I <3 Wednesdays: Singleness

I really hate being single in a church. Honest week? OK. Here we go.

It's not that I hate being single- there are plenty of good things about being single that I adore. It's just that being single within a church environment means that whatever social stigma singledom endures, it feels double-fold within a church. Perhaps more so for a single girl. I have no idea about the statistics but why does it always feel like there's more desperate girls church-hopping in order to nail down a "successful, Christian man"? I swear, it's only a few shameless females doing it- they're just giving the rest of us a bad name. It makes me think that couples have it so much easier in a church- that churches are massive family and couple gardens. They pop out of the ground and people go "awww" and applaud. There's such a celebration of coupledom and families and babies and don't get me wrong- we need those things in order to grow. But why is there not a celebration of singleness?

Ooooh, have I hit a tender topic? Come on- how many times have you felt "the lean" on you? I'm talking about that niggling sense of "I'm being set-up!" that occurs every time you arrive at a table to find- oh surprise! that single guy from ____'s cell sitting there, looking as uncomfortable as you feel and those in the know grinning smugly all around? I've seen it in action and I've felt it myself and frankly- if I needed the help (and of course, I don't =P 'SIF I NEED HELP), I'd hope that I'd be good enough friends to ask my friends outrightly. I wouldn't ask anyone else and no-one else would have that right to influence my life like that unless I was close enough to ask you in the first place. Sorry, I'll end rant here.

It's not that I cling to singleness. Goodness me, heck no. I do want to eventually find someone, make a life with them etc- I just hate being hurried. I'm not blaming the church, my church or any church for the culture that has grown around the issue of being single. It's almost taboo to be single in a church these days- like being in a relationship is grounding for spiritual maturity. I disagree with the assumption that I'm somehow less for being single and it's someones or somethings duty/obligation to chivvy me along like I'm a sad, loner duck. Timing for everyone.

It's perfectly fine to be single in a church. I'm going to quote a book I've been reading here. "So why does the church persist in speaking as though marriage is the norm for everyone? People need help leading Godly single lives, and instead the church for the most part continues to act as though everyone is married or soon will be, thereby guaranteeing that most never-married people will never darken the door of a church." - "Loves Me, Loves Me not: The Ethics of Unrequited Love" by Laura A. Smit.

We see the proliferation of the idea that "One can either be single or one can be an adult". Say we have two people- both 35 for example, both female. One is married/with a family and the other is single. People call the married lady "Aunty" as a sign of respect. However, they call the single lady "Aunty" to (non-maliciously) tease her about her age. Now- what's fair about that? There's a gentle teasing or ribbing of those single people if they go out for drinks or dinner with another single person (oh! the scandal!) when it's perfectly platonic. I guess it is difficult to distinguish between platonic intentions and barely disguised nervousness though. It's why we should all lay cards on the table from the outset =P. Not just for your own peace of mind but to quell rumours and gossip from well-meaning people (read: those couples that just want everyone else to experience their own blissfully, happy coupledom as well).

If I do sound opinionated- I am. I'm sick to death of being single but I'm really not keen to be in a relationship (at this point in time anyway) as well. What to do?