedom feels like?

I've always, ALWAYS wanted to do something and I swear I will do it before my 25th birthday this year. I want to travel way out somewhere, to a field, far away from any human civilisation and I want to let loose a scream, the loudest one I can muster. I just want to open my mouth, not think and just roar with all of my might, like some rabid madwoman (if anyone could see me).

Apart from being a terrific catharsis, I feel like it would also be a release of my heart in some way. I'm not saying that my heart is bound because we have our freedom in Christ and none can take it from us. I'm wondering what it would feel like to be free from thought, rationale, social constructs, demands, fear, decorum- all the things that stop us from praying for our office or uni friends, dancing in the streets whilst wearing nothing but our underwear, leaving all inhibitions behind but with full control of all of our faculties. Is that but a taste of the true freedom of Christ?

I'm fortunate to not have had this experience (yet) but I think it's the other side of the same coin when people hear bad news and their first reaction is to just scream their grief aloud, with no thought to consequence or rationale because the heart and the pain take over in that instant. Is it only in moments of extreme emotion/shock that our heart can push through all of our barriers and let loose?

It's one thing to scream aloud at a concert or a rally when you're surrounded by 10,000 other people screaming for all that they're worth. What would it take to scream with all your heart and soul- just you and no-one else?

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Deadlines

2009-05-19T19:56:00.000+08:00

My apologies, I wasn’t able to update any earlier because I was rushing to finish a report due at 4.30pm today. I suppose the happenings of today inspired the post, so please follow my thought process as I piece this post together.

I told E just now, about this crazy piece of writing that popped up in my head when I was making my final (literal) dash to hand up my assignment.

One day, I might tell the story about how a student spends 300 hours writing his/her thesis paper, to finish it 5 minutes before due time, but dies of a heart attack while trying to run to submit the thesis because he/she just hasn’t exerted his/her heart like that for so long.

Sorry. I know it’s rather morbid. But as E said, it is a great irony. To accumulate it all to this point, to nearly taste victory, fulfilment, sweet completion, but falling short THAT bit.

I’ve got reminded of hearing some words released over the pulpit (I think) a few months back, encouraging people to keep going, keep going, because we are nearly there, it is nearly time to God, in His divine plan, to intervene and work His power. We are THAT close already, don’t give up now.

I know how that feels. Today, I received the news that the place I applied for has been leased to someone else. I suppose I somehow knew it was coming since we’ve not heard from them for so long. But after such a long time of house-hunting, and the ‘deadline’ to move out drawing very very near, I wonder when on earth God is going to come and deliver me (literally) to my promised land.

But is my deadline, God’s deadline? If your countdown clock beeps, and starts counting up, is it too late for Him to do something powerful?

Indeed, His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and His ways higher than our ways. All we have to do, is trust Him till He rescues us, isn’t it?

And I think what this builds up, is patience, and at the end of it, a huge dollop of faith. And an amazing story to tell about His faithfulness, His sovereign plan, His grace and mercy at the end of it all.

Monday Merriments: Knowing

2009-05-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

As I stood in church yesterday and had a brief moment of reflection, I realised that I had hit my mark. In fact, everything had aligned and it was meant to be. In theatre, hitting your mark means doing an action and then stopping right where you should be so that the camera or spotlight will hit you exactly and it will be as if it wasn't planned and just a fortuitous circumstance that led you to be there at that exact moment.

We are the unconscious actors upon the life stage under the direction of a master director. He knows us so well that when we move, He's already anticipated it and has the set the scene for us to walk into. He's got the lights, the camera, all the props and dressing that the scene requires and when we open our eyes, we are where we are meant to be and ready to create something revealing, amazing and revolutionary with our Director.

I like knowing that where I am- standing in the centre aisle at the FGACurtin lecture hall, next to the AV, halfway through the first semester of my final year at WAAPA, with all my friends, friendships, family, career and spiritual central hub-- it's already been seen, heard, experienced, endured and committed by God. I might not be where He wanted me first. I just know that somewhere along the way, my devious heart, traitorous mind and/or weaknesses to the outside world have led me off the pathway destined for me. But where I am now- God still has a plan for me. The plan that leads me out from the wilderness, back to Him. I'm right where I am, being found by Him because I've hit my mark and He knows where to find me. How lovely is that?!

Even losing the referendum for Daylight Savings is part of His plan for me living in Western Australia. At least, that's what I'm trying to tell myself.

HOW-TO Fridays: How to save money 102 - Denial Therapy

2009-05-15T12:39:00.001+08:00

Here’s a little something I posted up on my personal blog 3 years ago. Totally tongue-in-cheek, though I have to admit, I did it before.

DENIAL THERAPY

Works for: Those who are broke, those who think that they are broke, those that just dont have enough money to spend.

What you need: A ~~rich~~ ~~well to do~~ above average friend that likes to shop. A lot.

Instructions:
1. Go out with friend.
2. Persuade friend to buy something (anything, everything)
3. Take friend’s wallet (and dont run away with it)
4. Pay for friend’s stuff as if its what you’re buying
5. Return wallet to friend.
6. Insist on carrying the bags of bought goods for friend.
7. Repeat as desired.

Advantage: Guilt-free spending, you ‘feel’ rich.
Disadvantages: You live in denial, that you’ve got tons of money.

Three years down to road, I see some difference in how my opinion towards this.

1. Sure, you don’t spend money, but you encourage the action of spending, even when it’s not your money. What happened to self-control?!

2. Given the times, the recession, or even when we are at a point where we possibly think more before swiping that card or giving away clean bills, where are we to find a ~~rich~~ ~~well to do~~ above average friend who would still spend recklessly? (It’s possible, but I think the odds are lower. Of course unless your social group is indeed that well to do.)

3. I, or anyone else reading, should be good stewards of what God has given us. Or in this case, what God has given our friend(s).

4. So is that why I’m making friends with rich people? For their money? Or for who they are?

Mann, I’m in such a love/hate relationship with retrospect.

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Facebook quizzes

2009-05-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

Thanks to a pretty stupid unfortunate viral SOMETHING flying around the Facebook cyberwaves, every time I open up my homepage, I find my newsfeed SPAMMED by people (a lot of them that I don't really talk to and haven't had a chance to "hide" from my newsfeed) who have decided to take a quiz and post the results for all and sundry to see.

Apart from getting me very pissed off and clicking hide, hide, hide AND THEN BLOCK FOREVER for repeat offenders, it makes me think why on earth people take quizzes like "Which one of your Chakras is most open?" "Which Friends character are you?" "Which Mystical Creature are you?" "What is your greatest weakness?" "What is your nickname?" "What love story are you?" "When will you get married?" "WHICH DAY-OF-THE-WEEK DISNEY CHARACTER FLAVOURED ICE CREAM ARE YOU?!"

Don't get me started on Chinese quizzes. I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THEM!! I can only guess at what banality they contain- judging by the sappy overly photoshopped pictures of girls in snow, rainbows and hearts. I see 'em, I control my contempt and I hide them.

My only conclusion as to why people take these quizzes (apart from wasting time and everybody else's) is that they're searching for something. Whether they're searching for an identity, an anchoring, some sort of comfort that they are what they think they are or some misguided attempt at trying to convince people that they are something else, it still points to an emptiness in their lives that gives a restlessness that whilst being temporarily sated by doing man-made quizzes, fails to satisfy to any level.

Are people so desperate to label their lives like this? Seeking for that elusive something to make it all worthwhile?

Guess what?

I'm loved by someone bigger than the lovechild of the Hulk and Wolverine ("Which Marvel character are you?"). I'm saved from a pointless life ("What kind of housewife will you be?") of mundane circumstance. I have no need to believe in stuff like chakras and auras because something fills me so deeply that there's no room. I don't need to know what Middle-Earth character I am because my identity is Forgiven.

I <3 Wednesdays: Christians Flirting 101 - Results

2009-05-13T14:13:00.001+08:00

poll by twiigs.com

Well that’s the result of your voting in it’s full glory, ending in a crazy climatic end of a DRAWWWWW – between “Is there a problem? Flirting is essential in the development of a relationship.” and “There is a very fine line between building your brother/sister up and flirting.”

Interesting observation though, that no one voted “NO WAY”. I suppose we are dealing with a rather select group of readers, who are living in a free country where arranged marriages don’t usually happen. (Quoted from E.)

I learnt at one of my youth camps, those ‘girls only’ talks, that it always takes a level of flirting to even establish a friendship. Would you contend that?

One point that has been brought up, is what you define as flirting. If casting a smile, or paying attention to a guy you’ve just met and laughing at his jokes (hopefully a good one) is considered as flirting, I would agree that flirting is essential in a development of a relationship, which might not even necessarily be a non-platonic one.

However, another point brought up, is the intention or motive behind the actions. We all know that behaviour is an outward expression of your thoughts, attitudes, values, etc. And thus, behaviour (in this case, flirting) should not be considered as an independent variable.

Just to throw another one out, what if your love language is touch? Would you be more easily misunderstood to be flirtatious if you happen to be a little bit more openly affectionate?

I think the solution to it all, is a side-hug. (I kid.)

So as you concur by now, I’m being extremely diplomatic. But, just leaving it open for discussion, please, feel free to discuss and air your views. Just no fighting, okay? (:

LIFE-day Tuesdays: Facebook stalking

2009-05-12T16:49:00.004+08:00

Is this OK? It's certainly not healthy but just ask any girl around you if she's ever stalked someone via Facebook and good odds are that she'll sheepishly admit to it.

I've done it, I'll admit it. It doesn't even have to be a boy that you stalk, it can be a girl as well- a different motivation to be sure (jealousy, anger etc) but you still sit on their page, watching their every action. Before Facebook, it was myspace stalking and before that, it was Friendster stalking. There's something about having that anonymity online, the voyeuristic quality of watching and observing without being judged.

Why do we do it? There's a variety of reasons I guess, a want of information on a person (perhaps to enable you ingratiating yourself into their life a bit more?) or a desire to compare (that old high school bully that has turned go-go dancer or night shift manager at McDonald's) or maybe it's more positive in that you haven't caught up for ages and want to see how their life is going. Facebook has allowed so much more information to pass that there should be a caution about how much of our lives that we're willing to share. Forgive the crudeness of the metaphor but aren't we pimping our lives out that much more since the advent of social networking sites? Facebook has lost people their jobs based on the information that people place online for all and sundry to see.

It's a trial and error thing I've concluded. I've made mistakes in the past- placed info online that perhaps I shouldn't have but now I know better. Friends Only my albums, Limit Profile the people I don't really talk to or know that well, check myself on how much "me" diarhhea I spew on my Info page and untag less than edifying shots that occur of me (we all make mistakes that get caught on camera, doesn't mean that my colleague or a prospective employer who knows my friend can see it). Note I didn't say less than glamorous or bad photo of me- people who untag EVERY photo of themselves are being a bit too anal in my opinion.

But yes, back to stalking. Where's the line? Just because you don't do it in real life doesn't make it alright. I'd feel bloody uncomfortable if I found out that someone had been sitting on my page watching my every move.

MAN-Day Mondays: Nirvana vs Psalms 34:12

2009-05-11T00:11:00.001+08:00

nir·va·na (nîr-vä'nə, nər-)
n. An ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability, or joy.

This is an excerpt from a journal of sorts that I keep. It highlights the difference between where I was 3 years ago - having absolutely no desire for life, and where I am now - not feeling much different, but nonetheless trusting Him more day by day that He will be my fulfillment.

I was doing my daily reading and chanced upon this verse.

Psalms 34:12 - Who is the man who desires life, and loves many days, that he may see good?

I suspect, from the context of the preceding verses, that the question is rhetorical in nature, with the apparent answer being – every man. All men want to live long lives, right? Or do they?

This begs yet another question – what is the value that is placed on one’s own life, at different stages of his journey? (Pardon the use of masculine references, I can’t be bothered minding my PCs with non-specific gender statements – his/her, man/woman, his/hers… blearh) At the risk of being stoned for blatant generalisation, I see the following 3 categories.

Man is blissfully unaware of God. Unsaved, unperturbed by the spiritual facet of life.

Romans 7:9a – I was alive once without the law…

He cherishes life for a few fundamental reasons. Because life is comfortable, exciting even. And though life is difficult at times, life has brought companionship and love, and life begets life, so he lives for his begotten. But also perhaps, because death is an unknown quantity. And men fear the unknown.

2. Man becomes awakened to the emptiness inside, as he must; when he is chosen to come alive and realize how dead he is.

Romans 7:9b, 10 - …but when the commandment came, sin revived and I died. And the commandment which was to bring life, I found to bring death.

He attempts to fill this void within with any number of things: possessions and comforts, adventure and travel, wine and women, philanthropy and pious living. If through all these he finds no peace, then the desire for life begins to subside. And if the knowledge of salvation is not present, depression sets in, and options to justify life, to end existence, and to end life even, are considered.
3. Man knows and experiences God and His love. Phillipians 1:21 becomes real.

To live is Christ, to die is gain.

Life has a divine purpose, which is none other than to maintain and intensify his personal relationship with God. Everything else becomes a by-product of that relationship.

See, with Point iii, I’m speculating – I’ve haven’t got a clue, save for the intellectual understanding drummed into me by a thousand sermons. Having the saving knowledge of Christ, but not necessarily the awakening that (hypothetically) comes with spiritually experiencing the love of God, I am stuck, and indeed have been stuck for a number of years now, between point ii and point iii. I know only the latter of the aforementioned verse.

To die is indeed gain, having absolute faith in my salvation. But to have no desire for life, yet knowing that I should be experiencing life, and life abundantly. Knowing also, because of my Christian upbringing, that abundant life cannot be found solely in materialistic wealth, prodigal living, nor love of a woman; not even with self-induced altruistic efforts.

I wrote this a couple of years back.

Nirvanic Bliss

I am, but this the contradiction; my goal is to be not.
The unattainable state – perfection; the prize cannot be bought.
To no longer be, the ideal condition of rest.
To no longer subsist, the conclusion of all tests.

I believe in a righteous God, and eternal death as the wages of sin.
I believe in a gracious God, and the forgiveness proffered therein.
But indulge me this; though it may spark as metal on metal.
Consider these thoughts inquisitive rather than heretical.

A soul devoid of purpose, will it not wish to desist?
Suicide? Basic human survival instincts precludes this.
An idea borne of this internal conflict, one that resonates with the hopeless.
To induce some semblance of meaning to life by striving for nothingness.

I have, at countless times, contemplated the validity of this idea.
Often when circumstances are difficult, and things could be better.
With an ingrained defeatist attitude and a pessimistic creed,
The sudden disappearance of self seemed quite attractive indeed.

The liberty from all desire, suffering, and individual consciousness,
The emancipation from all attachment; cessation of hunger and thirst.
A place of oblivion to pain, worry, and all other human limitations.
To find bliss, and indeed, salvation, through a state of inexistence.

Nonetheless, man was made with eternity in his heart,
A time when the spirit comes to fore as the body departs.
However appealing this proposition, I know it to be untrue.
The struggle of life persists; man continually is to be and do.

I do understand, even identify with, the lure of it all.
Indeed, given the lack of divine wisdom after the fall.
The extinction of the soul into the universe afar.
The existential concept of inexistence – Nirvana.

And so I ask, in the same rhetorical manner as Psalms 34:12. Will I not believe that He is only as close to me as I want Him to be? Will I not believe that He will be my reason for living? Will I not believe that one day I will say that I desire life, and love many days, that I may see all the good things that He has planned for me?

Father, this finale I add to my previous supposition.
To know Your love for me, this my only supplication.
To know I can sit at Your feet, indeed, enfolded in Your embrace.
When all else fades away, the instant I see the love on Your face.

Michael is one of those guys that continues to impress you even after the first meeting. But for me, what stood out for me is his honesty and his perseverance in seeking God. And I believe God will honour that seeking. (: Hang in there, Mike. - ange

Mike is currently launching himself into the deep of the unknown, physically and spiritually. Gifted with talents beyond measure of man, he's seeing where God takes him whilst making the rest of us stuck back here green with envy. Can one man truly have so much at his fingertips and still be an awesome person, friend and a decent human being to hang around?

Yep.

HOW-TO Fridays: DIY Ferrero Bouquet

2009-05-08T01:16:00.000+08:00

Hahah how wonderful. Finally, a literal How-To on How-To Friday. I’ve got a birthday party to attend this Saturday and decided to make my own present. I’ve made this once a few years back and being totally in love and craving for Ferrero Rochers, maybe somewhere in there, I was trying to quell my craving for it. I snuck a few on the way. Well…… so here goes.

Step ONE. Buy Ferrero Rocher. Only because they taste so wonderful and look so pretty and elegant (incidentally, like the birthday girl on Saturday!) Buy them when they are having a sale if you can, if not, well its about AUD15 for 30s.

Step TWO. Something sticky. Sticky dots by Sellotape is something I picked up from Woolworth’s along with the Rochers so yeah. I think a massive amount of blu-tack or double sided tape might work as well. E suggested super glue. Well, that WILL work. And maybe a glue gun – I’m not sure if it might melt the chocolate though. Let me know if you ever try! Anyway the point is, you’ve got to stick the base of the chocolate to the end of the straw, so there.

Step THREE. Well so you put the sticky tape on the base of the chocolate, as the instructions told you to. And then you stick the straw on the centre of the base, as centre as you can. (Apply physics law here)

Step FOUR. A6 paper, any colour you choose to have really. Wrap that around the straw Have the top left corner join the right bottom corner with the left bottom corner tucked in.

Sounds confusing? You’re not alone. I took nearly 10 rochers to get it right.

Step FIVE. Tug it here there here there, until it is tight enough around the straw that it will not slide down. Like this!

Then tape it down. :D

There you go! One tulip looking chocolate flower! Now make as as much as you want, and bunch them up! I’ve got three here, but in my actual intended bouquet, I wanted to do more than 20, making it a HUGE bouquet.

Alas, straws fail you, and the chocolates roll of of the.. petal. When that happens, just reinforce with more sticky tape, and if you need, stick the wrapper to the paper.

Anyway, in my actual bouquet, I’ve got 7. Spam sticky tape and stick the bunch together. I bought tissue wrap so I wrapped that up in the tissue wrap and tied it with more sticky tape.

Layer it with more wrapping paper if you like. And if you need inspiration with wrapping, google “flower bouquets”. (Yes google is my best friend, wikipedia second best)

I’m going to get some ribbon to hide the sticky tape on the wrapping paper. And btw, the brown Ferrero in the middle is a Ferrero Rondnoir. It’s dark chocolate, but I still prefer the Rochers.

So yes, at this point of time I have a lot of Ferrero tulips lying around my room, so if anyone would like any over the weekend, let me know.

See you next week! Cheers.

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

2009-05-07T00:25:00.004+08:00

Yes, this book exists.

"Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen’s beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she’s soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead."

That's it in a nutshell but isn't it interesting how many adaptations of Jane Austen stuff there is out there? It was only a matter of time until this idea was seized upon and it's only a matter of time until this is made into a film (oh please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease let me be able to work on it! Can you imagine- all the lovely gentility and regency-era stuff I adore combined with what would be the most awesome props, prosthetics and make-up production piece ever). I'm about 4 chapters in because I'm pretty busy on film set right now but it's already proving quite funny. Lizzie Bennet, instead of being merely affronted at Darcy's initial rudeness, wants to follow him outside and open his throat. It's very me.

"The more unfortunate souls nearest to the windows were seized and feasted upon by the unmentionables."- GOLD. The book comes complete with illustrations done in the style of the original illustrator of Austen's classic which makes it even more hilarious to see Lizzie and her sisters doing the "Pentagram Of Death".

How do I know all this? Cos I have a copy of it in my hot little hands =D. Elaine, lovely soul that she is, saw it on my Facebook status and got a copy for me when she saw it in the bookstore. I love you Elaine! Expect me to be laughing at many small little violent things for the next week or so.

I <3 Wednesdays: Christians Flirting 101 - Poll

2009-05-06T01:05:00.001+08:00

“I can be your Boaz.”
“Bible-gateway happens to be my homepage.”
”Can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?”

If you have not checked out this Facebook group (I Appreciate Christian Pick-Up Lines), you should. Christian pick-up lines sound like something Stuff Christians Like would write about.

Anyway, yes it’s a poll. So just give me your opinion. Mostly tongue-in-cheek really, so expand on your answers in the comments section. (If you wish)

Like, define what you think is flirting. Today you do the talking, next week I’ll do a summary. (Promise!)

poll by twiigs.com

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Credit where it's due

2009-05-04T22:10:00.004+08:00

I like to say Thank you. There's one thing that pisses off my family- my lack of saying please. I just don't remember to say it so most of the time, I end up going "Pass the salt" and someone will remind me to say "Please" afterwards. I always, always say thank you though. Does that cancel out the social faux-pas of not saying please?

Does it make me seem more authoritarian? More in command? Or does it mean I'm just rude? If I think about it, I'll say please. If I'm not thinking, I'll just say it but always say thank you afterwards. On a completely different tangent, for years, I thought thank you was one word- thankyou. It made sense in my head ok?

Maybe it's a perception that saying please means weakness. It's almost like begging at times, you hear "please, please pleeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssee" and it's almost as if they're "below" you, asking for something. Whereas, saying thank you infers you being more equal or even at a higher status at times, conferring gratitude onto the peons below.

Maybe it's my self conscience making up for the fact that whilst I'm doing a project, I can be very particular/indecisive/abrupt and to counteract all that, I am effusive in my thanks afterwards. I like doing little things to say thanks, like printing out pictures or writing cards. Can thank you's get too much though? I always feel like there's some system of level of thanks i.e. the equilibrium of thank you : worth of event that is being thanked for. Can you ever say thank you too much for something? And what if that excessive level of thanks is very aware on both parties that it's too much and woe on the party that went overboard? Like say, a carton of beer for helping take out someone's rubbish- definitely too much.

I am a good girl- I've been taught my manners by my very well-meaning parents and yet I've turned out a bit odd this way. Maybe it speak to a deeper problem with me or maybe it's just the way I'm wired and there's no deeper problem than that.

Monday Merriments: Sunday

2009-05-04T00:29:00.001+08:00

Today (Sunday) was the inaugural service of the new morning service in our church.

Firstly, let me say that God is awesome. It stood out for me when I heard the same sermon preached the second time in the afternoon service. The pastor said that God’s character never changes, but He likes to do new things.

That was a phwoahhhh moment for me (albeit a silent one).

1. His character never changes. He is faithful, and you can trust Him even when He is doing new things.

2. He likes to do new things. He doesn’t ctrl+c ctrl+v future plans for us. I like to think that He loves us enough to want to personalise His affections, His gifts, His plans for us. New things are exciting stuff. And He is doing them and it is so evident.

The afternoon service was rather empty, and we occupied only the middle columns of the hall. But we can just sense that God is going to do new things in this new-old service, and its just so exciting to see in faith how God is going to fill those empty seats again – not with members from other churches, but new and backsliden Christians.

Sundays are so awesome.
Here’s to a brand new week. Cheers!

HOW-TO Fridays: How to enjoy pandemonium

2009-04-30T22:53:00.002+08:00

I don't know if anyone noticed but Ange did the lion's share of posting this week. She deserves a freaking big medal, especially after the last few weeks that she had (i.e. no sleep, camp stuff, assignments etc). She did it because right now I'm in the middle of a swirling vortex known as film set hell- back-to-back shooting across 3 separate films with 3 different crews and 3 different directors. It's chaos. Barely contained chaos.

Everybody has periods of their lives where this happens though. Some can stand up underneath it. Some crack with the pressure and are never the same again, much like a shattered vase superglued together. Is it even possible to crack a smile during this?

It depends on how you're wired but I've found some useful tips over the years.
1/ Don't take things too seriously.
Arguments, tornadoes, power outages, moving house, 80% assignments- yes, these things are serious but even in the midst of it all- remember that it isn't the be all and end all. There are greater purposes out there, things that will render the current situation a moot point 10 years down the track.

2/ Don't lose your integrity.
This may seem like an odd one but hear me out. Today, I let a lecturer get to me, his incessant nagging and arrogance really pissed me off and I ended up bagging him out, calling him a cockhead amongst other things to people when he wasn't in hearing range. That's until I turned around after whispering to my Art Director that he was a dickhead to discover that he was less than a metre away. I then worried for the next hour whether or not he had heard me. It made for a crappy morning because despite my best intentions starting on set, I let myself get petty and destructive. It made me feel like crap so I'm resolving to swallow my pride and just head down, bum up and work so that my actions show who I am, not my words.

3/ Surround yourself with people who are a) loyal, b) easy-going, c) have the same level of passion for the project as you and d) know what you're going through.
Ohhhh, it helps to have people in the same boat as you. It may not spread the weight of the burden i.e. project or assignment but it alleviates some of the mental and emotional pressure that a lot of the time, is self-inflicted. I've often found that one of the things that can frustrate me to no end is trying to explain what's happening to someone who has no clue what the world you're in is like. It's why I just don't discuss it on the outside anymore.

4/ Revel in the rare opportunity that you're in.
Maybe it'll only be once in your life that you'll be able to overdose on Red Bull and coffee to finish off that group project. Maybe it'll be once in your life that you get to be part of a film set of that scale. Maybe it'll be the one chance you get to talk to someone that you'd never normally talk to in real life (I work on set with a goth next week). Whatever it is, it's not like pandemonium is a normal part of life so how about doing a reverse take on things and seeing the glee in the utter chaos?

“We’re Cultured!” Thursdays: Thinking we are not good enough

2009-04-30T02:03:00.001+08:00

I am in a love/hate relationship with the word ‘enough’. It depicts a saturation point, a limitedness. ‘Not good enough’ is even worse, it just depicts that you might have something, but you are still lacking. You might be on your way, on the right path, but nope, you’re not there yet.

Who likes to hear a prospective boss that you are good, but just not good enough for the job? Or that you are good on the keyboard, but not good enough to make it for the band?

I like to think that it manifests so much more with the Asian mindset of excellence in everything, or say, the Singaporean mentality of ‘kiasu-ness’ (the fear of losing). We were brought up thinking that 98/100 isn’t good enough because someone else in class has gotten 99/100.

We seem to always strive for something better. We are always working towards wanting to have or to be something better. To be smarter, be thinner, be friendlier, be better at whatever we are doing. We have to work to get better and one day we will be good enough.

Don’t take me wrongly, not staying complacent is important. But in our Christian walk, we tend to swing from one end to the other. We either think we’re all fine and dandy and that since times are good we don’t need God, or that we’re still needing that bit more to be completely right with God.

We got to pray more, we got to attend more church activities, we got to read the bible more, we got to stop sinning, we got to cultivate more fruits of the Spirit. It seems like what we got brought up learning in church – those unspoken words, the expectations – they lead us to thinking that to keep our salvation we have to at least attend church and youth group every week.

I think it has come a time where we start looking up and realising again the extent of grace that He extended to us. That grace did not only save us from eternal death, but gave us eternal life, and made us coheirs with Christ, by which now we can reign in life.

It is not longer about being not good enough to do something – we can already do it because along with getting saved from an eternity in hell, we have freedom from all strongholds, all bondage. It is like how in bible study class, our teacher pointed out that in Galatians 5:1 it says to “not be burdened again by the yoke of slavery”.

We are already free, why then do we slog for fear of losing our salvation just like that. Why do we go to church as an obligation to the commitments we have in service?

We do not lack anything else, because He has given us everything we need. We are no longer not good enough for anything, we are already good enough because He made us good enough. Man, He even made us “very good” (Genesis 1:31).

Let us not think anymore that we’re not good enough. That we are still lacking. He has given us abundance through His grace. Let us serve Him and live for Him compelled by the love He first gave, and live in that liberty that He died to give us.

I <3 Wednesdays: Desires of the heart

2009-04-29T00:09:00.000+08:00

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s because parts of me have been moulded by so many years in this church environment. It’s funny how the simplest things in life could have change and shifted, or maybe morph into things that are different from what it was intended to be.

Like, why would I ever think that it is not okay to desire someone to love me? Why would I ever think that it is not okay to want a boyfriend?

I don’t know if anyone got through this phase before. It’s like knowing that this is just not the right ‘season’ to be attached. If anything comes, or even when the desire surfaces, you try your hardest to suppress it, thinking “I shouldn’t be thinking about this at all, it’s not the right time.”

The result is rather telling, I think. You get cynical about relationships, sometimes you get jealous of people in love and get turned away by public displays of affection (then again, a lot of times they aren’t appropriate anyway). After a while, you find it hard to get out of that unemotional, stoned state that you started adopting in order to suppress that desire of wanting to love and love.

It is as if you buried all that dreams and that desires of young. Those dreams of being swept up by a prince charming coming on a white horse. Those dreams of being a real princess, or being brave and courageous for love. A friend have put it very well – today I’m digging up from six feet under.

At camp, a sister released the words that God will grant the desires of my heart. The next night she told me that God sees the desires of my heart. I was mixed up about it really. For God to grant the desires of my heart, don’t I have to delight in Him first? (Psalm 37:4) And isn’t the human heart just pure evil?

A slow realisation came to me, that He have made us with these desires and yearnings. And these dreams are dreams He had deposited even when we were just little girls. The dreams and desires He had created us with had been carried over when He created a new heart in us, when we invited Him into our lives.

It is perfectly alright to yearn for a partner. We are created that way – to yearn fellowship. God Himself in the Trinity knew the joys of fellowship, and desires the same for us. Why else did God create Eve for Adam?

Now I think it is perfectly alright to dream, perfectly alright to desire to love and be loved in return. Let us just put our hope and trust in Him to fulfil those desires.

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Post-Camp

2009-04-28T02:37:00.001+08:00

(This, by the way, is the camp theme, but not the camp logo.)

So yes, I just came back from my church’s Youth District Camp. Calling it a mind-blowing experience is too much of an understatement. But I think it is when at the end of the camp it is not only how much fun we had, but the lasting impact God has made in our lives that lasts forever.

We know that how we come back from camp totally on fire for God, and just so ready to go out there and do His work, but give it two or three months down the road, for experienced campers, it seems like a given that it will all fade and the fire dies and we go back to our lives like it has always been.

I hope this one is different. It could very well be. The end of camp doesn’t seem to be the end of it all. There is a continuity of God’s work – like He has only started something at camp, but He is going to keep working till He brings it to fruition. All we have to do is stay for the ride. In our youth pastor’s words – stay on the bus and enjoy the ride, baby. (:

For me, it has been a season of reclaiming what was lost. For quite a while now, God has been bringing back things from my past and helping me realise that He had orchestrated them for this very moment.

There were past dreams, past promises and my very first sinner’s prayer at the grand age of 6 (and it counted!).

There were the times where it seemed like all these years spent at church knowing about God but not knowing God had come to void. But He uses them, it has all been His plan either way.

I received many words throughout camp. Mostly still rather hazy and I don’t know what is it. Some of these words are huge, mind-blowing, and consistent even though delivered from different people. But it made me realise how much God has planned for me, and just a glimpse of the potential He has deposited in me. He is slowly and surely bringing them to past, it has already started happening, even straight after camp!

I suppose I’ll share more in the next few posts in detail. But now, I’m just staying, hanging on, and enjoying this ride. (: It’s good to be back.

Monday Merriments: Fresh Starts

2009-04-26T21:26:00.003+08:00

I am merry this week because one door has closed and another has opened. You hear a lot about new seasons and fresh starts and changing seasons but it's rare that something physical manifests from it.

With the advent of the new satellite church next week and the decision to go on over and serve there in a new ministry- it can't get much more new season and fresh start than this.

Yes, it'll be scary. Yes, it'll be tough. Yes, tempers will fray, priorities will be questioned and friendships tested. I will conjecture though and say that the very first churches had it a lot more tougher than we will. Hillsong didn't start off as a megachurch either. Riverview didn't always have that huge building and their internal structure from the get-go. FGA from their earliest starts had bickering, trials and dark times and yet we're still going strong. We all had to start from somewhere to get anywhere and that is what's going to get me through this transition period.

I can finally see what they're banging on about when they say that the latter will be greater than the former now.

HOW-TO Fridays: How to fight like a girl

2009-04-23T23:44:00.004+08:00

When I want to insult someone, I find myself saying "You ____like a girl!" Hands up who's heard me say that to them =P?

Why is that? Why is (example) fighting like a girl considered an insult? I received a book called "Fighting Like a Girl: The Power of Being a Woman" for my birthday from some well-meaning relatives a few years ago and what's funny is that anyone who knows me knows that I fight more like a boy than anything. Willing to hit low and with weapons.

What I've come to understand though is that there's more to fighting like a girl. There are so many positive things to fighting like a girl that I should embrace rather than deride them and in association, my own sex.

Fighting with and for a reason.

Girls are not naturally violent beings. We're the nurturers, the caregivers, the gentle ones that are to be pursued and protected. It means that when we step up to the plate with a gigantic bat called kickass, we have a reason to fight. We're willing to brush past the genetic predisposition (yes, I realise that I'm generalising here, there's probably a reason why it's a generalisation in the first place) and get into confrontation. Our passions have been engaged. Sometimes it might be irrational to everyone else except for us. Sometimes it might be for personal reasons. Sometimes its on behalf of someone else. Whatever it is, you can be sure that we don't brawl, we fight.

We give men a reason to fight.

Our strengths call forth their strengths. Even the most "tough" of us have our weak moments where we need someone to lead, someone to hold us, someone to reassure and protect us from the times when the world threatens to overwhelm. When we let a man see that side of ourselves, we allow them to step up, we give them that opportunity to take the lead. In return, we are the guardians of their heart, both are huge responsibilities.

We fight in subtle yet effective ways.

I don't mean the silent treatment and the cold shoulder. I mean the old adage of "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar". Why be hostile when you can kill them with kindness? I had a major conflict with my director for a piece. She made me cry on the final week of production and I was going between ignoring her until she disappeared after closing night or slashing her tires. In the end, I wanted to be the bigger person so I got her a gift plus a card and made nice to her all the way. She ended up not writing in our little spat into her director's assessment and I got to never see her again. Win-win.

Heroes:
Sarah- Who gives her husband another woman?! She screwed things up, yes, through fear that she would never get to continue Abraham's legacy. But she overcame that to bear Abraham a son- changing through fear for faith.

Rahab- Way to go- the Biblical hooker takes a stand against an entire city, her city for God. Rewarded with her name forever in the Bible and part of the lineage of Christ.

Deborah- OK, she had balls (figuratively). She took a tent peg and drove it into a guy's skull. She did it for Israel though- together with her wisdom, I like this one =D

Abigail- I only read about her recently. She went against her own husband when he insulted Kind David and God. She took her household, created a feast to appease David (see!! the way to a man's heart and compassion is FOOD) and appealed to him for her household and to ignore her husband who was a fool. What a woman- who didn't let even such a sacred thing as marriage to get between her and her God.

“We’re Cultured!” Thursdays: Breakfast at Tiffany’s

2009-04-23T02:04:00.003+08:00

Yes, I’ve decided to do a review on a movie, as this topic was first intended to be. And what else defines culture and class like Audrey Hepburn and that black Givenchy dress she wore in Breakfast at Tiffany’s?

And then, there’s Moon River.

I wouldn’t go into the synopsis of the movie, or go on about how beautiful Hepburn is, or how Moon River is one of the most iconic songs of the past and how many thousands of covers there are of the song. But its just the idea of it – ever wondered why Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Moon River, seem to become things people associate with class, with dreams (or dreaminess), idealism?

I think its the character of Holly Golightly which Hepburn plays. She portrayed a girl who had dreams bigger than herself, who has a free spirit, who didn’t let her situations and society limit what she can do.

But in the same way, it is about escapism. Quoting lines from the movie:

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?

Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

Paul Varjak: Sure.

Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!

I can go about on how the idea or concept of this whole show, or even the story it was adapted from (which has a different, non-fairytale ending, and very much more literary and dark) and how Tiffany & Co. becomes the sanctuary of peace, and everything and how it parallels with how we should go to God instead of Tiffany’s… (yes I’m over spiritualizing it lol)

But I think it’s just how beautiful the whole movie is, and how beautiful the song Moon River is. Or how classic this show is that it touches our heart although made 40 years ago. God has created us in a way where we recognise and appreciate beauty, not only in looks, but in sound, and in feelings as well.

And don’t feel guilty about watching it, and not just only because the “Holly Golightly is actually a social escort” theme in the movie was much more downplayed than in the book, but also I think the lyrics of Moon River can be expounded into a literature essay as well.

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

So if you’ve not watched it, watch it at least once and know what people are talking about when they talk about Breakfast at Tiffany’s. And maybe you might fall in love with the beauty of the show and the music as well.

I <3 Wednesdays: Listening to your Heart

2009-04-22T00:07:00.003+08:00

On Star Trek, the character of Spock often has trouble defining where he stands as he is continually pushed and pulled between his rational side and his emotional side. That's cos he's half Vulcan and half human but we'll leave the nerd-speak for another time.

Just like Spock, sometimes I battle between listening to my head and listening to my heart. My head is all rational solutions, logical conclusions and thought-out decisions. My heart takes an AK-47 and likes to blow them all away. It's hard stopping my heart from picking up various weapons to sabotage my head.

That's what I want to ask though- should I stop my heart from running willy-nilly over my head? What makes me take my head's side anyway? Is it because of sheer habit and upbringing? Because that's not really a good excuse at all. If faced with a situation where it's 50-50 whether I listen to my head or my heart, I err on the side of caution and always take my head's side. I've been thinking for a bit and I've come to the conclusion that if I listen to my heart- I have far more to lose. It's an odd conundrum- I have more at stake but the rewards are greater.

Example: As it usually is with me- WAAPA. When I graduated architecture- all logical conclusions and logic said that I should start applying for firms and go become an architect. Most of my friends started work immediately with companies. My parents expected as much from my 5 years of supported study and my extended family was keen to take my skills on board and develop plans etc. Building dynasty anyone?

My heart was so tortured at this point in time because it knew I had no chance of being happy with such a future. It was the one that won in the end, to spur me to apply and audition for WAAPA and the design course here. Architorture or performance design? I applied and the past 3 years have been a revelation in seeking where my heart lies. I'm not there yet but my heart is a lot happier, I'm a lot happier and my future doesn't cause me to mentally go grey but it ushers in something so bright I can't quite see it yet. Sorry mum, those aspirations of me marrying a builder and getting that dynasty off the ground just vanished. That nice steady salary just vanished as well but ah. It's my choice.

Rebuttal: A few years ago, I had a cell member who was.....a grace-grower. Everytime he had a problem, he'd take it, expand on it, blow it right out of proportion and somehow link it to the state of his spiritual life. He'd then call me, asking to meet up whereupon he'd unload every single worry he had. He didn't want a friend who could listen, he wanted a magical cheerleader who could solve all his problems. I couldn't give him what he sought and when he left Australia, we parted on not so satisfactory terms. About a year or so ago, he emailed me, asking for my forgiveness. My head said yes- forgive him for what he did, forgive him and give him the peace that he craves.

My heart said no. No- he drained you, sucked you dry, took you for granted and you still haven't recovered have you? Why?
At that time- I was fresh from leaving leadership in Agape and still rather tender. It was so much easier to forget him and so I did. I pretended like I'd never received it and now in hindsight- ALL WRONG. I listened to my heart in this case and took the easy road. It's probably cost me far more than I know as well. My head tells me that it's not too late but it's trapped behind glass- yelling impotently as my heart pushes me forward into time.

Which do you listen to more of? Heart or head? How do you listen to your heart- by appeasing it, by indulging it or by massaging it?

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Gift

2009-04-21T02:49:00.000+08:00

I’m not talking about physical gifts today, but one that God gave.

Of course, our first understanding of a gift is, well, a gift. Not profound, but utterly simple. You don’t pay for a gift. A gift is free. The same way if someone gives you a house as a gift, it means you don’t pay the mortgage. Also, when you give someone a gift, especially when the person has accepted it, you don’t take it back, do you?

Salvation is a gift. It’s something God gave, and it has been nothing of our doing (we are sad, wretched, screwed up people). Many times it seems like this fellowship with God is strained, or when we feel far away from God, we will increase our prayer quota, we will attend more church services, tithe more.. all in hopes of getting back into God’s good books, and although we know that its theologically wrong, we still somehow, in our attempt to ‘do something about it’, try to ‘earn our salvation’.

Our salvation is a gift that He gave. Nothing we can attempt to do can pay Him back for what He has does, with Jesus on the cross. No amount of church services attended, no amount of effort to serve in different ministries, no attempts to look holier than thou can earn us our salvation.

The gift of the Holy Spirit, the constant fellowship with God, is also given. I believe, once given, He does not take it away. We may choose to keep it in a corner of our lives, store it in our storerooms, but He does not take it away.

It is easy to lose sight after being in church for so many years. You find yourself ‘doing church’, just doing what you were supposed to be doing. (I used to think that after so many years in church, I got all that ‘protocols’ down pat.) And just with one fall, one shortcoming, it may seem like we’ve got casted down from heaven to hell. Then the doubts come, wondering if we’ve walked so far away from God that He lost us, or were we even Christians at the first place. Human nature says that do something about it, find your way back, work your way through and get back to where you were with God before, or at least look like all is fine and dandy.

But like the lost sheep that has gone astray in Luke 15, we can’t do much, we don’t know the way back. The Shepherd comes for us, the Shepherd comes to rescue us.

I suppose all we had to do is let ourselves be found. And realise that we cannot do anything to pay Him back for what He has done, and that we cannot do anything in parallel to achieve what He has done for us before.

Let us stop trying with our feeble efforts to reach God. We’ve already had Him, we’re already back in fellowship, in an unbroken relationship with Him because of what Jesus has done.

So then, sisters (and brothers), we can start falling in love with Him. (:

MAN-Day Mondays: Praying for your future spouse

2009-04-20T00:00:00.003+08:00

When I was a young lad, one of the teachings that had a huge impact on me, interestingly enough, was on marriage and finding the “right one”. Shocking right?! This was when I was 10 or 11 years old, and this is Yu-Min you’re talking about! Interestingly, God planted and set in my heart from a very young age, the concept that if I were to get married someday in the future, I wanted there to be only this one girl that I would love, I would cherish, be romantic with, and pour out all my affections on – this one special girl set aside for me, and I for her. And when I knew exactly who she was, I was going to marry her :)

Deep down inside, I knew and learned that there was no one better than God to point me in the right direction. I mean think about it. This is the God who created me. This is the God who made every single one of us unique, from our looks right down to our little eccentricities. He knows everything. He knows what I like, what I don’t, what I find attractive, my qualities, my talents, my weaknesses, my strengths. It is He who knows my deepest thoughts, my deepest desires, who knows me more than I know myself. He knows what I need and what’s best for me. Who better than He to know who the perfect match for Yu-Min Ong is. After all, He created her too :)

Pastor Ed Silvoso once shared on the importance of praying for your future spouse. Pray for the qualities that you want to see in her, pray for her protection, pray for her salvation, pray for God to show you who the “right one” is, who you need. The more specific the better. So when you meet her you’ll know straight away right! He taught that to his daughter, and God provided the right guy, right down the colour of his eyes! My parents encouraged me to try. And so at the age of 10 or 11, I began praying for my future spouse. I couldn’t put a face to her. I had no idea if I had seen her before or when in the future I would first meet her. Some of us might find this silly, childish or dismiss this as wishful praying, but the young me, with the faith that I had, put that faith into practice. Night after night, she would be part of my talk with God.

The Bible states “ask and you shall receive”, and in Matthew 7 it goes “Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent?” If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!”

Isn’t a spouse a good thing?

And as I matured, I learned to pray for myself, that God would change me, to make me ready for her, that I would be what she wanted, what she needed, what was best for her, to love her as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). That we would put God first and He would be the One to teach us what love is.

It was not easy waiting. I would grow up seeing my cousins and friends go dating, find girlfriends, get married, while I still remained single. People began to notice. The teasing started, being linked to girls, being called gay. I was advised to grow up (still a long way to go :p) and then I’ll find someone. At times I would ask God, “How about her? She’s Christian. She’s quite pretty”. “No go,” was the reply and so no opportunity. When I got into Medicine I started to get worried. 6 years of study, followed by 2 years of National Service in Singapore, then a possible 6-year bond in the countryside -_- Who the heck would want to marry me? Do I start searching at 35 once I’m free from all my obligations? Then God spoke in the most unexpected way

A few years back I visited my friend’s youth service in Singapore. During ministry time, someone I had not met before released a word from God to me which went, “Son, I know your cares and your worries about your future partner. Do not worry.” My heart leaped. God heard my prayers all this time J God knew exactly what was on my heart.

To be honest, it hasn’t been smooth sailing. It took a long time for God to show me the “right one”. He had to make me ready for her. I went my own way and forsook God, was disobedient and fell from Him. Though I went to church, my life wasn’t right. By His grace, He never let go and drew me back. He forgave me when I truly repented. When I chose to follow Him, when I trusted Him, when I obeyed, then He opened my eyes. He created the opportunity for a special girl to enter my life. My prayers began to become reality. I remember praying that God would make the love story of finding the right one a testimony of His presence in my life. Now, I have no doubt that He is. I have my proof. I know that He’s still changing me, preparing me, and her too. I want to commit the rest of my life to Him - the courtship, the marriage. I’ve learned that His way is the best way.

So for those out there, searching for the “right one”, it’s not silly to pray, ask Him what you want, and trust in Him. Remember, exercise your faith, believe that He answers, obey Him, follow Him, and trust that He has laid out His plans for you. Who else besides God can write a better love story for you? Start praying for your future spouse. It works for me.

Yu-Min is like a brother away from home. Being able to hang out with him is a privilege and he never fails to bring a smile to my face. Very awesome, very considerate brother who is both smart (Dr. Ong yo!) and funny (should check out his dance moves), and I’ve got new found respect for him for his perseverance and trust in God to find the right lady. (: - ange

Take off about 6 years from his real age and that age is what Yu-Min first appears as in person. However, his writing is proof that a real, amazing man of God exists in his funny, innocent and happy-go-lucky exterior and what a subject to tackle! He has a noble, chivalrous streak not often found in men his age and for that, I thank him. Kudos, respect and a lot of "Bloody heck, you're brave for writing that" is coming your way Yu-Min. - sodabug

HOW-TO Fridays: How to save money 101

2009-04-17T00:48:00.001+08:00

This is probably literally ‘How to save money 101’. Certain stuff I’ve learnt in my nearly one and a half years stay in a foreign country managing my own money. (And failing very badly most of the time.)

NB: Using a piggybank is not mentioned, but is a very good way to save bit by bit. (:

1. Take more public transport. Because if you are a student, you get concession. And you don’t have to fight with other students for parking lots.

2. Eat out less often. A box of 100-pack Tetley Tea costs about $3. A cup of tea outside costs about $4. A meal for one outside (in Perth) costs about $8, but if you cook your own meal, its probably about $4 cost price. And buy in bulk (if you have enough storage space) because things are cheaper when you do so (well the supermarkets say so anyway). And if you’re living with your parents, eat with them. Meals are practically free, either at home or outside. :D

3. Fixed Term Deposits. God bless whoever came up with this idea. It’s like growing money in a nursery. You put your money in there, the bank takes care of it, when it matures you get the interest that comes with it. (: So if you have spare (big amount of) money that you don’t have to touch for a while, head to your bank and put them in a Fixed Term Deposit.

4. Rent out DVDs. Video rental is seriously cheap in Australia. Unless you’re the kind that watches the same movies 50 times and not get sick of it, then buy the DVD. Either way, movies at the theatres? Reserve it for special occasions. (:

5. Avoid shopping if you don’t need it. Sales included. A good deal, no matter how good a deal, is still money spent. Unless you need/really want it, it is worth the price, or well, you can’t find it cheaper anywhere else. On that note, I realised that my trips to Harbourtown in Perth last year had me blew over $100 each time. Thus, even though things are cheap, it adds up. But if you have to..

6. Try online shopping. Ebay, online deals. I suppose somehow not having to pay the rental of a shop front reduces the cost of your products. Ebay is a good place to look for stuff if you’re not picky about second-hands, or if you’re looking for something rare. Ebay and online shopping should be a post on its on seriously.

7. Think equivalents. I used to think of prices in terms of chicken rice. Chicken rice in Singapore used to be $2, and thus a $20 top could have been 10 plates of chicken rice which could save me from starvation for 10 meals/5 days. It sounds exorbitant doesn’t it? 10 PLATES!! So yes, I did talk myself out of quite a lot of buys that way.

8. Keep track of your expenses. I don’t do it because I know I will scare myself and get depressed with my spending habits. But it is a good habit, and should definitely make it to this list.

9. Calculate how much you have saved so far. I wouldn’t know about you, but it makes me really quite happy. (: You’ll be surprised how much you can save if you go without a cup of coffee from uni for two weeks (no matter how good it is). If a cup of coffee is $3, two weeks without saves you $30!! 15 plates of chicken rice!!

10. Spoil yourself sometimes. Epic Espresso is a luxury (for a non-income making person), and so is a sashimi buffet (which I am absolutely craving right now). No point being uber rich yet utterly miserable, isn’t it?

11. Tithe. Because He has promised.

¹⁰Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. ¹¹ I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. ¹² "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty.
Malachi 3:10-12 NIV

Better an investment than the fixed term deposit actually. Lol.

Well, feel free to comment and add on your own tips and thoughts. (:

Have a good weekend! Cheers.

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Wondering and Wishing

2009-04-16T00:00:00.001+08:00

Some of you may be fans of a certain all-singing, all-dancing acting extraordinaire called Zac Efron, or as my sister likes to call him, McHottie. He's got a new film out called "17 Again" where 37 yr-old him turns back to 17 and has a chance to relive his life again. The film taps into every person's desire to go back and redo that one part of their life that they either regret or wish had turned out differently.

This'll make sense later.

I'm no different. I certainly don't wish to turn 17 again (NO-ONE WILL EVER SEE THOSE PICTURES) but there are points of my life where I wonder, what if? What if I had pursued architecture as a career? What if I hadn't bitten off more than I could chew with my dissertation? What if I had never gone to FGA and had stayed in the Viet church? What if I hadn't said yes to leadership? What if.......what if I hadn't stayed when my uncle asked if any of us wanted to really know Christ?

How about "I wish?" Ever played that game? I wish I had partied more. I wish I had partied less. I wish I hadn't done that with that person. I wish I had done that with that person. I wish I'd tried that dish. My goodness, I wish I hadn't tried that dish. I wish I'd done something really out there when I still could and now it's too late. I wish I'd stayed. I wish I hadn't stayed. I wish I'd said yes. Why did I say no??

One of my favourite ones is "I could have been..." I could have been thinner if I hadn't eaten (drunk) my way through summer. I could have been successful had I taken that road. I might not be happy but hey, I'd be earning money. I could have been a great many things had I seen them through to the end. Architect, gymnast, singer, wife, mother, dancer, cook, painter, writer, scientist- the list grows and grows. Our decisions shape who we are- but at the same time, our decisions limit who we could be. A thousand and one tangents that will never be realised except for that one path that we choose to take.

And what a path it is when we choose it in line with the path God has picked out for us. See, we don't see the big picture. We see our very short lifespan like a path strewn with rocks. Every pothole, every bump, every glitch (no, it's not the Matrix) that we encounter, it seems massive. HUGE. EARTH-SHATTERING, DESTROYING, LIFE-ALTERING. Each decision takes on the importance of nuclear negotiations with a communist country that is being controlled by a warped leader *coughkimjong-ilcough*, each choice determines our fate- something insanely important to us but to not everyone else.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

-Jeremiah 29:11

You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.

-2 Samuel 22:37

When we zoom out though, change from a macro lens to a wide-angle lens- what do we find? We find that God has already taken into account all of our wondering and wishing and He's chosen the best and brightest path for us into the biggest, most beautiful landscape He created. Created especially for each and every one of us. Rocks? Pfft. Grains of sand in His oceans. Potholes? Spots on a cherry. Glitches? It's more like a single pixel. Everything that we go through- it adds to the splendour and awe-inspiring image of our lives, something He hangs on His wall and goes, "I did a freaking good job with that one." (I decided to update this from the oft-used and much abused "tapestry" analogy. Who on earth has tapestries anymore?).

I <3 Wednesday: It’s (not) easier to be a hermit

2009-04-15T15:22:00.000+08:00

There are many times in my life, and I’m sure in yours (if you’ve been in church long enough) where you just want to love God but not His people. It is a big blatant truth that the church is a gathering of less than perfect people, and as my pastor used to say, “If you find a perfect church, don’t go there. You will make it imperfect.”

Even out of church, I have that desire to get away from people. And perhaps because I am more of an introvert than an extrovert, I need to recharge my ‘social capital quota’ by spending time alone by myself.

Thus, many people, not ‘feeling the love’, and being disappointed in God’s people, choose to say, “I’m a Christian and I worship God at home every Sunday”.

I’ve been reading this book titled “Everybody’s normal till you get to know them” (and how true is that) and it brought up points why we need others, or say, why we need fellowship. Here are two points I picked up from reading. (Everyone should read more. Reading is good.)

- It’s innate, it’s built in. God created us for community, giving us a human-shaped void. God knows that well enough because He Himself has the fellowship of the Trinity (sounds like Fellowship of the Ring), and knows how wonderful our fellowship with others can be, well, at least before the fall of man.

In the words of Ortberg,

Sometimes in church circles when people feel lonely, we will tell them not to expect too much from human relationships, that there is inside every human being a God-shaped void that no other person can fill. That is true. But apparently, according to the writer of Genesis, God creates inside this man a kind of “human-shaped void” that God himself will not fill.

- Science proves it. Here are some stats according to the book.

The Alameda County Study (7000 subjects, 9-years study) shows:
- Most isolated people were three times more likely to die than those with strong relational connections
- People with bad health habits (e.g. smoking, poor eating habits, obesity, or alcohol use) but strong social ties lived significantly longer than people who had great health habits but were isolated.

A Study in the Journal of American Medical Association (276 volunteers infected with a common cold virus) shows:
- People with stronger emotional connections did four times better fighting off illness than those who were more isolated.

Community, although seemingly make your blood boil once in a while, still significantly makes your life better.

We all know that it can be hard to stay in a community or a group of friends or in a church group when there have been past hurts and everything. But I don’t think any church has a zero rate of hurt if you get involved in the community. Come to God for healing from the hurts, and understand that all of us live by grace, that everyone who has hurt you before are also loved by God. For me, I find it tad bit easier to love when I see people through ‘God goggles’.

It always seems easier to be a hermit, but ultimately I think not.

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Click

2009-04-13T23:11:00.005+08:00

There's that popular social belief that women are generally the more emotional, nostalgic and attached of the two sexes. We make scrapbooks, we write cards, we keep mementos.

I like to think that I'm a photographer. Not because I own a big black clunky Canon 400D but because I like to take photos of everyday things that mean nothing to everybody else. That's basically our life right? Things that are important to us but to everyone else, they differ in varying degrees of priority.

With the advent of cheaper, faster, better cameras in this day and age, is it any wonder that our lives are being increasingly documented and archived away in folders and files that won't be missed until a technological disaster that wipes them out? Everyone has done that pose- the myspace one looking up at the camera in different outfits and different locations and events. Now, how do we link the two things mentioned above?

Remember that one summer job, that one class, that one impromptu trip that you wish you'd taken more pictures on? The people, the places, the times and colours that blur with age and memory but with a photo, they come rushing back, even the noises and scents. My friend at WAAPA started taking pictures randomly in class one day of all of us because in her last degree, she wished she'd taken more pictures to remember them by. No-one really regrets taking too many pictures but everyone regrets not taking enough.

Guys take pictures as well (example a: a certain contributor to this blog who can be seen with a black point and shoot every event he goes to) but girls are the ones who seem to place an importance on them, sharing them, looking repeatedly at them, in some, ok, most cases, photoshopping them. Documenting life as it goes by allows us to engage as well as observe. There is a case for moderation though, if you're always behind a lens, you'll merely become a spectator with a permanent growth attached to your hand, making memories for other people that don't have you in them.

I remember my Yr 12 ball photos. I was so busy taking pictures of everyone else, I didn't have any of myself. Granted, I don't really want to remember high school but that's beside the point. Yes, I am biased as a photographer. But there's just something about making memories more permanent for reflection, nostalgia and encouragement. Take a camera along next time. Cameraphone, point and shoot, DSLR, heck a sketchpad and pencil if you're in a tight bind.

MAN-day Mondays: First and foremost

2009-04-13T00:00:00.003+08:00

Friends, today I'd like to ask two very important questions.

Who are we first and foremost?
What else are we waiting for?

These are two questions that have been weighing heavily on my heart in the last few weeks and it's been a very revealing pit stop on this road called life. As a human I've fallen into the trap of distraction, getting so caught up in where I am right now that I forget who I am and who I've been called to be. And after being shown the trap of distraction, there is that part of me that suffers from a second infirmity of the soul, procrastination.

I believe that first and foremost, we are called to be Christians, that is, those who believe in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for our redemption, and a commitment to His ways. Being raised in a Christian family, that phrased rolled right off my tongue, but understanding the full weight of that description is something that I have to constantly work on.

You see, so often we're forced to wear multiple hats in our day-to-day activities. Daughter, son, sister, brother, student, Asian, cashier, advisor, guitarist, small group leader, driver, the list is endless and so often we forget that on top of any of these positions, we are Christian. The name that we call ourselves should cover (and drip over) our lives in a way that reflects His love.

But it's not just a prefix to the hat, it's a submission of our role to God.

If our primary calling is simply to be a Christian, then our secondary calling is what we can call our mission field. On a mission trip we aim to bring a bit of God into the lives of those we encounter, through our words and through our acts of love, and there is really no reason why our daily lives shouldn't be any different. To bring a bit of God into the lives of those around us by living lives in the context of grace.

To use a very personal example, being a Christian Student can bring many things into light which may not have had much impact in the past.

As a student we're living the life of lectures, tutorials, assignments, exams, all-nighters, the wonders of caffeine and the unending social scene.

As Christians we're called to integrity, we're called to live lives which honour His name and we're meant to treat our bodies with the respect they deserve.

So as Christian students, where do we draw the line with all-nighters, how much caffeine is too much caffeine? Or how long can we go on a mi-goreng/chilliz diet?

Or on the flip-side, how easy is it to wake up three hours before an exam, and how difficult is it to wake up half an hour earlier to be on time to Church on a Sunday morning?

It all comes down to a recognition of who we are first: Christians or Students.

And the only way I know to work through this is a daily submission to God and a deeper understanding of His grace, having given us everything in our lives.

To leave the second question largely undeveloped, if we know that we are Christians first and foremost, what on earth are we waiting for?

Thank God it's Friday: Good Friday 2009

2009-04-10T03:05:00.007+08:00

Ange:
When it comes to the Easter long weekend, one of the most memorable memory I've ever had is of a Maundy Thursday service we had in church. The pastor had us light candles one by one from a single flame - having the whole church sanctuary glowing (and very erm. emotional high). A friend decided to wondered if hair wax would catch fire, and tested it on the hair of the guy standing in front of him. Well the hair did go up in smoke, creating this bigger than normal flame in the youth section of the congregation, and adding the final climax to a very somber night of commemorating the few hours before Jesus' arrest.

Might be no wonder why our church never did a Maundy Thursday service again after that.

That aside, I think I am slowly, day by day, coming to grasp the meaning of Jesus' death (and blood and tears and everything) and Good Friday (and why on earth it is good). It's mind-blowing about why He came to die, and save us all from eternal damnation. And it hurts so bad to think about what He had to go through even prior to hanging on the cross - the flogging scene from Passion of the Christ comes to mind. But what continues to hit me day by day, is the extent of His love that compelled Him to go to the cross, to save us through His death. And knowing that love never decreased over the 2000 years, and that love continues to be showered upon me even today. I can only be thankful and grateful.

To quote a song I've been listening to on repeat:

Cries in the desert, My child, I hear them.
Tears in the valley, My lovely, I count them.
You’re so precious; you were on My mind as I died.

Thank you for dying for us.

-------------------------------------------------

Sodabug:

Tonight at the cell outreach for Easter, I got surprised by Christine calling me out in front of everyone to get interviewed. One- not fun. She had a microphone. I freeze around mics and don't know what to really do with them. Two- she asked the three worst questions in the entire universe to be asked on the spot: 1) Who is God? (I confess and at Easter, you confess a fair bit, the first thought that went through my head was "oh, f**k"). 2) Who are you? (I DON'T KNOW!!) and 3) What is the meaning of life? (at this point, I was edging back towards the dessert). So she asked. And this was what came honestly out of my mouth. I know that I've still got a fair way to go towards spiritual maturity and in tight situations, I tend to gravitate towards glibness and humour to diffuse the tension/terror. Bear that in mind please!

1) Who is God?
For me, God is most like a massive diamond. Rare, precious, mine and multi-faceted, each facet contributing to the whole that is the glory of Christ. There's so many different sides to Him that whenever I need Him, to Praise Him, to ask something of Him, to worship Him, to grieve before Him, to want healing from Him- I find another side of God. The benevolent God, the jealous God, the Healing God, the wrathful God, the saviour God, the God who stands in the way of evil and protects me wherever I go, God who laughs and chuckles at my foibles, God who picks me up when I fall. So many different facades!! He's still so undiscovered and yet ever-constant.

2) Who am I?
Gee, that's not a hard question.....not. Although, compared to the next, it's a doddle. I'm still finding out on so many levels who I am. I'm a work-in-progress. On the outside, I design but as any sane designer knows- it's what I do, it's not who I am. I can be many traits, both positive and negative but take away human traits and what do you have? God in me. Well, some level of God in me- I'm not perfect, come out for beer with me and you'll see just how far I still have to go.

I'm not yet finished but I'd like to think that progress is still happening instead of stalled works. I know that I look up because that's how I'm growing- like a beanstalk. I have to grow up to grow into my skin, to become who I was truly meant to be. Like a beanstalk that needs vertical support in order to bear fruit, I need to look up otherwise I end up useless and floppy on the ground with no knowledge of the potential heights I could have achieved. I can go into a lecture about Gothic architecture at this point and how the primary architectural motif of the medieval ages was the pointed arch, like hands together praying and always aiming upwards but I'd bore the lot of yo....zzzzzzzz...

3) What is the meaning to life?
42. That's honestly the first thing that popped into my head, thank you very much Douglas Adams. No, it's not 42. The meaning of life- I don't know. I do know however that the journey there will be far more interesting than actually arriving at the destination. We won't find our fulfillment by struggling and fighting to understand and to gain a modicum of knowledge of the meaning of life. Our satisfaction, happiness and commune with God comes as we walk, as we jump, as we leap forwards towards that goal, with no hidden agendas or human constraints as we find ourselves in God.

Have a blessed Easter filled with unity, family (not necessarily your blood relatives) and peace!

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: The Effect of Easter

2009-04-08T23:58:00.005+08:00

A while ago, I wrote a post on the effect of Christmas. Today, I'm going to talk about the effect of Easter.

I'd like to know when the bunny rabbit became a stronger symbol of Easter than the cross. I guess one of my friend's on Facebook, his status gives us a bit of a clue as to how the world thinks. "Fred: Happy Passover to all those who observe it, Happy Easter to those who are that way inclined and to all the secular folk Happy Long Weekend."It makes me kind of sad that that's the view of the Easter from the world's perspective. So many telling signs, from friends looking up retreats down south for the long weekend, to the lines and lines of chocolate eggs and everything under the sun made of chocolate, to the ads on TV about Easter savings and the encouragement of gluttony over the holiday break. When my friends ask me what I'm doing over the Easter break and I say church, I can see their silent judgements of "BORING."

What's boring about someone who was betrayed by one of his best mates at a simple cook-up, wore a crown of thorns, got the biblical equivalent of a nail gun through all four main appendages, got shafted through the ribs whilst hanging up in the air, managed to rip into two pieces one of the temple's most holy curtains and to top it all off, beat up Satan at his own game and returned from the dead thereby saving a population of people who didn't even like Him in the first place.

They really don't get it. I suppose that's where we as Christians come in. My observation about secular culture at the present however, tells me that most people have to be approached using the Boiling Frog method. Stick a frog in a pot of boiling water and he'll jump out. Stick him in a pot of tepid water, slowly heat it without little froggie realising and before you know it, you have Boiled Frog (disclaimer: this is theory, I have not harmed any frogs in the past). In the same way, non-Christians (mostly) have to be approached with the idea that someone could love them that much to die for them pretty slowly. Bible bashing= no-no. Feeding them (Luke 10 principle in it's most basic form), talking to them, planting seeds of awareness about Who and why we do all of this- dare I say it's a form of yes-yes?

I used to eat Easter eggs in the past. I'm not saying that it's wrong to eat them if we're Christian (or is it....? Hmmm) but I do get sick of how supermarkets and consumers commercialise Easter. I don't suppose chocolate figures of Jesus dying on a cross sell as much as cute little chickens and rabbits.

This is so cute however, I would totally chow down on these.

Random questions now. Why do people say "Happy Easter"? Is it because Christmas has the "Merry" market cornered? Do we as Christians say Happy Easter because we're happy that Jesus died for our miserable criminal selves? I wonder if I could start up a movement to change "Happy Easter!" to "Have a Glad Easter!" because while I'm not necessarily happy that someone blameless took my blame, I'm certainly glad Jesus died for me and my worthless hide.

I <3 Wednesdays: Losing friends

2009-04-08T03:31:00.000+08:00

Last night I stared at the possibility of the decline of a much treasured friendship. I suppose it would have been worse if it was left unspoken, but a deep stirring prompted me get back online, and it ended with a DMC that was much needed, and placed us back where we are supposed to be.

I suppose everyone had their own experiences as to losing friends and sometimes, recovering them as well. I have my own experiences in that, and am very very thankful that this one last night isn’t making its way downhill.

A friend and I were talking about losing friends - whether putting the friendship ‘on hold’ is going to only pause the friendship or will lead to a decline. And whether the frequency of catch-ups is inversely proportionate to the distance between the two friends. (Okay we didn’t go into the inverse proportion part)

We didn’t draw into much conclusion with the intellectual debate, but I think just the interaction through the conversation and going back to talking our own friendships, it might had just added on with the foundation of our friendship as well.

I think the ‘pause’ on the friendship will not determine whether or not the friendship starts declining. It is why the ‘pause’ was hit at the first place.

If the friendship seemingly stopped moving because life got busier and it’s harder to find time to catch up, I believe that once you do meet up, you can pick up where you left off. However, if it stopped because somewhere along the road, either party has stopped caring, stopped working on the relationship, there are unresolved issues that none of the parties want to confront, the friendship would probably tend to drift off faster.

I was reminded of the truth that the work God has started, He will bring to completion. While I despaired at the seeming state of an important friendship, He reminded me that the friendship started and took off because of Him, and when He starts something, He intends it to be exciting, bigger than ourselves, and He will bring it to completion or fulfilment. It is all in His hands, and going accordingly to exactly how He planned it to be – no matter how fast or slow-paced, in whatever time and season.

I learnt that a friendship may seem like its not moving at all, but if the commitment is there to invest in the friendship, busy schedules, personal inhibitions, issues – they will not stop the friendship from moving on. It might be going really slowly, but it’s not stopped, and it’s not declining either. Clothe it with prayer as well – we can’t handle and juggle all that life demands by ourselves. God empowers, God makes ways, and when is at the centre of the relationship, makes it flourish, and glorifying unto Himself.

Another thing I’ve learnt is that honesty matters a lot in a friendship. If everything gets swept under the carpet, one day the undercurrents will surface, and things might get very ugly or the friendship will fade into oblivion. Being able to be honest with each other about your feelings and thoughts, while respecting each other’s, will launch you in DMCs that bring you closer to each other.

I’ll admit that I still have much to learn about human-human interactions, and there are only that much we can learn (and retain) from books. I think part of a great friendship is where we teach each other how to be better friends. Also, I take comfort in knowing that God IS interested in my life and my friendships and He takes control and directs the paths they go.

I thank God for giving me awesome, awesome friends.

And thank you, all of you. <3

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Decisions

2009-04-07T01:29:00.005+08:00

If you've been following my personal blog, you'll know that I've made more than a few decisions lately- ranging from small to life-changing. We make so many of them in one day that sometimes, their impact on us can be discounted, overlooked.

The decision to have toast or cereal for breakfast? Chosen within a minute. The decision to change uni courses? A good solid three months. Why is it that some decisions, like deciding to marry someone are so easily made by some people and others waver in indecision over what shoes to wear that day? Of course, it's an issue of priorities and there are times where, to quote my pastor- "You know and you know and you know". Of COURSE you have to marry this awesome man of God- there isn't any way that you'd say no. Of COURSE you have to wear the silver shoes with that outfit- there just isn't a choice =P I know, I take this all very tongue-in-cheek at times but that's what you like about me. Ahem.

Other times though, the thoughts go whirling in your head like a tornado and you're playing Devil's advocate with yourself. Yes, No, Maybe, Depends- they go swirling around and around and you don't know up from down. To borrow from the format of a friend's post on Facebook, more often than not, the scenario inside a head can be like two people playing verbal ping-pong. (Jess is my rational side, J is the side that runs rampant with dreams, imaginations and hates drinking water.)

Jess: So, we have a decision to make today. Let's weigh out the pros and cons shall we? Got a pen? How about a roll of that yellow architects paper you love so much? Let me just draw up this list...where's that ruler...ah yes, there we go, now we have a list. What's number one J?

J: What?

Jess: Pay attention! My goodness, your attention span sucks.

J: What decision? I don't know anything about a decision. OK, fine but do we have to do this now? Sorry, I'm just in the land of denial. What decision?

Jess: . . . . . .

J: FINE. I'm just going to say the opposite of whatever you think because this sucks and I don't want to make the decision. However, you can't make the decision without me either.

Jess: *grabs a knife*

J: Oi, it's called playing devil's advocate, leave me alone.

On and on it goes, where does it stop, nobody knows. That's where social customs like eeny, meeny, miney moe come from. Don't want to make a decision? OK, let's leave it up to chance and take what's dealt to us. The church tells us to wait on God for all decisions, however, both you and I know that very often, God sounds exactly like that inner voice of yours. Or you sound like God and the lines become all blurry.

I'm not saying that all decisions are like this- there are plenty of decisions I've made because I could see so clearly that it was the direction I had to go- God couldn't have made it more clear than if He'd placed a giant green neon arrow going YES! I'm asking about those decisions that are so murky you can't see the sun through them. What do you do? How do you handle it?

For me, one step at a time. Sounds morose but even the greatest leaders of the world, making huge decisions every day- they still start off their day by putting one leg at a time through their pants.

Monday Merriments: Empowerment & His Love

2009-04-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

Wow. Crazy weekend. It’s been a long weekend, and judging from last Friday’s post, you can imagine how amazing stuff can happen once we choose to hang on to Him during the tough times. The weekend was full of a tangible sense of God’s presence, continuous mind-blowing experiences of where I stand and who I am in God’s kingdom and in Christ.

If I were to use one word to describe, it would be “empowering”.

I thank God for a crazy yet wonderful girls’ cell. Because there’s something very very powerful when a group of girls come together and pray. As another group of ladies just got back from the Colour Conference in Sydney and testified in church about the sisterhood in action, and empowering each other to do more good works for His name and His glory. It’s been all so uplifting and encouraging. How very apt that this blog is started with the sisterhood in mind!

Bible study class on Saturday gave me a fresh perspective on my salvation and position in Christ. Our position always stays the same, we are always on the road to eternal life after salvation. But although our position doesn’t change, our mindset can – and thus translating to the way we feel and act.

I identified with the teacher in class as he related how growing up in church helped him see how it seems as if we need to earn our salvation and eternal life all over again, and ironically the number of meetings we attend in a week determines our holiness quotient. But the truth is once we are saved by grace through faith, we are saved. Salvation is a gift, and gifts are.. gifts. You don’t pay the person back for it – it will not be a gift otherwise.

Thank God that He speaks all the time, and it only depends on ourselves whether we are open to listening to Him speak. He’s always whispering that He loves us, that He’s around, that He is always for us.

I’ve never felt so loved before. (:

HOW-TO Fridays: Praise Him in this storm

2009-04-03T13:07:00.000+08:00

I will Praise YOU in this storm by hornyMOO

I admit, it’s hard finding something to write about in these situations. Sometimes I stare in amazement (maybe a lot disbelief) how much of my life, or myself I expose while writing SFTW posts. It seems easier to write about the positive stuff, to write about happy stuff, the encouraging stuff, and definitely those wonderful revelations and realisations that God reveals. Writing these posts can sometimes be nothing short of a miracle, but today, after a week of ups and downs, and pent up frustrations, a needed miracle isn’t happening as yet.

It was time to get angry with God, to cry out that I’m THAT close to breaking down. There’s this crazy storm raging inside of me, and even after waking up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and just saw nothing but chaos and unrest inside of me.

I was sure by now,
that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again,
I say amen and it's still raining.
As the thunder rolls,
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I suppose it is to first acknowledge that following Christ doesn’t guarantee a life of smooth-sailing. The disciples went through a literal storm, even when Jesus was in the boat with them. It is okay to go through trials, and it’s okay not to be on top of the world, not be jumpy and happy all the time.

But it is to realize that He walks with you through the storms. He is always there. I don’t know how powerful it is to you, but that knowledge that He holds every tear that I’ve cried just blows me away every time. And in the famous story of the footprints, it says that the tough times were the period with only one set of footprints because Jesus was carrying me/you.

The difference between thanksgiving and praise is this – thanksgiving is about what He has done, praise is about who He is. Who He is never changes, and thus even through the tough times, when it seems as if there is nothing to thank God for – there is plenty to praise Him for.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

Looking at what is eternal – His character, Him, it gives hope, it reminds me of the promises He gave before. And knowing Him, we know that it stands.

My storm can still be raging inside of me, but I can still praise Him amidst this storm.

(Lyrics from Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns)

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Music and Art

2009-04-01T19:54:00.006+08:00

Warning: I'm blatantly going to steal off stuffchristianslike.net today (Thank you Jon Acuff).

Most of you would know that my favourite song of ALL TIME is Wonderwall by Oasis. My personal blog is named after it for goodness' sake. That song, ever since I heard it in full for the first time in 2000 has been my mainstay, my constant aural companion, giving me support in my times of trouble, being my comfort in times of distress, adding joy when I was feeling ecstatic for one or another reasons. I've always told my sisters that I'm going to be playing it at my wedding, my funeral, most probably after the birth of all of my kids etc. They roll their eyes at me but I know that they each have a piece of music that is as irrevocably them as Wonderwall is mine. Music has that power, to bring back long-buried memories, to act as a catalyst, to inspire and to be as tangible to some people as a physical blanket of warmth.

Art and design is a double-edged sword sometimes. This is my own personal argument so feel free to disagree or whole-heartedly agree. When you're in a good mood- art and design is creativity- something that makes you realise how awesome it is that you're alive and that you've been blessed to be a human- animals can certainly be creative but only we have the awareness of the impact of our abilities and imaginations. When you're feeling bad, creativity is the noose with which you hang yourself. You're not saving lives, you're not fighting for justice, heck, you're not even feeding people to keep them nourished. You feel like the most insignificant, pretentious, arty-farty, useless, selfish dot in the world for wanting something to be blue instead of blue-green. It's probably why a lot of Asian parents want their kids to focus on something tangible, like medicine, architecture, accountancy, law etc. Arts doesn't put food on the table.

Sometimes I agree with myself, other times I don't. I was in one of those "Yes, I'm embroiled in a useless pursuit" moods yesterday and one of my friends at WAAPA told me "No!! Art is so important to people! We educate, we contribute to the physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing of humanity- without art and creativity, life doesn't exist."

This is where Jon Acuff swings in to defend the artists. He realises that in Exodus 30 and 31, after God anoints the priests of Israel- He anoints the artists.

"I had to read that a few times until I believed. There in the desert, as God establishes His people, as He sets into motion His very heart, the artists fall directly after the priests. Maybe that's mind-blowing only to me, but I find that stunning. Of all the professions, of all the people in the desert, it is the artists He speaks to next. Is there a more beautiful reflection of the importance He places on art and creativity?

We've made God military in a lot of our culture. We march in God's army. We have men's groups that are based on battle, but He doesn't focus on the warriors after the priests. He doesn't say the strength and might are most important after Aaron and the priests. He says creativity is."

When I read that post, it felt like God had spoken directly to my own doubting heart. He still speaks to my doubting heart. The power of arts and music is God-given, not merely an additional side dish that accompanies the main course that is life.

I <3 Wednesdays: Eternity

2009-04-01T14:14:00.000+08:00

This came to me at a prayer meet for our church’s youth district camp yesterday. Following JustWallpaper’s initiation on a discussion about why don’t we just get saved before we die, I knew that there is much more to life than salvation and then just waiting to die to go to heaven. Responses following the post reflected that definitely salvation is not just a ticket to heaven, it’s the start of a relationship with Christ through to eternity.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NIV)
“.. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men..”

That yearning of eternity in our hearts leads us to the ONLY One in the world who can fulfil that yearning. That only an eternal God can fill.

I can’t remember where I read it, or who said it to me, but it came to mind last night. The question was asked why we are made to live for eternity, and the answer came back that because God is so.. God. There are infinite things that you can learn of Him, from which you can know Him, so much that you’ll probably need an eternity to know Him.

And eternity starts at the point of salvation. And the earlier you start knowing Him, the more you will know of Him before meeting Him face to face. And so far, from what I know, from people who have truly believed and truly experienced Him, no one ever wishes that they’ve known Him later, but only to have known Him earlier. Once we taste that bit of eternity where God dwells and find that it is good (Ps 34:8) , it will be no wonder that we will crave for more.

But I suppose we always have that nagging thought in our lives, looking at others who seem to have a better time in life, or a more enjoyable life as compared to one on the narrow path. There was days that was particularly hard for me, where the cost of discipleship, of following Christ, just felt so.. heavy.

It sounds okay to give up reading romance novels, listening to Linkin Park or even *gasp* coffee. But when it comes to having to watch your actions which comes normally, changing your lifestyle to one that is more God-pleasing, having to guard my heart and others instead of just letting it all ‘flow’, having to choose people to spend time with that will matter and impact my life positively, it sounds like a different ball game. I’m dealing with internal stuff, stuffs that can possibly impact for eternity.

Damn right it’s hard. It’s effing hard. Christians were never promised an easy life, even Jesus himself said that the cost of following Him is high. I want the “But we will not give up hope, we will not give up persevering!” appropriate at this time to be resounding and convicted, but life, reality, always makes theory harder to apply.

The only consolation to me is that this tough hand life deals at us will be insignificant in the light of eternity. And the choice we make now to honour God despite the circumstances will echo through eternity as it shapes us, mould us, refine us, to be more like Christ everyday.

To my dear brothers and sisters who are stuck in a rut, who are struggling (just as I am), hang in there. Choose to develop that relationship with God and make becoming Christ-like a priority in our lives. Take comfort that we can return home to a familiar God if we choose to know Him better right now, and we’ve got an awesome eternity ahead of us.

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Regret

2009-03-30T23:03:00.004+08:00

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”

It's something that everyone deals with at one point or another. Regret. It can be as shallow as "Oh, I shouldn't have worn this top with those shoes" or it can be as serious as "I can't believe I did that last night." There have been plenty of times where I wished for a rewind button on life- if I could go back 5 years in my life, as much as I would like to say that I wouldn't change a thing, in all reality, I'd change a lot of things.

I'd lay the groundwork in relationships and friendships to make them so much stronger so that today, I wouldn't be losing friends. I'd try a lot harder in my Architectural Psychology unit so that WAAPA would be so much easier now. I'd learn to sew. I'd say No in some situations. I'd say Yes in other situations. One of the biggest things I'd do is to make friends with certain people earlier in life. I just think of all the wasted years and regret not knowing that person for longer.

Sometimes, when bad things happen, we regret how far we've fallen and how we got to be that way. What can we do?

How do you deal with that odd monster regret? You don't let it get bigger than itself. Regret is a feeling and only that. It doesn't and shouldn't have the power to drag you down. It doesn't have the power to put brakes on your life and make you stop dead still in the middle of your life and refuse to let you go on. I know that it is one thing to say it and entirely another to feel it. Perhaps it's better to visualise it physically. Regret is a dweeby office moron who, in the Boss' absence, assumes control. He's assuming power that isn't rightfully his at all, he's merely appropriating it. Regret is still that dweeb, only you're letting him run amok with power that he doesn't own. Stand up to Regret!! TELL HIM THAT HE IS JUST A DWEEB AND HE'S NOT GOING TO TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE! It'll be hard making yourself heard over the din of Regret's droning and life's chatter. Until the Boss comes back of course.

MAN-Day Mondays: Actually

2009-03-30T17:50:00.002+08:00

I dislike this word a lot.

Actually, I really loath this word.

The word used twice already as of this morpheme, I actually find it very offensive.

I was going to actually write and express my disgust at this word that everyone seems to be actually using. And half the time I don’t think they actually realise it.

Take a step back yourself, think back to the conversations you’ve had and try and recall how often you or the party used the word. Now remove the word and you should have come to the realisation that actually, the word is overused, and most of the time actually quite unnecessary. Speaking of which I shall stop this satirical attempt of littering my post with this word, I feel extremely defiled using it so loosely.

Truth be told, I may be exaggerating about its frequent misuse. It is after all quite a powerful word that can shift the power of the conversation to the (mis/ab)user of this word. And therein lies my problem of it.

When you boil the word actually down, coupled with the tone and context of the sentence it is used in, it conveys an air of arrogance. A very “matter-of-fact-regardless-of-what-you-said-before-what-I’m-about-to-say-supercedes-it-and-is-better”. People have instinctively and subconsciously picked up on this power, and start to use this word more and more to gain that foothold in the conversation game to assert their ideas.

For that I can’t blame people.

Naturally we want to be heard, we want to be right, and we want to make sure everybody else knows we’re right. And more often than not this is a recipe for disaster. Even though ironically I’m doing the exact same thing by imposing my hatred for this word of which is one of many, at least in the medium of a blog you get to choose whether you read it, without fear of me raging out against you, or getting you wrapped up in an argument that will always lead to nowhere.

The crux of the matter is, allow everyone the respect they deserve to convey their ideas. Realise that everybody – and if you must differentiate – men and women have their unique way of expression that can be easily misunderstood. The world is already cluttered enough as it is, that it does not need everybody wasting their breath on the delivery when what’s important is the package.

If we stop for one moment to listen intently to the nuances of the conversation, we may actually learn a thing or two and realise that we don’t really deserve to be perched high on that pedestal because we think our thoughts are that bit more superior.

Jem actually hopes to achieve world peace through promoting conversations where people don’t have to fight to be right by using the word ‘actually’. His promotion of not using the ‘actually’ loosely has prevented several wars from breaking out in the artic regions between the penguin tribes living on icebergs.

I kid. Jem’s a great conversationalist, has a crazy entourage of friends who adore him, and is actually quite hot. And humble enough to tell me that I'm exaggerating about the entourage of friends. (:

HOW-TO Fridays: How to dress for church

2009-03-27T00:38:00.000+09:00

I went back all the way to the first HOW-TO Friday post on concert etiquette, of which Jess mentioned briefly about how girls dress in Christian events or concerts. I said that I would think about it, and we can leave it to another day for discussion. Well, the ‘another day’ is today!

Modest dressing has always been one of the hot topics that are addressed over youth camps, and it is easy to come up with a rulebook of do’s and don’ts on dressing. But I suppose instead of a legalistic approach towards dressing modestly, it would be good to consider it a few other aspects.

The Message
There is always a message that we are conveying with what we dress. The pair of stilettos conveys sexiness and confidence, the well-tailored blazer conveys professionalism, power and class (and possibly a demand for respect). A getup that shows more skin than it covers just screams for attention (and sex). Wearing all black with Black Chuck Taylors and eyeliner reads ‘I hate the world’ emo.

I admit, they are stereotypes. But most of the world judge you by the way you dress, and what is the message the church is sending out to the rest of the world, through our dressing?

The Culture
In Aussie culture it is perfectly alright to wear shorts, skirts or sleeveless tops to church (then again it depends on your denomination as well). However, we will observe stricter dress codes going to conservative Asian societies (nothing above the knee, no sleeveless tops, etc) as respect to their culture.

The way we dress is a form of respect, especially to people of a different culture. We hear of missionaries to China in the olden days who sport a pigtail as they lived with the Chinese. We dress to identify with the group of people we hang out with. And people would feel more akin and open up to you much more if you can identify with them, and the most obvious identification is how we look and dress (and subsequently act and talk).

The Threshold
I think that as much as culture differs, and how ever liberal the society might be, there is still a line to draw. That line may seem blur sometimes, but I think it is natural to see a certain type of dressing and know that it is definitely inappropriate in church. When church starts looking like a flesh parade, there is something very very wrong.

The Holiness Factor
Even most non-Christians who come to visit will make sure that they dress appropriately to church, because church is a ‘holy place’. Sometimes we get too comfortable with God, we forget that He is holy and that His presence makes the place holy. What then do you wear to a holy place?

The Others Factor
One major reason why modest dressing gets emphasized in church, is because the way we dress may stumble others. We can cause our brothers-in-Christ to sin, because contrary to what the fashion magazines say about flaunting our assets, a pair of breasts threatening to burst out of its top is distracting when the focus during the worship service should be on God. And yes, I think girls can get distracted too. I get distracted (the “AHH MY EYES!” kind) by VPLs, granny panties peeking out over the jeans and butt-cracks*.

Just a last thought: if God is bigger and more powerful than the Queen of England, why would we put in much more thought on what we are wearing when we have tea with the Queen than meeting the King of kings?

Have a good weekend. (:

*VPLs, granny panties and butt-cracks are not in the ‘norm’ of immodest dressing. Then again I don’t know. Anyone like to share their opinion?

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Why Lizzie Bennet?

2009-03-26T00:00:00.000+09:00

We ALL know why we love Mr Darcy. I want to know why he chose Lizzie Bennet. Why would someone as rich, stunningly broody and swoon-worthy as Darcy choose Elizabeth Bennet, the second daughter of country bumpkin gentry, his shrill nagging wife and a bunch of sisters, who sign off as Shallow, Boring, Stupid and Ditz? Apart from the sneaking suspicion that she was truly the best out of the bunch, there's a lot we can learn from Lizzie Bennet.

1) She was willing to give Darcy a second chance. I'm no literary genius but I'm pretty sure that with a culture like the one Darcy grew up with, he wouldn't have gotten too many chances to redeem himself had he even dared to fail at anything. After Darcy wrote his impassioned letter to her, her heart chose to let him get close again. Maybe there's someone in our lives that has long past the redemption of a second try but there's always room for grace right?

2) Patience. I would have shot or smothered those sisters of hers in my sleep. I'm very lucky to be blessed by 2 awesome sisters and not seemingly freaks of nature like how Austen protrays them in P&P. Her heart for her sisters even led to her tolerating that awful floozy Lydia who ran away with Wickham. The novel tells the reader early on that she is her father's favourite because she has "something more of quickness than her sisters" (read: she's the favourite because she's smarter and more alive than her dozy siblings). Living with a bunch of girls the way Austen describes her sisters, Lizzie is a saint really.

3) Lizzie had balls. Noone in her situation would have said no to a stunningly rich man proposing and yet she said her time's equivalent of "Hell no!" and even insulted him in the process ("...had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.") Kudos. She kept her self-dignity and her wits about her when faced with a situation that would usually have caused mass tears.

4) She's not above reproach. She takes the criticisms leveled her way when they're fair (see when Charlotte upbraids her when Lizzie is incredulous at Charlotte's match with Mr Collins). She begins to recognize her own prejudices and her errors in judgment- the reader can follow her evolvement throughout the novel.

5) She's not overly emotional. When her extremely neurotic, calculating mother (I hate her in EVERY SINGLE ADAPTATION) is in hysterics, Lizzie is the calm. When Jane breaks down because of Bingley, Lizzie is the one whose shoulder she cries on. She's not a complete robot though, her tears spur Darcy to find that cad, that sod Wickham and bring him to justice.

I love Pride and Prejudice- can you tell?

I <3 Wednesdays: Jesus VS the church

2009-03-24T22:41:00.008+09:00

Something someone said on Sunday sparked off a line of thought within me. They said "If we're being inspired by the church, we should use that inspiration to be awestruck by Jesus." Well, it's paraphrased, I can't totally recall the exact words.

In my heart, I can't agree with that. I found myself asking- "Why isn't it the other way around?" For me, right now- the church is proving the complete opposite of inspiration. Politics, situations, world sentiment, mega-churches, some debatable ethics etc- they're all taking an impact on me in regards to how I see the church in this modern era. Uh-oh time? You betcha. It worries me when I start to wonder how else I can occupy my Sundays =S

However, the turnaround would be "If we're being inspired by Jesus, we should use that inspiration to be awestruck by the church." Now, I can understand that. Jesus is the cornerstone that all churches are built on, the foundation, the building block- Jesus is in the atom, He is the atom. For me, I take heart from Jesus in this modern age of churches. Take away the lyrics, the band, the sermons, the plastic acrylic lecterns, the perspex cage around the drummer, the lighting, the glossy bulletins, the flags and dancers, the welcome teams, the cups of coffee, tea and milo, the building, the tv evangelists, the media resources, the biblegateway.com, the ushers, the collecting tins/bags, the powerpoint slides, the crying rooms for the mothers and babies, the crosses around necks, the fishes on the back of cars, the little bookmark cards in bibles, the highlighters specifically for bible pages, the metal cases that bibles can come in these days and the radio mikes.

Just a note: I'm not bashing these things. Goodness know that I actually have a fish on my car and a cross around my neck. They all serve a purpose. It's just that it shouldn't be THE purpose.

What's left? The Word and the Son. I'm not inspired by the church at all right now. I'm inspired by a man that fed the hungry, taught the ignorant, laughed over dinner with taxmen, loved with His whole heart, healed the sick, cared for the infirm, obeyed His Father, turned the other cheek when He was struck, preferred peace to violence, re-attached the ear of a soldier sent to arrest Him, washed the feet of His friends, loved little children and there's the whole turning water into wine thing but I'm inspired by the fact that he didn't try to hoodwink the guests with inferior wine after they had had a few wine skins =D

Let's be inspired by the building block and not the edifice.

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Dancing in the rain

2009-03-24T00:00:00.000+09:00

A friend and I used to talk about dancing in the rain quite a bit, in a way as an imagery for a different perspective, a lease of freedom and non-conformity. I think that’s nearly the ultimate expression of freedom and non-conformity, placed up there along with standing at the front of the Titanic shouting “I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!” (Thanks Leo).

It rained today (Monday). Just that bit. And as anyone carrying heavy groceries and having no umbrella would be, I was annoyed (Could have been PMS as well). But when the thought of dancing in the rain crossed my mind, other thoughts shot it down instantly.

“This is crazy.”

“What about your groceries?”

“Maybe next time when you’re not carrying anything, then again, when do you ever not carry anything?”

“Where are you going to take shelter when you’re done? There aren’t any shelters around, and you don’t have a car to hide in.”

“If you are soaking wet, will the bus driver let you on the bus?”

“You don’t have time.”

This idea of dancing in the rain was discussed years ago, and maybe I outgrew that dream a bit. But the truth is, I suppose these thoughts are the reason why I never danced in the rain before.

Funny how God draws my attention to an analogy of that to life. It’s an age-old story.

Following the narrow path, not conforming to the patterns of this world (Romans 12:2), doing His will, doing something God called us to do although it seems absurd in our perspective, to walk on water like Peter did (Matt 14:25-32) . We’ve always got some reason or excuse not to do it.

“This is crazy.”

“What about my own ambitions?”

“Maybe next time when I’m not so bogged down with my own problems.” (We tend not to venture into the future since God knows and controls the future anyway)

“Where am I going to go after I finish your work? All my friends would have moved on, and I’ll be looked upon as the M-I-A person or the outsider.”

“After following your narrow path, will I still be able to be accepted in society?”

“I don’t have time. Next time, promise!”

Maybe if we realise or can visualise the outcome – that sense of freedom, of liberation, from all the shackles and things that tie us down in this world, knowing that we are in His will, enjoying His presence and favour. And even that slight envy from others when they see how happy you are and wish they have just a fraction of your joy. Could it be more worth it to do so then?

If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.

You only need to take the first step out, you only need to make the first move. He is there to guide you through, to dance with you.

At least you wouldn’t catch a cold after. (:

Monday Merriments: A God of no words

2009-03-23T00:00:00.003+09:00

A song that I've had on repeat lately is "I Surrender All" done by Michael W. Smith, featuring Coalo Zamerano, a Latino Christian singer. He does his section of the song entirely in Spanish and even though I don't understand a word of it, I can feel the Power and the Presence behind the Spanish.

A friend is headed to Africa soon and even though he doesn't speak a word of Swahili, I hope that he can find a church over there to attend. When I was in Vietnam a while ago, we attended Viet church services (my understanding of Viet is so pidgin, it's shocking). The service is almost totally unintelligible to me but I felt the freedom in having no english vocabulary to hinder my tuning into God and His ways.

Think of a piece of music with no words and how you feel when you hear it- the pure simplicity of feeling without having to decipher the nuances and social meanings of words and just a connection of deep calling to deep, from heart to heart. I'm going to have this song on repeat for the next few days I think.

HOW-TO Fridays: How to say no

2009-03-20T00:52:00.004+09:00

What do you do when it feels like it's coming all at once/crashing down on you/swamping your abilities/driving you insane/too much is being asked of you?

I have no idea. I only know how to endure it and deal until it's over. I'm writing this at 2:09AM when I should be sleeping- I haven't slept before 1:30AM at all for the past 3 weeks. I'm being kept on my toes by a myriad of problems, projects and things I SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID NO TO BUT DIDN'T AND AM NOW SUFFERING THE CONSEQUENCES. A pastor once told me that she felt that I was the kind of person that couldn't say no- a past cell leader also confirmed it. It's not that I don't say no because I'm a pushover or that I'm just really that nice (I'm not). It's just that when a friend asks- I want to help them and it's a case of biting off more than I can chew and saying yes before I've really thought if I can handle it.

That's dangerous because that's where my most hated adversary comes into lukewarm being- mediocrity. I loathe being mediocre and the fastest way to mediocre-ville is to rush things. My uni work is going to suffer for a few weeks as I get things in order- I have the feeling I'm going to be MIA next week. Oh well. I was out of the running for best designer of the year after my TOKA fiasco with the director.

I need to learn how to say no. I guess one way I'm using is to keep a diary on me at all times and actually use it to keep track of my dates, events etc. When someone calls through or contacts me about doing something- I check if I'm free for a good amount of time before and after it- at least 2 weeks (it used to be a week but even that's not enough these days). If there's something else, I just have to say, "sorry but I can't- I have something else on that week" and then I have to force myself to leave it. No offering to help in another way, no volunteering my services in another aspect. NO.

Prioritise. As a design student at WAAPA, my productions come first. It's what I'm there for, it's why I'm still learning. Family time- also prioritised. I don't see them enough anyway. Church duties- yes. Unfortunately for me, there's a difference between church duties and church events. Bad yes. This always leaves my social time at a loss though- a necessary evil whilst I wade through this mess. Say YES to work and NO to fun times. Bleargh but NO.

It helps to have people around you that know you well enough to know when you're about to take a bite of something you can't chew. You know what also works though? Knowing your capabilities and abilities. Can I build a set of 6 stands in a week? Plan it out, draw it up! Can I do a set design in a night? Bring on the caffeine but don't you dare say yes to doing a photoshoot the next day. NO.

I may sound like uber-nerd but make to-do lists, like a granny. I love making these lists, it beings things into clarity- order them from the time you wake-up to the time you go to sleep and it keeps you on track. If something pops up and it doesn't fit into your schedule at all (given the room for a bit of flexibility of course), say no. NO.

NO.

“We’re Cultured!” Thursdays: The Case for Faith

2009-03-19T02:46:00.000+09:00

I’ve been re-reading this book called The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel, which addresses 8 major objections people have towards Christianity, by interviewing experts on the matter about it. Objections such as “Since evil and suffering exist, a loving God cannot”, “It’s offensive to claim Jesus is the only way to God” and “A loving God will never torture people in hell”.

The experts on the field includes multiple PhD holders on theology, philosophy, archaeology, history, writers of many books on these topics, and much more. They have studied and investigated and refuted the claims against Christianity. And yet their studying and defence of the Word led to their own personal experiences with God and their faith being strengthen over and over again. This has become a testimony and an inspiration to me as well, being surrounded by a world which places its emphasis on intellect and claims knowledge as power (it’s called university).

It has been so far, a very good and encouraging read. To know that these questions that seem to make God fallible and Christianity a joke have been refuted beyond doubt, that Christianity and God has been ‘evidence-based’, and that the promise that ‘seek and you shall find’ stands true, increases our faith in this relationship we have with God as well.

One thing that really stood out to me in the book, as well as life this past week, is how we like to assume things. We might only know part of the matter, but we assume because of that part we know, we know everything. As in the book, many controversies and questions about Christianity came about from not fully understanding the context of the passage, the culture and context back in those days, and the symbolisms of actions.

It is like how during the sermon last Sunday, the pastor talked about knowing God’s deeds (what He does) but not His ways (why and how He does it). We might not understand why He does what He does in the bible. But it comes with knowing Him personally, and understanding through His word, His ways.

I suggest then, if there is any questions or any doubts about God, do not draw conclusions too early. The bible is worthy of being examined word for word, passages after passages, books after books, and they have withstood the scrutiny of the world for the last 2000 years. Expound on it, read it through and through.

As Jesus has promised, “Seek and you shall find”. Keep seeking, and I pray that one day when you find the Answerer, the answers do not matter that much anymore.

I <3 Wednesdays: Camaraderie

2009-03-18T00:08:00.005+09:00

Definition: Camaraderie

- A spirit of friendly good-fellowship
- Close friendship in a group of friends or teammates
- A spirit of familiarity and closeness
- Goodwill and lighthearted rapport between or among friends; comradeship

At the bottom of all of these definitions (a few amongst many) lies the main ingredient- heart. I was reminded of it tonight whilst at all things, celebrating a holiday that's not from my country- St Patrick's Day. There's so many different groups that make up our lives these days. These groups are the building blocks to who we are though and their significance within a Christian context is not to be discounted. I never agreed with people who only hung out with church people hey. People from other walks of life add flavour and variety. The companionship you have with these groups- it's what provides life with conflict, pleasure, spice and that extra something interesting, whether it be sadness, pain or contentedness.

There was a group of us celebrating a bit of the Irish tonight and there was a guy that came up to our table, insisted on shaking hands, toasting us all and having a good old time- drunk probably but harmlessly happy. Something about St Patrick's Day in an Irish pub and suddenly everyone's your friend. They really understand what camaraderie is- even if you're not Irish, if you're willing to celebrate with them, that makes you as good as Irish. Gotta love it.

I've felt a fair bit of it recently, what with my production opening at WAAPA. The company and crew of Tales Of King Arthur- we all bond through the experience. These things can tint your life with a tinge of camaraderie that will last long after the event, group or experience is over. It's either bonding through extreme stress, happiness or sadness but I find that in the end- it's nothing you regret if the team/group/bunch of friends have that invisible connection.

I've found that some of my closest friendships come from camaraderie evolving. I think that camaraderie is the very tenuous faint link between acquaintance and friendship. It's also called grounds for random friend requests on Facebook but that's another story.

Camaraderie is the beginning of people pressing into the concrete of your life- leaving imprints that last as surely as if they'd plummeted from the heavens and created craters in your heart. Somewhere along the line, you change from being forced to be together, whether in a work situation or an academic situation to wanting to be together outside of that reason- and camaraderie is born. So don't discount that study group, that team being assembled from several floors in your office, that assigned team for group projects- everyone has the ability to connect with you in some way, whether for good or bad. As long as you don't remain in neutral and refuse to risk making friends, reaching out etc, camaraderie remains that stepping stone to better relationships in life, love and everything else.

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Make room

2009-03-17T02:27:00.000+09:00

A relapse. That’s what I call this certain state that we find ourselves in more often that we like. You know how you ask God to take full control of your heart, to fill your whole heart with His love, but one (not so) fine day, you find yourself asking God to do the exact same thing again? It’s kind of like this old song from Hillsong when it goes,

“I said on Sunday how much I want revival,
but then on Monday, I can’t find my bible.

I’m sick of playing the game of religion
I’m tired of losing my reason of living.”

On the bus to uni yesterday morning, a restlessness in my heart compelled me to start a silent conversation with God. Within that few minutes He showed me that I have been making room for something else in my heart, of which He is excluded from.

It concurred that making room for something does not say that it has occupied that space, but its the preparatory stage for that to happen. And in this case, it ran a parallel with if I’m thinking a lot about a certain person, I am probably preparing a significant place for the person in my life.

It might be good, it might be bad. But we all know how thinking (includes dreaming/fantasizing) about some guy will eventually lead to developing a liking for the person. Likewise, if the smallest negative thought about a person stays in your thoughts, you will eventually develop feelings of dislike for the person.

I have been told that the brain is thought to be part of the ‘heart’ in biblical times. It makes sense then, when making room for something else in your heart starts from thinking about the object or the person.

So then, when the Holy Spirit convicts you of a impending stray away, what do you do?

Ask God to take full control over your heart again, surrender daily to His will in your life (because yes, humans forget very very easily). And thank Him for never letting you go.

MAN-Day Mondays: Let’s go meet some nice Christian men

2009-03-16T00:00:00.002+09:00

Men today are gutless and spineless.

There. I’ve said it. And I believe every word of it. Because I see it all around me. My friends, my colleagues, relatives, strangers, I even see it in me.

We are irresponsible, indecisive, reckless, unromantic, non-committal, worthless, uncouth, lazy, pigs, etc., etc., the list goes on. And I can see all the feminists out there nodding their heads in silent agreement.

Some time back I was listening to a topic being discussed on talkback radio. It was about the role men play in relationships in this modern era (I’ve briefly touched on this before in one of my comments some months back). The topic was about how women can’t seem to find a good man to marry. Everywhere you look, the scene is the same. Women complaining to their friends how all the good men are taken, how their current date is being such a jerk, or how they seem to be dating all the wrong men. I have colleagues who – to me – are very attractive (before you start calling sin, I’m MARRIED, not DEAD!), yet they have trouble finding the right guy. They flit from one man to another, never really settling down, sometimes with only a month’s break between relationships. This has made some women literally take their love life into their own hands. Some just bury themselves in work to build a career; some lose their morals, thinking the more they give, the more they will be loved. Some even turn lesbian, because they believe other women understand them better.

What have become of us men? How have we as the male species sunk to such a low, even the earthworm is better than us? At least the earthworm has a purpose, and they don’t stop working.

I believe part of the blame has to lie with the feminist movement of the 70s. Girl power, Women’s lib, bra burning, all that. Like all human philosophies, its heart is true and pure, but its expression is as ugly and poisoned as the cane toads invading our state borders. Somehow the emancipation of women has led to the emasculation of men. And we as a generation are reaping the consequences today. Women run the homes now, they make the decisions, raise the kids, feed the family, build a career, and the husband sits on his couch playing XBOX all day. This scene is a result of women thinking men can’t be depended on. So, men retreat into their shells. Afraid to rise up, afraid to make decisions or take risks. Emasculated.

This mindset has become so prevalent it has crept into the Church. Christian men who are ‘nice’. They’re not too crazy, they’re down to earth, they’re stable, they’re just ‘nice’. Go to church. You can meet some nice men there. That’s our problem. We’re too nice.

Fortunately for us, Scripture has a very different take on what a man should be. Take Jesus for example. If I were to ask you to describe Jesus using 10 words, I doubt ‘nice’ would rank as one of those. Instead, words like ‘saviour’, ‘healer’, ‘king’, ‘hero’, and ‘leader’ would come to mind. He was strong enough to drive the merchants out of the temple, yet gentle enough that children were unafraid of Him. He had power over all created things, yet made Himself the Sacrifice for his created things. Where am I going with this you ask?

Have a look at Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
What does that mean? It means us men getting off our cellulite-ridden, pimply backsides and doing something for once! We need to love our women like she deserves to be loved. We need to love them so much we will do anything for them, including giving our lives up for them. Our women need to know they’re valued, treasured, and most of all secure. I’m sticking my neck out by saying this, but I think two and three-quarter years of marriage has honed my wife-understanding skills a little better. As men, we need to show that we are not afraid to stand up for them. That we will fight for them. We must become their knight in shining armour, coming on our gallant steed to save them from their distress. Okay maybe cut out the gallant steed part.

Some women may baulk at what I’m saying, but I know from talking with others that most women would want their men taking the lead in the relationship. Deep down this is how God has wired us, men must be men, and women must be women, to do anything else is tantamount to committing relationship suicide. It’s a wonder why only now, the world is starting to catch on.

This has got nothing to do with chauvinistic attitudes. Chauvinism is the demon-child borne from biblical values gone awry. The word that comes closest to what I’m describing would be chivalry. It starts by opening doors for your female friends, but extends to so much more than that.

Men, take charge, be the leader, be the alpha male, be fun, be adventurous, be wild even, and most of all imitate the example set by our Saviour. He would be the perfect specimen of a man, not Mr Jackman.

ps. – saying sorry doesn’t hurt either

Jimmy writes today's guest post from a great perspective that we haven't had before- the married man. He's also passionate (about fishing lately), curious, a wonderful friend and sounding board and one awesome role model. He's an eclectic mix of rational deep thinker and excitable kid at heart plus he's an awesome musician to boot. When his comments started getting longer than my posts, I invited him to share his thoughts =D Thanks Jimmy!!

ETA: Mr Jackman is still lovely to watch however.

HOW-TO Fridays: How to blog

2009-03-13T00:34:00.000+09:00

I assure you this is just like any other idiot-proof guide to blogging, and it guarantees you at least 100 unique visitors a day if you follow my step-by-step guide to blogging.

I kid. I don’t claim myself expert, I can only say that I’ve blogged for a long time, and read enough blogs. So then, for this generic-sounding post, I share some things about blogging that I’ve learnt along the years.

1. Know why you blog. It started as picking up something others have been doing, then it became an excuse to practise my essay writing skills, then it became a place to rant, and after coming over to Perth, it became a medium to keep in touch with family and friends, and a possible revenue for cash (Nuffnang or Google Ads). Now, it has a combination of all of the above, as well as somewhere to deposit spurts of one-liners or random thoughts.

However, what is the motive of doing whatever you doing it for? Know your purpose and motive for blogging, and so long it is nothing illegal or wrong, reminding yourself once in a while keeps you on track on whatever you are doing. Also, as an awesome sister-in-Christ will tell you, since we are to do everything to glorify God, blog to glorify God.

2. Think twice, thrice, before you hit publish. Ah, something I have experience in. Once, I was upset and with that, generated a whole post on ranting even with names of people (from church) I was upset with, and all that. Involved friend read it, we had a major fallout and did not make up till a month later. That was not a good month at all. There are many times we’ve seen blog wars start up because of a provocative post written by either parties and things never end without at least a few casualties on both sides. It is always ugly.

If you think no one reads your blog anyway, let me assure you that that is not true – Google Blog Search and Technorati are dedicated blog search engines. And in no impression think that hitting ‘delete’ solves everything – there is something called RSS and something called Google Cache, which takes a snapshot of every page in the Internet. And its amazing and scary at the same time.

3. Don’t be longwinded, or at least, don’t write about your day everyday. (Unless your life is a soap opera I suppose) Because I think even you yourself will not be interested to know what you had for lunch and whether you did homework that day three years down the road.

4. Don’t feel restrained or legalistic about blogging. It’s okay to try a new writing style, a new project (eg. Jem’s A Psalm a Day, Sodabug’s 365-days self portraits) or not blog. You are not obligated to blog everyday, nor are you required to answer to anyone – unless it is a sudden hiatus and people might wonder if you’ve gone missing. If not, much as blogging might be a huge part of your life (it is for me), make sure that your life does not revolve around your blog. Make sure God is still number one.

5. Know that what you blog can impact others. That’s why people look into social media and blogging as the next big thing, that’s why people pay famous bloggers to do advertorials, and that’s why we started SFTW. We hope to build up other women of God through sharing our experiences, our thoughts and our struggles.

6. Have a life outside of your blog. We are still humans. We need human contact, we need time with God. We need these interactions without technology as a medium. If not, where else do you get inspiration? (:

7. At the end of the day, remember everything in this world is temporal. Although you can have a wide readership and support, the ability to influence readers and speak into their lives, the same way it comes, the same way it can go. Writing this blog taught us to much more than what gets published, the lessons we learn, the interaction and conversations with God prior, during and after blogging, they might not be seen, but it changes our lives.

I recognise how blogging is like living. We translate what is inside of us to something we can sense. And thus, what is inside is reflected on the outside. Thus, realise that our blog can become a testimony to others about our relationship with God.

Blogging, to me, has been an overall wonderful experience. But perhaps sometimes we will get dependent to this way of expressing ourselves, but remember than our number one refuge, comforter, source of strength is still the One above. (:

Have a good weekend. <3

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Social LOL moments

2009-03-12T00:41:00.004+09:00

Tonight, whilst looking at a Tiffany's window display, I didn't see the ultra-clear glass they have in the windows, lent in and banged my face against the glass. No kidding. Ask my friend Ruth, she was cracking up with laughter in the middle of King Street. When the staff of Tiffany's get to work tomorrow, they're going to wonder at the Asian faceprint in the window.

I remember a conversation I had a while ago with someone, talking about those moments in public when you do a very idiotic thing, whether it be flinging a piece of lobster across a room at a restaurant, losing your shoe on the way to get your graduation certificate, falling on your face in the middle of a crowded foyer or spilling a drink all over yourself. Everyone has those plain dumb uh-oh moments where inevitably, you'll get shouts of "Taxi!!" or "Blonde moment!" coming your way. What do you do in those situations?

Cry? It's a bit extreme but perhaps a sensitive soul might cry. I've always felt though that it just made the situation even worse. It's drawing more attention to yourself. Run away? I used to do this when I was younger. It made me angry though, to feel like I was weak for not staying and bearing it out. Act as if nothing happened and as if these things happen all the time to you? Sure- but I find that if other people laugh, when you act like nothing has happened, it makes them feel a bit awkward and the laughter abruptly stops. Then once you're gone, the snickering will break out.

My way to deal is laughter. Laughter unites like nothing else- if you can be self-deprecating and have a little giggle of your own when you stack it on a crosswalk in the city- a smile will usually a) tell people that you're alright and b) invite others to join you in laughing at life's little hiccups. Of course, if you're with a bunch of mates, they'll not forget anything that easily and give you crap about it for the rest of the day if its a mild accident and years if you do something huge like singe your eyebrows off whilst ordering a flaming drink at a bar. And yes, I did laugh at myself after I smooshed my face into the Tiffany's window.

I <3 Wednesdays: Bottlenecks and crystallisations

2009-03-11T02:30:00.002+09:00

I've been having an internal struggle with what I study in school challenging my core beliefs. Being rather overwhelmed with all these issues and upcoming assignments, I prayed about it, and after that, vocalized it to some friends (well over IM anyway). One friend helped me to see what I couldn't see amidst all the thoughts swimming, and another friend provided a fresh perspective on viewing my struggles, and in a way I've felt much better and somewhat clearer knowing where I stand and where the rest of the world stands in the matter. However, If I were to keep them in my head, and just let the thoughts run, perhaps it would have only made me feel much worse than before.

When I set my thoughts into text (or ink), either through blogging, through journaling, even through talking to others - it sorts my thoughts out, perhaps filtering what is considerable or of importance from the absurd or paranoia in the mass of thoughts brewing in my head. Also, listening to the issue from another perspective helps me to understand it better, and draw a better conclusion or stand to the issue with the increased understanding I have about the matter.

A good friend and I were sharing on Monday, about how journaling in a way crystallizes your thoughts, because writing it down is such an absolute action. And looking at it after writing it down can be such an epiphany or encounter with what is really in you.

Many times we refuse to admit to something because saying it out, or admitting it, is the first step to facing the problem and solving. And as all humans are, we would rather run and hide than to face it. (Read last Thursday's post)

This reminds me of how relationships are. I've had friendships which existed in the superficial, with both of us knowing that there are undercurrents and unresolved issues we brush aside. These things build up, and when the day that you wonder where this friendship has gone to comes, or when everything spews out in an ugly mess, you know that it could have been prevented or avoided, if both of you addressed the small issues before they became big ones.

It is the same with God. Someone once put across to me how the process of a hardened heart happens. The first time the Spirit prompted you, it was loud and clear. But as we choose to ignore that prompting, that voice, over and over again, our hearts harden gradually, and the voice gets dimmer and dimmer each time. (Kind of like not clearing our ear wax and letting it build up, or accumulating plaque in your arteries and decreasing the size of your lumen thus decreasing the amount of blood that can flow through.) (Sorry.) And before you know it, you can't hear His voice anymore, and wonder why He stopped talking to you. (Same way, you can't hear if your ears are filled with ear wax, and if you get a blocked artery, you know how bad it can get.)

But somehow, it would seem as if the state of not hearing God isn't as severe as not being able to hear or a blocked artery. May I propose that once you have heard God's voice in your life, once you have experience His presence, His peace, His love, His joy, the absence of them and the mediocrity and dullness our life become can be so much more unbearable, and fatal to our spirit?

Write it down, say it out - communicate the issues, admit its presence and confront it when they are still small and manageable. Our minds can comprehend and store a lot, but building these up, and internalizing the unresolved issues with others and God can only bring us harm in the long run.

(I can draw a whole analogy on crystallizing and liquids reaching the bottleneck and decreasing the overall volume and the need of a crystal in solution as a 'catalyst', but its 2am in the morning and Sodabug probably would not want me to start a science experiment here. So if anyone wants to attempt to draw the analogy you are totally welcome to do so in the comments. (: TYVM.)

LIFE-day Tuesdays: Taking things for granted

2009-03-09T23:21:00.006+09:00

In case you didn't know, I'm Vietnamese. For some reason, most of the people I meet bar one (you're the anomaly Jem) seem to love Vietnamese food and are willing to do the oddest things to get it. They also make the oddest noises when they eat it. Whilst witnessing this odd phenomenon at a pho day during the holidays, I made the observation with PBVN (a usual guest blogger of ours) that "we take our culture for granted hey?" We've just grown up with Viet food as a staple and it's nothing that awesome to us.

Another thing I've taken for granted is family. I find it somewhat different and somehow unsettling to realise that not everybody has such a closely knit and tight family like mine. My sisters and I almost live in each others pockets. Having to live without them for a month was hard and those of you that saw me in that time can attest to a)how much beer I drank b)how much coffee I drank and c)how much complaining I did.

But that's the thing isn't it? You never know what you take for granted until it's been taken away from you. I'd like to propose a different perspective though- that we don't know what we take for granted until we see somebody else love it to pieces. It's like having a fresh set of eyes looking at something and pointing out an aspect that you forgot about, a point that you've never seen or an element that reawakens that former passion inside of you. I was at a jazz club on the weekend and there was this girl in the corner I was watching. She was standing up and dancing away, dressed in black and totally grooving to the jazz, really getting into it. She was a marked difference to everyone else, including me, who were just standing there and letting our heads subtly mark the time. Watching her obvious enjoyment and the musicians really enjoying and loving the music- that made me appreciate jazz even more.

Why is it then that if you're stalling spiritually, that the last thing you really want to see, hear or be around is passionate Christians? Is it because their singing gets on your nerves? Is it because they dance and clap and shout "Hallelujah!"? It's because you know that you want to feel what they feel- you wonder how and why and why can't you? This song by Jason Robert Brown, a NY songwriter and composer sums it all up.

Music of Heaven

I come with my armor in place,

Emotions in check,

And thinking I’m smarter,

Or just more realistic.

I sit with my frozen smile,

All the while

Reluctant to trust what I’m told.

Cynical, cold,

Challenging music of Heaven

To open a crack in my chest

And let something glorious in.

Music of Heaven

Should puncture me, suddenly

Blessed, blessed, blessed -

Let the music begin.

They sing and they cry and I watch,

Lean back in my chair,

The classic New Yorker,

Alone among millions,

Indifference upon my face,

Out of place,

But longing to feel what you feel...

Like it was real;

Like there could be music of Heaven

That opened some path to your soul

And let something glorious in.

Music of Heaven

Allows you to give up control ...

Yes, yes -

Let the music begin.

Let the music begin

Full lyrics here.

Monday Merriments: Knowing that you are not alone.

2009-03-09T00:15:00.008+09:00

Last week has been about late nights, assignments and looming deadlines (which get subsequently delayed), and this post on my personal blog gives you the glimpse of the climax of the week - seeing someone get knocked down by a car right in front of me.

Thinking back on it, it was the shock I myself experienced, and figuring out that I could have very likely be the one getting hit as well. But one of the things that 'did it' for me was feeling totally alone and helpless in the situation.

I thank God that at least the girl looked fine, and she was left with good hands, and if you're reading this now, it would be nice if you can say a prayer for her too. Me, being rather disturbed about it, talked to my discipler about it on Friday night during cell group, and she prayed for God's peace to rest on me, and that the fear and shock will go away. And God's peace came, and the fear and shock did go away. And yes, the scene stopped playing in my head.

Also, I realised that He was there with me at the exact moments that it happened. It was not like a psychiatric appointment where you relate the past incident to Him, but it was that He was there all along with you, knowing exactly how you felt at that point of time.

Perhaps it does make a huge difference in knowing that you are not alone in a situation where you feel totally alone and helpless about. Maybe there is power in numbers, especially when this One next to you is the Almighty in control of everything, even the life of the girl who got knocked down.

He was there, and He was in control. He still is in control.

PTL.

HOW-TO Fridays: How to break a habit

2009-03-06T00:00:00.000+09:00

I used to bite my nails, ever since I started piano lessons in Year 1 and my piano teacher would scold me for having long nails. I used to bite them off on the way to her class so I'd skip the scolding and lo and behold, the habit stuck. I bite when I'm stressed, when I'm nervous, when I'm bored, when I was waiting etc. I've even made myself bleed by biting my nails right down to the quick. The only time I stopped was when I got braces in Year 11 and I couldn't get to my nails anymore. Yes, it's a very bad habit.

I don't bite anymore though. I broke the habit. It took someone betting me that I couldn't stop it for 10 days and although that may not be a good thing, my competitive spirit led me to do it. After 10 days, my nails actually looked somewhat normal so I decided to keep on going. They say that the time period to breaking a habit is 28 days roughly. 28 days straight without doing your habit and it should be enough to make you quit for good. So that's 1) Keep at it for at least 28 days!

2) Ask yourself why are you doing that habit? There are deeper reasons for why that habit has become involuntary to you- what are the underlying causes? What's the payoff for doing that habit? There's always a payoff. I bit my nails because it felt good to be doing something to take my mind off whatever the situation was. I knew that they'd always grow back so I had a renewable source of mindless entertainment. Even when I bit them to the quick, for some (sadistic) reason, the pain, the sight of blood would still be a source of detached entertainment for me.

Why are you going back to those sites, calling up that person, buying that pack of cigarettes, eating a feast for 4 by yourself, procrastinating? It's a release, it stops the hurt for a little while, you can't relax without it, it's a comfort, you don't want to do it? Deeper below the excuses and we see a myriad of reasons- loneliness, dependency, a need for acceptance. These are but a few of the many reasons why human beings stick to bad habits and you can't address symptoms without knowing causes.

3) What are you sacrificing for it? Why do you consider it a bad habit? Aesthetically, my nails were disgusting. Even I was ashamed of them. Are you sacrificing building relationships with people, a healthy body and mind, the emotional health of your friends and family, academic or career success? You know why it's a bad habit and yet it still happens- sometimes it's just easier to cave and deal with the consequences rather than fight. Fighting is hard. But we fight for the things we love, care for, prioritise and invest in. The moment we stop caring, the fight is lost and the habit becomes all the more powerful.

4) Make the choice! People say to write it down to make it concrete, tell a friend to create accountability, keep reminders around you of your decision. All of these things work but find your own way to keep your choice fresh in your mind.

5) Substitution. Find something else to occupy yourself, your hands, your mind with. Go for a run if you find yourself gravitating towards the computer, the phone, the pack of ciggies. Apart from staying healthy, physical activity tends to release endorphins which make us happy =D Whatever our chosen activity of replacement is, it will leave us feeling far happier with ourselves than if we'd stuck with the bad habit which leaves us feeling like crap. That's why it's termed a bad habit.

“We’re cultured!” Thursdays: Who's to blame?

2009-03-05T01:38:00.003+09:00

I think we live in a time where we start realising that although we screw up sometimes, it might not be exactly our fault.

---

If you're fat, it's not your fault. It can be genetics, or your early childhood eating habits that shaped how your eating habits now, and now you can't help it anymore.

If you're drenched from the rain, it's not your fault. The weather forecast predicted that it wasn't going to rain.

If you're stressed out with last minute studying, it's not your fault. It's the institution, the education policies, the government.

If you've fallen in love with someone of the same sex, it's not your fault. You can't stop your feelings and fantasies, can you?

If you've fallen in love with a married man, it's not your fault. You can't help your feelings, and you can't help that older men are sexier and more charming, can you?

---

It's easy to do finger pointing, or play the blame game. Biology, chemistry, physics, philosophy, sociology, psychology, anthropology - all of them tell us that somehow, somewhere it is not longer really our fault. That stands true to a certain extent (yes I believe in God and science), but as our human nature will allow, we take it all, and leave the fault and blame entirely to everything and everyone but ourselves.

It's like going to trial for murdering someone but not pleading guilty because you can't help it that you're so angry, and that the murder weapon just so happened to be present. And throwing it all out there, blaming everything and everyone, instead of just admitting what you have done, face the consequences and move on. Quoting sodabug, "that's why lawyers earn so much money".

Perhaps the fear of facing the consequences is what compels us to run and hide from our screw-ups, make up excuses for what we've done. Or it's our pride, wanting to tell ourselves that we're okay, thus thinking there's nothing wrong on our part. Maybe that's why in many self-help programs these days, the first thing to do is to acknowledge and accept that you need help/you have a problem.

But we have much more. We know that we are forgiven of our sins because of what Jesus has done for us on the cross, and with His resurrection that we can overcome all those screw-ups - even those that we land ourselves in. It is to come to terms with the problem/issue/screw-up, but knowing that perfect love has drives out all fear.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

And about justifying our actions by how we feel, it is not true that feelings are the beginning and end of it all. Our actions stems from our feelings, our feelings stems from our thoughts, our thoughts stems from our attitudes, our attitudes from our beliefs.

Knowing that our feelings don't rule and our thoughts are not everything, has become one of my greatest breakthroughs in life. Knowing that I can choose not be consumed by feelings, or depressing thoughts, that leads to depressing behavior and words and everything. It first comes with choosing the right way, of which, needs to be discerned as God's way.

The truth is we live in a world where what we believe and what we stand for is often the true minority. The narrow path is narrow and there's no compromise on that. Many times, in order to choose God's way, we have say no to things that the world says yes to, and then we find that the world is totally against you. Perhaps that's what being in the world but not of it means.

John 15:18-19

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

But He always provides a way, and He is with us until the end of age, and the Holy Spirit guiding and teaching us to live everyday. Therefore we should ground ourselves in the Word, maintain that close relationship with Him everyday, cover ourselves in His blood and His grace, live right, and hang in there - we're all on this together.

God bless.

I <3 Wednesdays: Equilibrium

2009-03-03T22:51:00.004+09:00

Equilibrium is a number of things. Apart from being an awesome film starring Batman (Christian Bale), equilibrium is defined as "balance: equality of distribution", a "state of balance between opposing forces or elements" and "objects at rest or moving with constant velocity are in equilibrium and have a zero resultant force". Equilibrium enables us to stand upright when we walk. We lose it after too much beer. Equilibrium is also a chemical reaction and its reversal at the same speed but you had better ask E about that rather than me. Arts student + science = massive lose.

Equilibrium is also important because we are triumvirate beings. Body. Soul. Spirit. Everything exists in such a delicate balance that when one gets out of whack, everything else suffers. Snuffly nose? That's just a symptom. The real battle lies within, your white blood cells attacking infectious cells but by the time the snuffly nose appears, the battle has been waging for longer than it seems. Feeling upset about something and then feel sick? There's a medical term for it- somatisation. It's when your feelings manifest physically into an illness or a symptom. Seeing as our spirit is at the centre of everything- something going wrong usually means that something is out of balance spiritually.

Like me for instance. I'm not exactly doing too good right now in my "soul" arena. I don't know what the heck it is but I feel like every variable- time or lack thereof, sleep or lack thereof, stress (stupid uni), weather (I'm sunburnt again), favour from colleagues and friends, debt (stupid laptops) etc is impacting and creating small craters in the areas that make up my soul- heart, character, personality, mind etc. It's leaking out into how I interact with friends and family. I feel like I'm PMS-ing across several weeks rather than a few days. The thing is- I know I'm not spiritually dead. I hesitate to say diseased or sick as well because for me, that implies that I'm suffering under something when it feels more like I'm lacking something. I'm also fine physically but we'll see how long that lasts shall we? The closest I can come to describing it is that something in my spirit is out of whack and it's rippling into my soul arena. It won't be long before it becomes apparent on the surface then.

I feel like I'm walking around lop-sided. How to find a cure or at least a way to stop the decline? The obvious answer is to turn to God but that's not saying the full thing. I can say "I need God" as many times as it takes a day but if I don't lift a finger to read the Word, if I don't close my eyes and utter a prayer, if I avoid people who want to help me then I can say "I need God" til I'm blue in the face and I still won't be cured. What it takes is an act of deliberate will- the will to do the things that need to be done, to say the things that need to be said and to contact the people that you know will make you feel better even though it feels SO MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE to sit in a quiet place by your sad self and rock yourself to sleep. I should know, that place has the impression of my body in it a lot during the year.

My equilibrium is out of whack, that much I know. I guess the first step is acknowledgement. Now onto the next.

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Influence

2009-03-03T01:03:00.006+09:00

I've been struggling with this issue for a bit, on company and friends and the allocation of time for them, family, God, and now, studies. Truth is, I'm not good at time management (then again, it seems like I'm not good in a lot of stuff. So PBPGISWOM*.) and so when it comes to choosing what to do and what to spend time on, I usually lean towards friends, family, and Facebook (oh the 3Fs!).

Definitely, the amount of time spent on a certain thing impacts your life as well, because for the amount of time you spend on something, you're using your energy and concentration on that. But as God speaks to me about this year and of the plans He has for me, I admit I'm not very enthusiastic about it. Partly because it tackles a part of me that needs a lot of changes, and because for that He has planned, in my impression it seemed to be a lot of time to be given up for 'the better stuff'.

I expressed this struggle/concern to my discipler, and she told me,

"It's not the time, it's the influence."

If anything came back soundly from that session, that was that. It makes perfect sense, except that perhaps I never realised it before.

It is true that time allocated reflects your priorities, but the amount of influence you allow that area to influence your life is perhaps even more crucial. It's like you can work 9 to 5, which is 8 hours a day, five days a week, but it is possible that your work does not control your life.

The same way Jem wrote about communing with God first thing in the morning in his post on Psalm 5, and how when Jon Acuff writes about rising up at 5:09 AM, there is this sense of letting God be first to speak into your life, and thus be the major influence in your life for the day.

Using a teabag analogy: you dip the teabag into the water first thing in the day, even for just a while, it infuses into the water and doesn't go away. The water is changed and it can't turn back to what it was before. (I can go even further and talk about how its so strong an 'influence' that it can even stain the cup, but never mind.)

So yes I can imagine, that when you start conversing with God at the start of the day, imagine the influence that He can have on you for the day. And you may just end up conversing and spending time with Him for the rest of the day! How's that for both influence and time?

So then, who or what's the major influences in your life today?

* PBPGISWOM means "Please be patient, God is still working on me." (:

MAN-Day Monday: Who's your eye-candy?

2009-03-02T00:00:00.001+09:00

"One thing I ask of the LORD... that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD..."
- Psalm 27:4

As I was looking out of the window enjoying the view of a sunset at a food court in Causeway Point just last week, God out of His grace revealed to me an insight on the topic of beauty. He revealed to me that we as fallen human beings are too easily content with beauty.

All of us delight in the contemplation and admiration of beauty. Just think about the last time you saw a beautiful sunset; a majestic mountain range; a pretty girl or a really handsome guy (to some people this may also be read: eye candy); we can't help but stare, admire and 'enjoy' their beauty.

If we can so easily fall in love and be in awe of created things in and of themselves, how much more wonderful it would be if we focused all our energies toward adoring and contemplating God, whose glory and beauty far surpasses all these worldly things in desirability and pleasure. Sometimes however, I feel that many (myself included) find it difficult to really contemplate the beauty of God. I mean, no one has ever seen God, so how do we actually contemplate and enjoy this beauty?

I believe this answer can be found from two places (from what I know and remember now at least) in Scripture. Genesis 1:27 says that "God created man in his own image..." (emphasis added); and in Psalm 19:1 it says, "The heavens declare the glory of God..." (emphasis added). These verses basically say that all created things, be it human beings or nature, all try to give us a glimpse of the glory or beauty of God.

So in answering my previous question, I believe one way we can catch a glimpse of the beauty of the Lord would simply be through enjoying the beauty that God has placed around us. However, we must be careful that we do not end up falling into the trap of simply enjoying creation in and of itself, but to use creation as an aid so to say to help us comprehend the beauty of the Lord. We must also be extremely cautious that we do not end up creating an idol or image of God (Exodus 32:1-5) which then substitutes God. For myself, when I am enjoying a certain aspect of creation, the thought that runs through my mind would be this: if a created thing can look so majestic, beautiful, fearsome, ferocious etc., how much more God.

Jonathan Edwards puts it aptly when he said,

"The enjoyment of God is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of earthly friends, are but shadows; but God is the substance. These are but scattered beams, but God is the sun. These are but streams. But God is the ocean."

Creation is merely an incomplete echo or reflection of God. We have to trace this sound or beam all the way back to God.

My prayer for you this day is that you would seek to see more of God. In the same way I've seen people try to find ways and means to simply get a glimpse of their 'eye candy', let us have this great passion and desire to see more of God, whose beauty far surpasses ANY created thing. O what great joy and satisfaction it would bring our Christian lives if we only had a glimpse of this glorious God, that we may echo the psalmist when he expressed his desire to God, to "dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple."

in His service,
David

Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

David Wong, more affectionately known as Dwong, is a man after God's heart, and an awesome brother-in-Christ. I had the privilege to see him mature and grow (both in height and spiritually) since we were much much younger. And I should say, he is probably an eye-candy to many girls at school as well. (:

Dwong has been posting these short devotionals on Facebook for a while now, and this is one of his earlier posts (which I admit, caught my attention with its title). Very smart to post these notes to a very captive audience in my opinion, and thanks for being awesome and giving me permission to put up this post. (:

HOW-TO Fridays: How to feel happy in under 8 minutes

2009-02-27T02:32:00.003+09:00

I admit, I had no idea what to write for today's post when I sat down at the unsightly hour of 2AM to punch out today's post. I happened to log into Facebook and noticed my friend Brian had changed his Facebook status to "Brian Totally wasting my time on this http://youshouldhaveseenthis.com/". Being the nosy soul that I am, I clicked and now I find I can't get off it either. (disclaimer: some of these videos may not be safe for work or edifying).

Number 36 jumped out at me though. This is the how-to of the week. Watch these youtubes and just marvel at several things. One man's idea. One man's travels. One man's inspiration and finally- one man uniting humanity to create something so utterly heart-warming and happy that you'll find it hard to wipe away that smile from your face afterwards. How-to feel happy in under 8 minutes? Watch these.

I know that it's easy to dismiss this as yet another viral youtube but sometimes, I need reminders that the world is out there and it's filled with amazing places, people and that God loves each and every single location, person, city and community. I continue to be amazed at how we're gifted and blessed with creativity and imagination and vision.

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Swinging the extremes

2009-02-25T23:42:00.006+09:00

I remember the time when Spice Girls was the absolute craze, and how they talk about girl power, and how Sporty Spice (Melanie C) has a tattoo on her arm writing "女力" - "girl power" in literally Chinese translation. And that in itself is funny, because well, that term never quite existed in the Chinese society, and thus putting the Chinese word together made it an irony in itself.

And that was probably my first major impression on the impact of feminism in our society. (Note: Wikipedia has an extensive article on feminism, which is much more accurate and sound that what my definition of feminism is, so.. yea. But that wasn't really my point anyway. Lol.)

So then, we have the ladies who say that we can do it all without the men. "Who needs men? Bah!" We fight for equal rights, believing that we can do everything a man can. (Which I think is really pretty much not true)

On the other end of the spectrum, there is the 'needy girl' - more distressed and desperate than the damsel in distress, more needy and insecure than a needs assessment can assess. You can literally identify them once you spot them really, the air of vulnerability and weakness can probably gets to your nose before you see them.

I know those were really really bad stereotypes of women and I apologise. I can identify in myself parts where I want to stand for feminism, and parts I just want to be a damsel in distress. I do not disagree on the stand of feminism because it has indeed liberated women to be so much more than the society allows them to be. But at the end of the day, the actions, behavior displayed just stemmed from thoughts sprouted from something deeper inside.

I propose the word 'insecurity'.

Insecurity, in my opinion, stems from not knowing our identity in Christ. And it manifests in either of the extreme ways - finding security in a facade that 'I don't need security' or desperate seeking it.

I've struggled with that, and I can imagine that a lot of other sisters out there do so as well. There's always part of us we are insecure about - my nose, my arms/thighs, the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I laugh, and so much more.

God says it so loud and clear that He loves us despite who and how we are. But the devil likes to tell us otherwise, that we're not beautiful enough, that we're not funny enough, we're not likable enough. From there, comes the insecurity and its manifestations in our actions - flinches to the way we talk/walk/dress/etc.

Ignore the voice of the devil, and tune in to what He says about you - beautiful, lovely, totally worth dying for. Then we might flourish into what He intended us to be, in all security in the knowledge that He thinks that we're hot. (:

Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
Indescribable - Chris Tomlin

I <3 Wednesdays: Heart

2009-02-25T00:00:00.000+09:00

The point of "I "heart" Wednesdays" is to address matters of the heart. Initially, we thought that Wednesdays could be used to tackle boy problems seeing as the majority of young females, attached or not think about that a lot of the time. Don't deny it, with every Austen adaptation or rom-com release, that imaginary wedding scrapbook grows a little bit.

I'm finding though that the range of Wednesday posts is spreading to not only include all things mysterious and boy but to all friendships, struggles, patterns and idiosyncrasies of the heart. We've discussed everything from BiC to honesty to singleness to Godly assurances. You know what's funny though? The heart in all technical terms and the bright light of day is just an organ, a muscle that pumps blood around the body and is highly designed for that purpose. It's a muscle. It's a muscle. It's a muscle. I believe that the heart only gained popularity as a symbol of love because someone looked at someone they loved and felt all funny in that region of the chest. If they'd felt all funny in the region of the right hand, can you imagine what Valentine's Day cards would look like?How romantic.

I find that when you describe someone as having heart, inevitably they have substance. They have integrity, strength and they have passion. If someone has a heart for the lost- they have desire within them to see people return to God and they have the balls to do something about it. No-one who has the heart for something leaves it to sit there on the shelf. Passion equals time spent, effort taken and sacrifice made for whatever that thing is. I'm passionate about photography. It means that I get up at the crack of dawn to catch a sunrise, it means I pay good money for equipment and it means that I will wait an entire afternoon to get one shot I want.

For some though, heart may signify something inherently female. All the qualities that are associated with heart- compassion, love, care, peace, joy etc- you rarely see men brushed with such a label (that's not to say that men aren't those things). You do find men who have loads of heart though, although it may be labelled differently. If someone is described as hearty- they're usually strong, robust, full of life and brimming with enthusiasm about something. Lion-hearted describes someone who loves larger than they are, someone who combines bravery with love and gentleness.

All of a sudden, we find that heart isn't just a peculiar shape that gets overused and commercialised to the point of nausea. The heart is no longer a muscle. It's not even red anymore. Heart encompasses so much more than a symbolic form. Heart gives us courage, heart gives us strength beyond anything we thought we had. Heart comes from God in the darkest time when He whispers to us "Take heart child!" He wants us to take heart from Him because He's got plenty to give. We use the word heart because that's the closest "object" we can find to describe the indescribable divine force that motivates us and propels us through life, a God-given life.

ETA: This is the 100th post of sisterhoodFTW!!! Many thanks to all our readers and onwards to the next 100!!

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Changes

2009-02-24T00:31:00.005+09:00

It is, again, the start of the school year. As always, we have the upsetting first day of school (which happened for me) and the getting lost looking for the classroom, and just the transit from the holidays and full swing into school mode kind of stuff. Also, it becomes the time for the new - new (and higher) knowledge, new friends, new season.

Sometimes, things get upgraded, or changed, to a newer version. Units in school get revised, computer operating systems upgrade to newer versions (and of course the backlash when Window Vista was released.. MANNN), and sometimes our friends and our environment changes.

I know understand a friend's frustration last year, when she perceived a year before as a great year, but the following to have so much changes that it is no longer the same, or as good as before. I suppose it's especially hard sometimes to come around with changes, especially when you perceive the past year to be awesome, and this year to be better, but so far it disappoints.

I wouldn't say that I've come around to accept that, but I suppose the only thing to do is to look up and tell the All-knowing, "I know that You know what You're doing, and I'll go along with what You have."

Whether your year has been till now - fabulous, good, bad, busy, mad, crazy, plain right horrible, we'll get through it together. He is still in charge, and He has but good things for us. All we have to do that to trust Him, and go along with Him.

I know I will falter
I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long long journey
And I need to be close to you
- Journey by Corrinne May

Monday Merriments: Age

2009-02-22T23:42:00.004+09:00

You're never too old!!

That's my Monday Merry thought- that no matter how old you get, you're never going to reach a "Use-By" date.

What inspires this post is a lady named Anne. She's 63 and this afternoon, she was baptised in my pool. She had a life of just going through the motions and when her kids all grew up, found that things just weren't satisfying until she had a friend bring her to church- church, not Christ, not yet. Anne was on the outskirts but eventually got into cell and now- she accepted Christ and wanted to be baptised- Praise God!

You're never too old to accept Christ into your life. Alternatively- you're never too young to make a stand for Christ. Age is never an issue when it comes to God. It matters not that Anne is 63- God has plans for her life, plans that are only possible because of her life experience up to this point- that's the beauty of God, that He has our lives held securely in His hands. All the experiences that we go through- they're not random occurrences. The "use-by" expiry date? That's actually the "packaged on" date. We start from now.

HOW-TO Fridays: How to save a life

2009-02-20T00:00:00.009+09:00

Luke 9 (NKJV):

23 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.

24 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.

25 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?

I tried doing a wordplay with the title, today's verses and 'How to save a life' by The Fray - not successful. I suppose the only way is to dig straight in.

Here is how to save your life - lose it.

I remember when my churchies and I embarked onto a discipleship course, and the first over verse we have to remember is Luke 9:23. "Deny yourself, take up your cross daily, follow Him." The following verse (24) started with 'For', which in the English language, proposes verse 23 to be the solution to verse 24. (Anyone please correct my grammar if it is wrong. TYVM.)

Here is how to save your life - lose it by denying yourself daily, taking up your cross daily, and following Him.

And then, verse 25, with another 'For', tells you why you should lose your life. Because you can gain everything in the world, which is temporal, but lose yourself at the end of it all, because you lost everything eternal. Alexander the Great, at one time, the world's greatest conquerer, was rumored to have requested for his hands to be outside of his coffin to show that it was empty - for empty we came to this earth, and empty we leave.

Here is how to save your life - lose it by denying yourself daily, taking up your cross daily, and following Him, because what use is there to gain everything in this world and lose everything above?

We want to hear what we like to hear. We can give up stuff that we are okay to part with. Fund raisers and missionaries come to your church and tell you that if you give $30 a month you will be making a huge difference in a child who is living in a third world country, and perhaps makes you feel like you've filled up your quota for giving for the month. Maybe giving up $30 a month to feed a poor child in Africa is okay for you. Perhaps giving up part of your holidays to go on a mission trip is okay for you. (oh and imagine the fun you will have!)

I am not belittling or condoning these efforts, because they are all for His kingdom and His glory. But God didn't ask us to lose only part of our lives. Or give up part of our holidays. He says to 'lose it', to 'deny yourself'. It is rather definitive, rather whole, a kinda 'all or nothing', isn't it?

As Jon Acuff wrote about giving people the easy stuff, and yesterday's post on giving something (Oh btw, check out the comments, Jimmy posted some very good questions to discuss about. Join in the discussion!), I want to up it even more, and challenge you to lose it/give up ALL.

Not just your holidays, not just your 10% + a little more. When Jesus asked us to take up our cross (v23), it was not during the holidays, or when you can afford it, it is daily. A daily denial of self and surrender of your will, your dreams, your ambition, your purpose. A readiness to lose it all when He asks of it (read Abraham sacrificing Isaac), a commitment to live everyday in accordance to His will, not ours.

Good news? It's never too late to start 'daily'. And please don't dwell in the part of the losing, it is only part of the process of saving your life.

I'm sure storing up treasures in heaven will be worth losing everything here. And as they always say, you'll never realise that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.

To sum it up, D.L. Moody said it all too well:

"The world has yet to see what God can do through one person who is completely surrendered to Him."

Cheers, have a good weekend, and God bless. (:

Special thanks to BibleGems.com

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Giving something

2009-02-18T23:24:00.003+09:00

I give blood today. It's my first time donating so I'm not quite sure what to expect. I wanted to give blood back in high school but they wouldn't let me as I weighed under 45kg when I was in Yr 11. I can give now though because I'm way heavier than 45kg- not too sure whether that's a yay moment or not. Leaning towards Not.

One of my reasons to give just happened to occur whilst I was trying to book my appointment- the Victorian bushfires. The day I decided to ring up- the Red Cross was inundated with people wanting to donate blood for those over east. I was on hold for 45minutes before I got through! Truly, crises bring out the best in humanity. One reason I tell myself that I'm giving is that I'm giving blood because right now, I can't really afford to give money. I'll give what I'm swimming in, literally. I'll give what's at my disposal.

Altruistic as I may think it is, I know that it isn't the right way to think. Actually- is there a "correct" way to go about giving? We should give because we have plenty but there is so much merit in giving despite our little as well- for others will always have far less than us. The parable of the woman who gave two copper coins because that was all she had springs to mind. She gave out of her nothing and in this present time where it's relatively hard for someone living in Australia to have nothing, it should inspire us to give from our plentiful.

I'm not being discriminatory or anything but there are a LOT of examples of women giving in the Bible. Alabaster jars, perfume, coins, hospitality, tears, even the Old Testament had women giving shelter, water, oil and cake. It's not a trait of women that we give. Men and women give because we're human and created to give in some way but perhaps women have an easier affinity for it? Hmm.

I <3 Wednesdays: Love is not blind

2009-02-18T01:18:00.002+09:00

I think today's Wednesday post might be the last one I'm doing for quite a while. After so many weeks of writing Wednesday posts (as Jess did her love languages series), it feels like there's really nothing much to write anymore. I suppose, the only thing is that, God still never fails to amaze me.

In a way, as much as our human relationships are complex beings nearly able to exist by its own, our relationship with God can be so much more than that. He, after all, created our human relationships. Also, our human relationships, could always in a way, reflect some aspect of the relationship between God and (wo)man.

I was just thinking about it in the shower, how when say we will start building a relationship up and start falling 'hopelessly in love', a lot of times beyond much rhyme or reason. (Perhaps explains for girls like the bad boys although they know full well that they are bad for them, although I personally like to believe that the good guys end last.) Very possibly at that point of time, the heart rules wayyyyy over the head, much persuasion at that stage could very likely not get us out of that state of being 'in love'.

I suppose the state of being 'in love' (I'm not sure why I'm putting 'in love' in quotation marks, but I think it'll sort out in a while.) makes us do a lot of irrational stuff. Perhaps when we were younger, to spend time with our lover and rebel against the parents, to say 'I will love you for the rest of my life' without truly understanding or meaning it, the likes. When we grow older, we fail to see why this jobless bummer is not the man for my life at this moment. Bringing it to the extremes, that state of 'I'm doing this because I love him/her' could lead us to pre-marital sex, changing our lifestyle to totally suit his/hers, or become an accomplice to a crime. (Don't laugh! I watch Crime Night and all that! It's true!)

God commanded us to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, strength (Matt 22:37), but it is not all blind. The most outward expression of loving God is worshiping Him, (and its not sing-song Sunday worship, it is the glorifying God every day of the week kind of worship) and in John 4, Jesus tells of how worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth, and not worship based on feelings and whatever I want to believe to be true.

Wouldn't that say that loving God/worship is but a sane, and conscious activity, since it has to be rooted from deep within and based on truth?

Perhaps then, when we bring this back to our human relationships, we might see a new perspective in how we might fall 'in love'.

I believe that the right love (for the man of my life) will resonate in us, not just the emotions on overrun. but something deeper - a peace within that transcends all understanding (Phil 4:7), a yes from my God-appointed authorities in my life, and knowing fully well that God has not been replaced as number one in my life.

I believe that it will be built on the basis of truth and the truth of God's word, will possibly not an entirely irrational thing (although I do acknowledge that God works in mysterious and sometimes humorous ways.)

Then maybe with all these as foundations, our emotions and love can flourish in a healthy way. And what you have will be a love story God authored. (:

Oh, and happy belated Valentine's Day. <3

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Love Languages- GIFTS

2009-02-17T00:00:00.002+09:00

"What is bought is cheaper than a gift."
- A Portuguese proverb

Who doesn't like a present? OK, I'm biased when writing about this because this is my dominant gift- both to give and receive. A gift is a symbol of thought. It doesn't have to cost anything- something hand-made is often worth far more than something bought. For me, I'm very much a visual person. I respond best and I express through visual signs of communication. That's why when E handed me a tiny box of earrings to replace a pair that I'd lost- I was so darn touched. No reason for a present to be given- the gift was purely a gift. Cost is irrelevant- the time, effort, thought and reason for the gift is worth so very much more.

You don't get a guy bath salts (unless he's one of those guys). You don't get a girl a soccer ball (unless she's one of those girls). In order to give someone a gift- if you're serious about it- you gotta know them somewhat. I know that for me, trying to find something for someone as a gift is so time-consuming because I'll often be standing there, umm-ing and ahh-ing about it until I give up and go make what I see in my head because stores can never get it right.

I'm guessing though, that some people might see the love language of gifts as being somewhat selfish. "What, you need to hold something in your hand to know that I love you? What, my words and actions aren't enough?" For a while, I tried to deny that my language was Gifts because I wanted a more altruistic one like Acts of Service but I cannot deny it now. I like gifts. I like presents. I like them coming from nowhere. I like them in any way, shape or form. I like the simplest stuff like a flower picked for me, a random rock that someone said reminded them of me, a card etc or at the other end of the spectrum, I like getting diamonds.

What I like best though is giving gifts. If you've ever been the recipient of a gift from me, usually you'd find that I've overexerted myself in some way to get it to you, from travelling an hour and a half on public transport in Sydney back to Bondi to pick up a notebook for a friend only to save it for the next 5 months until his actual birthday, to making my own superhero wrapping paper. I can say what I want to a person but for me- getting them something personal to them shows them that I love them. Maybe it's a thing where tangible proof is needed, where I need them to have proof (maybe it's that I'm not sure that I've gotten through because I like to joke around too much).

The reason I like Gifts so much is that for me, it encompasses all the other languages. You can get the gift of time and the gift of someones presence. You can receive gifts of words of knowledge and prophecy that are precious indeed. You can accept the gift of someone serving you- the effort is what is appreciated and not so much the outcome half the time.

There's the story of the woman and the alabaster jar of perfume- to her, giving the expensive perfume was her way of showing her love to Jesus, despite the disciples rebuking her for the perceived wastage. She knew though, that money was never a problem- not that she was loaded but that to her, it was worth it. In the end though- the language of Gifts is a faint echo of the gift that was given to all of us. Grace and the life of a guy named Jesus.

MAN-Day Mondays: Core

2009-02-16T14:23:00.007+09:00

I am struggling to write today’s Manday post. Not only because I was asked to write this at the eleventh hour, but also because I don’t know how to deal with the issue that I believe God has inspired me to write about. The one word that keeps recurring the more I think about this, from the moment Angel asked me to write today’s post, till before I slept and after I woke up is “core”.

My biggest problem with this is, I loath pretentiousness and I despise hypocrisy. The dilemma is that though I strive to maintain a standard of purity and holiness, the odd ~~few~~ many moral lapses stick out like a Ferrari. The Ferrari doesn’t just stick out in poverty stricken cities, albeit more so, it sticks out even in the most opulent of cosmopolitan cities. And by that, I am constantly wary of balancing that fine line of wearing that mask of false moral superiority and revealing my inner core defiled with sinful desires.

This is why I like alcohol. Your inhibitions are removed because executive higher order thinking and rationalisation becomes more difficult by the ironically inhibited synapses in your brain not making the connections. Thus the plies of pretentiousness are peeled in proportion to how much alcohol has been consumed, and eventually your core is naked and bare before all to see and witness.

This often results in many socially embarrassing situations, or undesired outcomes, also of course mitigated by just simply poor motor coordination and on-the-fly reaction and decision making (I know this because after only one beer, I am instantly a much worse player at Halo 3, oh and I studied psychology in uni). And because alcohol is involved, and at least in the Australian culture, it’s fine. You just blame the alcohol. But the truth of the matter is, it is to my belief that this is who you are. This is your core.

By default, the worse in people are revealed, but sadly it overshadows the beauty of the person’s core void of the whited sepulchre we present to the world normally. An example that comes to mind was during my 18th birthday party. Now I’m not proud of it, or what transgressed that night, and nor am I trying to laud my moral superiority when I say this, but it is to my knowledge that I did not let loose profanities when I was drunk that night. Instead I attempted to preach the gospel, but I was like a broken record repeating the sentence for God so love the world a gazillion times, before I asked myself why my nipples were erect.

And this was not the case at all (the swearing that is, with the odd bit of preaching) for the first few years of university when I did binge drink and get drunk. I believe this was because that swearing was never part of my core, I never allowed it to be, thus no inhibition to swear had to even be set in place when I go about my daily living because there was never any swearing to begin with. But until one point when I decided in myself that I wanted to swear and subsequently defiled my core, did it become a part of me if and when I did engage in binge drinking, profanities came out of my mouth much easier.

Of course, my core is not that pretty as well. I often inhibit myself from making snide, cynical remarks and criticism about people, and unfairly judging people and habits I hate, but know clearly that I possess too. When the alcohol gets to me, I can and will let it rip. Similarly with comments and jokes laced with terrible sexual innuendo, not building anybody up, or “using-the-opportunity-of-the-drunk-excuse” to become more touchy feely with girls and cop a feel. And the vilest part of it all is the desire to drink and get smashed and blame it all on the alcohol that has defiled the core in the first place.

But as Christians, we have something even better than alcohol to reveal to us our core. And not just reveal it to us but to clean it up. We have the Holy Spirit to guide us.

Though I said otherwise a few paragraphs ago, our inner desires doesn’t have to be sinful, it’s only when we let it be that it is so. Upon receiving salvation that was cleared up, we’re forgiven already and operating on the mount of grace and not the law. We don’t need to get hung up on that sin that screwed us over, because we’re already cleanse by the blood shed on the cross.

I myself struggle with this paradox. I think it’s because as human’s we try to simplify processes down to serial operations and causality, when in fact, life is a complex organic multithreaded process that to simplify it does not credit God for fearfully and wonderfully making you.

So I’ve resigned to the fact that trying to conceptualise it complicates the simple truth of life that Jesus stated. That is to love God with your entire being, and to love your neighbour as yourself. The beauty of this is how each is linked to one another. Your entire being encapsulates all your good and all your bad, and when you love God, you are restored and made whole, making it easy then for you to love yourself, who is a work of beauty and propagating that truth to those around you.

With that seed of truth residing in your core, worries of hypocrisy and pretentiousness is unfounded and everything else becomes peripherally unimportant.

Jeremy continues to be a backbone amongst the spineless, a dreadlocked prince among men and a truly amazing man- unafraid to say what he needs to say but with enough grace to not smash you whilst doing so. I can truly say that I've never ever met anyone like him before- his determination to see God in all situations and above all- place trust and faith in Him who gave him grace in the first place is an inspiration. Thanks Jem =)

HOW-TO Fridays: As their work required.

2009-02-13T00:00:00.001+09:00

Numbers 7:

7 He gave two carts and four oxen to the Gershonites, as their work required,

8 and he gave four carts and eight oxen to the Merarites, as their work required. They were all under the direction of Ithamar son of Aaron, the priest.

9 But Moses did not give any to the Kohathites, because they were to carry on their shoulders the holy things, for which they were responsible.

89 When Moses entered the Tent of Meeting to speak with the LORD, he heard the voice speaking to him from between the two cherubim above the atonement cover on the ark of the Testimony. And he spoke with him.

The Levites were God's chosen within the Israelites to serve Him as priests. And He gave them the task of building the Temple of Meeting. And on the contrary to modern day teaching approaches of Independent Learning, Problem-Based Learning, God gave them the knowledge and tools to complete what He wants them to do.

So how do we know what to do when God lands us with a huge mission or vision that totally blows your mind? From Numbers 7, I present you with some ways:

- Know that God doesn't leave you searching for Step 2. He stays with you till the end of the journey, and as He did with Noah, He will tell you the exact measurements, the exact materials required. You will not be leave clueless, if you seek Him for directions.

- Trust Him because He provides. The ox and carts in this passage came from the offerings of tribal leaders.

- Not everyone is called to the same thing. The Levites were separated into clans by the three sons of Levi, totally in 8 different clans. All the clans had different responsibility in building the Tent, and thus needing different things. Do not be discouraged when God gives a gift to someone else - you are meant for something different, and you will get something different. And know that God loves everyone. (:

- When you have done what you were responsible for, you realise that God has achieved something greater than you can imagine. What encouraged me in this passage was at the end when Moses was able to go into the completed Tent of Meeting, and spoke with God. (verse 89) Moses was but one man, but when everyone completed what God has instructed Him to, a dwelling place of God where He can meet with His servant was built.

Sometimes we receive visions, prophecies and dreams that just seem way too out of our league to do. Sometimes we dwell in it, and then we forget. My challenge is to continue seeking God, asking Him for clearer directions and guidance. He will not disappoint, and provide every resource needed for you to complete it.

And at the end of the day, when you have done your part for the kingdom, you will see that your part made up a much bigger glorious plan bigger than yourself. Imagining that impact probably will blow our minds away!

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Violence

2009-02-11T23:05:00.003+09:00

I watched Gran Torino the other night and Clint Eastwood's character was toting guns all round the place, beating people up, swearing, shooting and being racist as anything and yet while I was watching, there's no question that he's the guy you're cheering for. So many filmic heroes that we cheer for are people that use violence-for example killing the person that beats up their wife (Con Air).

Today's question is when is violence acceptable? The Bible tells us to live peaceful lives, to shun violent people and yet it's filled with fighting and battles. How about self-defence? How about coming to the defence of someone else, someone weaker? Culturally, it's acceptable to defend yourself against some idiot that trying to grope you. Sometimes, that's the only way to get their attention. Remember, just S.I.N.G- solar plexus, instep, nose and groin (Miss Congeniality).

One night out in Northbridge is enough to convince me that violence is never an option. Guys come to girls' "aid" all the time and often- it's an overblown excuse to pick a fight using the girl as an excuse to brawl. Yes, I do realise that there are a few generalisations here. I'm going to say that being able to take you away from danger and being able to resolve the issue without coming to blows is a sign of true manliness. Having said that, I can't explain my predilection for slightly biffo (stuff like Star Wars etc where there's no graphic blood etc, just awful dialogue) to highly stylised violent films like 300, Gladiator, Tarantino's entire filmography and Starship Troopers. Perhaps it's a cathartic thing where I'd never lift a finger but would happily watch someone else chop off a head (LotR) and feel better afterward. That's little better though.

Are human being inherently violent beings? Most probably. Do we have loads of better stuff to do, greater things to aim for and higher places to be? Yup. Thank God for grace- that a people such as us, brazen, uncouth, violent and raw can come into the presence of God through something called grace.

So what do you think? Is violence ever justified?