The two sides to a Modern Woman

Is the Modern Woman too greedy? That'll be my question over the next two posts as Ange knuckles down on assignments.

I'm getting to to that age where all of my friends seem to be settling down and settling in (and dying slowly- no wait, I'm kidding). I'm of two frames of mind- one is I want that and the other one is hell no, I don't want that. It's not the relationship that I want but it's the two paths that lie in front of me with a very big fork in the road. One is to pursue happiness in the relationship and couple-y future part of things and the other is to pursue happiness in my career and fulfilling future part of things. I know that a lot of women manage to do both at the same time (yay for multi-tasking) but right now, I don't have the resources, energy or know-how to handle both at the same time.

Are we asking for too much? To have equal pay, to raise good families, to have a good man, to keep him, to have respect if we choose not to wear stilettos, to have respect if we choose to wear stilettos, to have the ability to walk in stilettos in the first place, to know how to sew and cook, to handle households, to submit, to be able to command an office/workfloor/workshop/home/playschool/taxi/governmental department? I'm actually being serious, are we asking too much as a sex of ourselves? Can one person have everything without some sort of compromise? I know of too many career women who have sacrificed the beauty of love, marriage, family life and the successes and satisfactions associated with it. I've also known girls who married way too young or got into all-encompassing relationships, losing themselves along the way and are now stuck in a mediocre suburban rut, celebrating like crazy when they get a day to themselves. However, if you do go for both, you have to compromise- you'll never get 100% happy in both arenas surely.

It gets confusing being a woman sometimes. I catch myself thinking that I don't need to concentrate on a fully independent future because one day I'll have a husband to help me out. How twisted is that?! I'll then shake myself, go "What on earth were you just thinking!?" and continue on. The old adage that "The grass is greener on the other side" rings so very true here, now that I'm on the brink of deciding my future career-wise, my wants and desires for the other side surface.

How many good men have I let get away?
Will I get another chance?
How will I know?
When?

1 Qn, 2 Ans: Comfort Object

Believe it or not, right now, my comfort object is my Facebook account. It sounds a bit asinine and a bit trivial but as I come to the close of my years at WAAPA (and Facebook sprouted like weeds while I was at WAAPA), I find that this will, in most cases, be my one form of communication with fellow WAAPA friends that I've worked and formed a rapport with. People from other departments that weren't Design, random friends made along the way with incredibly bright futures that I'll enjoy following and future productions at WAAPA. People tend to scatter to the four corners of the earth after their WAAPA days but Facebook is worldwide. If a friend makes it big on the stages of West End or Broadway, I'll be able to congratulate them instead of having to hear about it on the news. Friend is a very loose term these days (a downside to Facebook obviously) but WAAPA is odd in that it binds people together in a way that no other institution does. Facebook will be a tool that I'll use but not be ruled by (I have no misconceptions that being a Facebook friend will entitle me to wedding invites, parties, beer weekends or other such outings). Isn't the age of technology grand though.

My other comfort object that is going to end very soon will be PARADE, my major musical for the year. Closing Night is on Saturday and I only wish it could go on for longer. I've snuck in to see it every night and it still continues to amaze, enthrall and totally inhabit me each night. I'm not ready to let go yet!! Thank you to everyone of my friends and family that have seen it, I was so incredibly nervous on that Tuesday night, it felt even worse than Opening Night because this was my one chance to really show what I do at WAAPA, why I didn't become an architect, why I spend all of my energy and passions on a single project, why I all but disappeared for a month into this musical. I can only hope that I keep on receiving more projects that will consume me like this one.

1 Qn, 2 Ans: Comfort Object

I’m waiting for Jess to come around after Parade (and congratulations to a good opening!) so here’s another post from meeeeeeeee. Basically this topic is simple – one question, and two of us give our answers (and I do think that it will be rather different). And of course, YOU can answer it as well in the comment section after this post. :D

 

(Question from http://featuredquestions.xanga.com/)

 

Many children had a blanket or a toy - do you have a comfort object as an adult?

 

I think it’s the presence of the bolster on my bed that helps me to sleep at night. I don’t wrap myself around it.. it’s too difficult to sleep like that, but I realised I just need it in front of me as I sleep. However, I couldn’t bring my bolster to Perth because mum thinks that it’s ridiculous. Also, bolsters are not common in Australia. So then, I resorted to sleeping with my hand touching my face, which results in dreaming, apparently.

 

I suppose other comfort objects for me are nostalgic stuff like my dad’s old shirt I brought over as PJs, the nice soft throw he gave me to keep warm, home-cooked Asian food, and scents of people I miss or am comfortable with. (Nearly everyone smell different okay.) (And I love my dad.)

 

Do you have a comfort object?

Favourites of the moment: From the idiot box and beyond

Jess is buried under a stack of paint cans and a giant Styrofoam tree at the moment, so you’ve got me for both posts this week. And I’m typing this offline because my internet is not on – maybe it’s the weather, I don’t know. But here you go – more favourites of the moment from yours truly.

 

Favourite TV show of the moment

World’s Strictest Parents on Channel 7

 

This is a tough decision because my TV watching quota increased by like 500% since moving here, very possibly due to the very easy access of the TV and the fact that I can watch TV from the kitchen. But yeah my choice tonight is World’s Strictest Parents, which is a show where they send problem kids from Australia to other countries with very different (read strict) families. And tonight, they sent the Aussie kids to Singapore!

 

I like the concept of the show, for the fact that they show those kids that there are just so much out beyond their world, and well, they are raised in a much more privileged country than many others – in terms of freedom really. Tonight’s was particularly engaging for they sent the kids to my home country and it was very interesting seeing them schooling in Singapore (and only surviving half a day in RIJC), as well as just seeing the familiar sights and sounds (and accent) of the country.

 

Although I’m very much cynical about how much change they can make with just one week in another country, but I suppose the point of helping them to see that there is a world out there beyond the underaged clubbing and drinking and piercings.. yeah.

 

Favourite activity to do at this moment

Sleeping

 

It feels like I’ve not had a good sleep for sooo long. And after clocking more than 24 hours in 2 days, I can definitely feel the difference from before. I felt generally fine before the sleep marathon, but after that, I felt sooo awake. I think it’s to do with getting used to being tired, and thinking that yeahh, that’s how it is supposed to be like. But once you get that rest, you feel that difference, and you know how that makes so much difference..

 

I suppose it’s the same with resting in God. It feels so good, but when we start getting busy with life, and forgetting how awesome it is to rest in His presence, we accept the fact that being tired and busy is part of life. I suppose then, the need of constant reminders, or the cultivation of resting in God as a habit – because you know, the marathon of this life needs more energy than what we can provide on our own.

Favourites of the moment: Good things

I miss Monday merriments. I rather liked being thankful and reflecting on the weekend, then writing about it and inspiring what’s to come for the week. Anyhow, favourites of the moment is a new category, which came around during our version2.0 brainstorming session. It was a concept that was meant to get onto our sidebars, making it mini-posts, or things that reflect us – two very different persons. Nonetheless, here it is for you.

 

Favourite line of the moment

“All I have for you is good things.” – God.

 

And it is so true. It’s as if God is persuading or even pursuing me to get into His presence – to get in there with Him for the ride of my life. I would be there, before a seminar or during a church service, figuring that, maybe God is prompting me to go up. I get scared, freaked out, or just turn Him down. But Him, being the gracious one, reminds me time and time again, that all He has for me is good things. (And can be backed by tons of verses in the bible, of which I can’t recall right now.. it’s 3.14am)

 

And it has been definitely all good things. A few good cries, several good hugs, a good shift of perspective, the realisation of awesome good friends amongst all things, and of course the revelation of a very good God.

 

Favourite picture(s) of the moment

Both by Jeremy, the day I moved into my new place.

 

I suppose it’s the juxtaposition of the pictures, or the unexpected wall-art, or just the very nice shade of red. As Jeremy put on the caption of the photos, these are really sweet photos. (: And it is a sweet life in this apartment so far, and will be for quite a while.

 

 

For some readers’ participation, if you like, share with us your favourites of the moment following each post – say for this post, tell us what your favourite line, or your favourite picture(s) is. That’ll be sweet. (:

 

Cheers, have a good week ahead.

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my Potential Husband: LEADERSHIP

If I was to look at myself objectively, I'd probably find that I'm a pretty capable, strong(ish) woman. A modern woman if you will. I'm career-focused, I don't depend on a man to get what I want or need and I'd rather drink beer than coffee most days. Ok, that last one doesn't mean anything significant, it just means that I'm well on my way to alcoholism.

I need a guy to have leadership above all. I need someone who is stronger than me because like Angel, I do need that security in my life. Seeing how adverse I am to most things "relationship", it had better be one strong guy who can nail me down and make me less commitment-phobic. I need someone who has control over his life (or is at least on his way), both spiritual, physical and mental. After all, who am I going to follow if not a guy who at least knows where he's going? Keep in mind that there's a difference between being IN leadership and HAVING leadership. I hate references to the Proverbs 31 woman (because I have a long way to go and she seems oh-so-very far away above me) but if I'm going to submit to a man's authority, he'd better well damn be a good man that I respect fully, admire and want to follow.

If I can beat up my husband, verbally, mentally or physically, there's a problem. I don't want a hen-pecked dude who rolls over, I want someone to bounce off, someone to inspire me, someone who I can look at and go, "Yeah, I love him, I'm so proud of him, he's going to be a good father and head of the house and he's MINE." I will happily support and follow after a man who has his goals and looks ever-forward and ever to God who is and will always have the most leadership in my own life. Most importantly, if and when I do stray from that narrow path, my husband will smack me on the head (not literally because Australia says NO) and show me the error of my ways. And I will listen.

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my potential husband: Security

I was talking to a friend online just now, and he asked me what do girls look for in a guy. Security was what popped out straight away. It sounds cliche, but yeahh, that warrants security as my last of the top 3 attributes I look for in my potential husband.

 

There is something very very attractive about a secure man. Financial security is definitely a bonus (I am practical okay), but I think security on both parties eliminates a lot of.. issues in the relationship - issues such as jealousy and possessiveness, and the need for approval, the need to perform or appear to be better than you really are. When you are secure, you are comfortable with what others think of you, and thus you are truly portray who you are, and let others fall in love with the real you.

 

Ultimately, the security is found in God, because only His opinion of you is what really matters. And if a man that reflects that security finds the need to improve in his life, it is only because he chose to stick with what God wants him to turn out, and not what the society portrays as cool or attractive. Then, even if he wants to do bodybuilding and/or be a total geek, it would not be because the society says that is cool (and yes geek is cool these days) but because the main motive behind doing anything will not be to fit in or to be approved of. The main motive of his every doing is to bring glory to God, and when that happens, who can argue that?

 

Confession: I was going to write about the security the potential husband can give me, but yes. Other than the physical security (like protect me when there is danger), emotional security needs to be found in God first before man. It doesn’t mean that he can’t be nice and romantic, or tell me that he loves me. So long the foundation is right, whatever follows – the romantic gestures, the ‘I love you’s – yeah bring it on.

 

And that is why I know very well that I’m not ready for anything more, I myself need to be firmly secured in the right source.

 

But still, he needs to smell good. That’s pretty much non-negotiable.

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my Potential Husband: Creativity

This is a fairly personal thing for me but I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who wasn't creative in some way. Creativity is such a subjective term, there are many levels of creative and really, who knows that creative really is?

Dictionary.com defines it as: "resulting from originality of thought, expression, imaginative". This could encompass anything, from music to design to visual imagery to creation and extends straight on through to passion. For me, creativity and passion are almost the same thing. I associate one with the other because in my own life, one cannot exist without the other. I know everyone expresses themselves in some way, I mean, it has to come out of you right? What use is creativity and passion if it doesn't come out of you somehow?

I'm not saying that people like accountants or doctors aren't creative. I happen to know a scientist who is very creative. I've also seen people in the creative arts who just follow their training and don't put their heart into the things that they create. Skill is very different from talent. Skill involves training, heck, give me a scalpel and 6 years of training and I'll be able to cut you open and take out....something and then sew you back up. If I don't put my heart into something, aren't I just going through the motions? Talent and passion equals a level of creativity that I search for, both in a partner and in myself.

I'm still searching for that elusive spark in someone that resounds within me, where my creative side finds its kindred spirit. I want to find an original, not a photocopy, someone to open my eyes to a different facet of an everyday thing and get me to appreciate it anew. One of my very favourite blog posts ever from Stuff Christians Like is the one where Acuff mentions that right after God ordains the priests of Israel in Exodus 31, He anoints the artists. Yay for creatives!!

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my potential husband: Brains over muscles

I would rather say substance over muscles, but you know how muscles are still substance.. Brains is not a very good word to use really, although I do prefer my guy a little bit geeky. And here’s why you should date a geek.

 

I suppose I like a guy who can bring good conversation to the table, be it thoughts-stimulating or challenging perceptions. Someone who is well-read, and conscious of his surroundings and what’s happening in the world, instead of someone who harps on about how his bodybuilding regime is going, and how his deltoid is developing very nice.

 

There’s a chinese saying - 四肢发达，头脑简单 (Developed limbs, simple brain) Here’s your classic himbo, that is, the male bimbo.

 

So my point is, I’m not looking for someone who spends 2 hours everyday in the gym building muscles. I understand that it shows tremendous discipline, and it is extremely attractive (and useful) for a guy to be able to carry heavy stuffs for you. (No, the handbag not included.) But if you are spending all these time building your body up, what are you not spending your time on? Sure, exercise to keep fit, bulk up if you’re skinny, but please don’t have your life revolve around building up your body and neglecting your intellect, your ‘emotional education’, your studies, and most importantly your spiritual body.

 

I suppose it’s still about balance, and of course, above all, God-centred. After all, if you decide to start drinking massive amounts of protein shakes to build muscles, I heard that your crap really really really stinks after that. Then you’ll smell bad.