MAN-Day Mondays: The Obscene Truth

Thad writes this week's post and in my opinion, it's frank, honest and completely from the heart. Kudos for writing what a lot of men are thinking (as if I have any basis to say that but oh well).



A few obscene and somewhat scathing opinions I have about men, women and relationships. Read at your own peril.

Sometimes men just don't want to talk. And there's nothing you can do to force them to want to talk. Especially if they have had a particularly tiring/stressful/intense week. We don't have the same process as girls. Talking about issues tends not to help us process. Common processes of guys are: playing sports, playing games, drinking beer, eating meat and watching TV. All you can do is leave them be and let them go through their normal process and they will be fine. Somehow doing these seemingly meaningless things helps us to recharge our batteries and gives us the strength to carry on. It's OK if you don't get it. You don't have to. We don't get why you can spend hours shopping, or in the shower, or... want the toilet seat up down or sideways. Some uninitiated young bucks may make some sort of attempt at getting it. That's OK. We've all been there before. Most of us have come to realise that there are some things that you need to do to make life more bearable and so we accept it.

Some guys are weak. They don't know what they want and they are insecure. So they pander to what girls want. Girls commonly misinterpret this as a high level of love and care. They enjoy this for a while. Some for longer. Depends how into themselves they are. They're soo sweet, they're soo understanding. It gets really boring when you finally realise that he doesn't want everything that you want and love everything that you love because he does, but because he doesn't have a spine. It is at that time also that you realise that you're the one driving and making everything in the relationship work - if you were silly enough to initiate one with him (because he would never be the one who initiates it with you. Sure he might have been the one who told you that he likes you first. But then after that did he do anything about it? No.). Do him a favour and dump him. Immediately. Until he grows some round things downstairs.

Men don't change. At least not in the long term. Sure, he will be on his best behaviour when he's after you. That's not deceptive. That is part of the game. Know that how he is when he's after you is the best that he can ever be and you will never be disappointed. Following from this point, know then that there is absolutely no chance at all that he has the potential to become a someone that you want him to be if he isn't that someone already. If you want to get together with him, then get together with him with your eyes wide open. He. Will. Not. Change. AND. He. Is. Not. Exactly. Who. You. Think. He. Is. If you've got high standards, good. Keep those standards. But ask yourself if you are of a similar sort of standard as to attract someone of that caliber as well. If you're not then you've got work to do on yourself. If you don't want to then you can keep dreaming or you can relax your standards. It's your choice. But don't ever get together with a guy and then try to make him change. Of course if he picks his nose in public or wears t-shirts to weddings that you can enlighten him as to the proper way to conduct himself in public. But if there is something about him that is part of who he is - like if he likes to speak his mind freely or if he values money more than relationships - that's just him. That's part of the package. If you don't like it then break it off. It's unfair to hold on to him and yet not want him for him.

Somehow in modern society there is this notion floating around that men are inadequate and men don't live up to what men should really be, their ordained roles etc. It's true that some men don't. But it's not true in the general sense. Sure, we make mistakes. Who doesn't? The more we live under this belief that men are somehow fundamentally flawed the more we live out this belief and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. So let's not be apologetic about it. The fact is - people are fundamentally flawed. Men and women. If a man wants to be a better man he should ask a better man. Believe it or not, a man does not exist to make a woman happy. And a woman doesn't exist to make a man happy either. We are responsible for our own happiness. It irks me when a girl laments the lack of good men out there, as if you would need a man to complete you somehow. You don't. Sure it's enjoyable to have someone in your life and to share in the various experiences of it. But I believe you can be perfectly happy and fulfilled with or without a man. Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone just for the sake of being with someone i.e. settling for someone. You're shortchanging yourself and worse still you're shortchanging the other person. He/she deserves to be with someone who thinks that they're the best damned person that you could ever be with.