Top 3 Attributes I look for in my Potential Husband: speling gramer and punktuashun

I will not date anyone who does not have at least 85% accurate spelling and grammar. Once a guy asked me out online. -50 points for it being online, another -50 for it being on Facebook. The thing that was the final nail in the coffin was the amount of spelling mistakes in a simple <100 word sentence. For a man who was over the age of 25, to have spelt that many incorrect words with zero punctuation- massive no. Nice guy but NO.

I'm not perfect myself for sure. I misspell things all the time, especially online where perhaps, the laws of spelling and grammar are a bit relaxed due to the colloquialisms and idiosyncrasies of this virtual age. In professional documents or professional web pages though, such things are instantly an alarm bell that perhaps they aren't as pro as you would think them to be. Such is my level of nitpicking or anal retentiveness about this, that I won't even bother looking at blogs that spell things wrong.

There's just something about presenting yourself well, if not eloquently, then at least correctly. My grammar is probably incorrect at times, in terms of pronouns or possessive adjectives or positional whatever but at least it's spelt right. It's called a spell check folks!! If I send something out, I proofread like a Nazi, searching for anything that could show me as anything but the highest level of alert and attentive. Whether it's a resume or an email to a director, for me, it has to be note-perfect. I have high standards of myself in terms of this particular aspect and I expect the same in any future partner.

For me, it comes from being a massive bookworm in my youth. I still love to read and can devour books like a Cookie Monster with a "B" but my time is limited these days. It trained me in the Queen's English though, reading all these classics and though my syntax has perhaps suffered due to the rise of MSN chat etc, back then, I used to be referred to as the walking dictionary. I could spell hundreds of words correctly and bemoaned the fact that our school didn't have spelling bees because I knew that I'd blitz the field.

I don't like too many big words. I prefer eloquence but not at the expense of your clarity. I hate cheese but I love articulate prose. Having someone who can speak, write and read to my level isn't really something I actively look for but it's something that I won't enter a relationship without.

Yes, I did spellcheck this.

Top 3 Attributes I look for in my potential husband: Smelling good

This is making me sound very very superficial. I know, it’s on the outside of a person.. kinda, but it exudes from within(literally). I admit I am rather picky on this, but I’m rather sensitive to smell there you go.

 

Smelling good does not mean to smell naturally nice, but I think it tells of the following:

 

1. Hygiene practices

Yeah, there are bad body odours (B.O.) due to not showering and all that (although in some cases it might be something genetic.. or something), but if not, a guy should smell.. at least he shouldn’t smell bad. Or smell like the culmination of not showering for a week.

 

It has come to my attention that it might very well be a case of smelling a guy’s ‘natural’ smell – they call it pheromones. I’m not sure if that is that, but it is a diluted version of the smell of the person’s room, especially if it has not been cleaned up or aired. And if you are attracted to the guy, you might like his smell better. (Or is it the other way around – like attracted to the smell and thus liking the person. Geez it sounds so primate.)

 

Either way, regardless of the natural smell, a guy has a choice of smelling good.. which leads me to the next point.

 

2. Cologne

I realised I’m not against the use of deodorant sprays after sports or something, but it’s knowing what to use and when. It tells of your taste. Use age-appropriate scents - don’t use scents that make you smell 20 years older. Scents are complex, and it can tell, to a certain extent, your character, or at least your taste. Find something unique, something you like, and if you like, stick to a few and make them your signature scents.

 

BTW, don’t soak yourself in your cologne. Too much cologne is just as repulsive. I’ve read an article saying that an appropriate dosage will be if someone else can smell it only within 1m radius from you. Also, dear brothers, if you can help it, don’t use CK One or CK Be. They are extremely overrated. And my dad uses it.

 

3. Diet practices

If you eat more meat, your B.O. (if you have one) becomes more intense. (insert citation) And coffee breath, garlic breath and onion breath aren’t very appealing too. Also, if your foods are heavily spiced, the polyphenolic compounds (I can imagine) could escape through your skin – thus some races smelling distinctly different. Although I’ve heard that it is likewise for every other race. Other races just smells.. different.

 

And my point? Watch what you eat, it affects how you smell like.

 

 

And so, my potential husband, hopefully, very very hopefully, will encompass good hygiene habits, has impeccable taste in colognes and doesn’t exhibit carnivorous behavior everyday, and just smells awesome to me. And to the general public as well.

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Bravery

I am,s such a chickjern/. Sorry, taking off my gloves to write properly now.

I am such a chicken.

If you've ever had the misfortune to have an emotional conversation with me, you'll find that I squirm more than a worm on a hook. I hate confrontational issues and will find almost any excuse to get out of them. I normally see myself as quite alright in terms of bravery, I mean, I don't have some demented hero complex but neither am I a wallflower. When it comes to matters of the heart though, all my vaunted "bravery" goes jumping out the nearest window and boards a one-way flight to Iceland.

I wish I wasn't like this though- despite all appearances, I know that it's not healthy to be so emotionally stunted. I want to be brave in the matters of the heart where it counts. I want to develop that attribute of bravery to be able to leap and not look back, to not think things through too much and get frightened off and/or chicken out.

Too many times, I've been rejected/rejected and let it affect me more than it should have- all because of fear, fear of what will happen next, fear of what others will think of me, fear of the unknown and the untried. Heck, I've been afraid of the things that will never be because I didn't try. It's silly and it's honest and for some reason, I'm the only one with this odd mutation that I can see.

I think that there's a certain bravery when you step into the unknown by placing your fears in the hands of God. Fear is such a singular thing- different from worry or anxiety. Fear is a lot harder to let go of a lot of the time and that's because it's the other way around- fear doesn't let go of you. That's why it's a weapon of choice for spiritual attacks. I know I still have a long way to grow and to go in terms of building a relationship -both with God and that eventual someone. The attribute I want to develop the most is bravery to place my fear in the hands of the One who will guide, teach and love me despite everything.

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Stewardship

I would have said money management, but I suppose there is so much more than that that ‘stewardship’ entails. Being the unofficial No.1 attribute I want to nurture in myself, I find myself (and I should think that closer friends find that too) lacking the most in this area.

 

So here goes:

 

Money/finances – my track record isn’t pretty, and sad to admit I am the kind of person who drains her spending account to single digit amounts before getting the next month’s allowance. So imagine being entrusted with the rest of the expenses for the rest of my studies here in Perth – it’s not a pretty picture at this point in time. With rent being a constant burden, there is a very urgent need to manage my money much more than what I am doing at this point in time.

 

Time – I suppose spending weeks rotting at home isn’t a good way of spending time, or even just to watch TV from the moment I am awake till bedtime. I’ve improved in this matter, but definitely, time could be put to better use than playing Insaniquarium on the computer.

 

Health – I know and I know and I know. Exercise and healthy eating. Both needed to keep yourself healthy and all. And of which I might be fairing satisfactorily in the healthy eating part (given no fried chicken cravings and Oreos snacking) but I’m failing in the exercise part. Again.

 

 

It’s not that stewardship is a model answer. It is because these are things that are entrusted to me, from God and in the case of finances, parents, and kind people who gave me study loans, and deserves better stewardship than what it’s getting now. That’s what I need to work on – being faithful with what I have, and not taking for granted the things that seem to come free (good health and 24 hours a day).

 

I will be working on it as a long-term project though, given procrastination (oops) and just the magnitude of it. But please be patient with me, God is not done with me yet.

 

 

Yes, I am very clearly not ready for marriage. Lol. But I am rather excited to writing about the Top 3 attributes I’m looking for in a guy next week. :D

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Patience

I desperately need to cultivate this in myself. I'm impatient in a lot of ways and relationships, whether with a guy or with girlfriends are no different.

I'm a bit of a control freak. I drive everywhere because I hate relying on other people to be ready to leave at a moment's notice if I want to scoot off. I'll drive somewhere if I know I want to control when I leave rather than have people over and have to wait for them to leave. I know, I am horrible. Next time I'm over someones house, I just know that they'll be waiting for me to leave. I'm impatient waiting for people and situations.

There is a need for patience though. To have the patience to get to know someone gradually and not to assume things about them. A need for patience when a situation requires thought and thoroughness rather than gut instinct and slapdash quality. I need patience to give people second, third, ninth, thousandth chances. I need patience to invest into relationships so that when things don't go right, I'm focusing on why they're not going right instead of not going to plan because how can you "plan" a relationship? These things don't happen on a schedule. After 2.6 years, you are not supposed to be expecting a ring on that exact date. You should be questioning something however if you've hit the 5-7 year date and no wedding bells (provided you've both agreed to head in that general direction). Sorry, I digress.

I need to learn patience because how is someone supposed to deal with me and my impatient ways if they themselves are not patient? You reap what you sow for sure. How many times must God sit there (surrounded by clouds, peering down at us whilst angels warble happily beside him- cos that's obviously what God is like.....) wondering what on Earth (and Heaven) He's going to do with me when I wander off, determined to forge my own path? He still has the patience to answer my prayers, give me second chances to the nth degree and come to me when I call. How much more so should I be be wanting this particular quality for myself then?

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Humility

I know that humility is one of those attributes everyone wants to nurture because it is good. For me, I struggle between finding an ‘apparent’ balance between pride and humility. Well, I thought that the opposite of humility is pride.

 

Coming to realise otherwise was rather ground-shaking. Humility comes as a sober judgment of myself, as what Romans 12:3 says. Also, I realised that humility stems a lot from how secure we are. Outward expressions of insecurity often manifest as a facade of pride, self-righteousness, or self-pity.

 

I was insecure (and still am sometimes) about what others thought of me. And truth is, I am terrified that people would think that I am proud or arrogant. I’d rather put myself down than to claim whatever honour or compliments that are given graciously to me, for fear of being thought as ‘full of myself’.

 

Being secure about who I am, especially in God, helps me to see that it is not the people’s opinions that say who I am. It’s His opinion, and I know full well that I am the apple of His eye. With that in mind, sober judgment of myself is possible in the security that whoever I am now is already accepted by Him, and that I am still loved by God. And I am still in the process of becoming that final product He designed me for. Because of that security in Him, I dare to see what I have been able to achieve by His grace, I dare to see how imperfect I am now, I dare to see where I can improve on myself.

 

I want to nurture that humility that comes from gentle strength and security in God.

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Tenderness

I want to get the most difficult one out of the way first.

When Ange and I were talking about revamping the site and discussing new posts etc, one on our list was "Top 3 Attributes To Look For In A Guy". That's going to be a very interesting and fun lot of posts to write but what we figured out is that we can't write about those things before we figure out what we have to alter and change in ourselves first. It's like something I heard about once- where instead of asking God to change someone to fit you, you ask God to help get yourself ready and change the things about yourself that need changing first, before you ask God to help you with the other person. Log in your own eye and all that.

I want to cultivate tenderness in me. I recognise that it's something I need to change or at least start to change before I can even think of getting into a relationship because as much as I'd like to think men are made from iron and steel, they're flesh and blood, just like me and they can be hurt by my actions. Coming from a family of three girls, you'd think that I shouldn't have a problem with this but I do. I guess not having any boys in the family, someone had to be the tough as nails one.

As I get older though, the more I see the need, a real need for me to soften up. Not from some misplaced idea that I need to go all girly and gushy to score a guy, but from the realisation that if I want to respect people (guy and girl), if I want to grow as a person and if I'm to let anyone get close to me, I have to nurture tenderness in me. The kind of tenderness that knows what to say to someone who's crying. The kind of tenderness that instinctively heads for the person who's feeling down in a crowded room. The kind of tender strength that someone needs when they're tired of being the strong one all the time. The tenderness that develops from taking the gentle route instead of the harsh one and from listening rather than talking. I don't have it yet. But I want to have it.

Top 3 Attributes I want to nurture in myself: Charisma

Charisma - A good sense of humour. And consequently better storytelling skills.

It’s not that I don’t have a sense of humour.. It’s just that a sense of humour which is funny enough, understandable to most people, and wholesome, is something to desire.

 

You know how the sad pattern is that the funnier jokes are usually demeaning to some stereotypical groups of people, be it race, hair colour, gender, and very often to do with sex or sexual components. I’d like to think that you can still be funny even without all that – God does have a sense of humour as well, and I will very much like to believe that His brand of humour isn’t demeaning to anyone at all. :D

 

I seem to excel rather badly in storytelling though, I usually burst out laughing even before the punch line, or perhaps forget the punch line. You know how some people just have that natural talent for storytelling and people just listen to them? (Thinking about it, I think it’s called charisma.)

 

Yeah, the 3rd of my 3 attributes I want to nurture in myself is charisma. Not that I don’t have it at all, but I want to develop it more. Not that I am socially inept either, it is just something that I see as valuable in life, especially in my future career, and just hoping to be a well-liked person in general.

 

Using very church-y terms, to be able to widen our sphere of kingdom influence, I suppose, requires some amount of attractiveness – especially in character. And charisma is one of those qualities that can really draw people to you. Sure people have used it for evil (read: Hitler and most evil leaders really), but imagine that charisma used for good, and for His purpose.

 

Mmmmm. It’ll be awesome.