MAN-Day Mondays: Of Monsters & Men

"What makes a man, is it the woman in his arms?
Just 'cos she has big titties
Or is it the way, he fights everyday?
No it's probably the titties.."
- Now You're a Man by DVDA

I'm semi-apologetic for the use of the taboo word "titties", but not so much as I think as Christians we can be a little bit too uptight at times. Having said that, I know and recognise how it can be a demeaning word to my sisters.

But it did get your attention (I'm hoping)

You see, I don't think men were meant to be boring, much less Christian men.

So with respect to this, I will be borrowing some videos from the very wonderful as cities burn, to prove a point, and perhaps to share some of the manliest lyrics I've come across. Lyrics that portray a vulnerability, sensitivity and all round chest-beating roar of intensity of this clear call to be the very best of "man" that we can be. (caution: if your idea of Christian music is limited to the tried-and-tested "worship" formula, give the videos a miss.. but if you have a sense of adventure.. take a walk on the wild side with how some musicians share their faith.)

I'm writing today's post to attempt to offer some insights and guidelines, of what it means to find your masculine identity in God, personal reflection and some counter-culture (because mainstream culture is ultimately what emasculates us blokes).

the woman you love


So many times, we've bought into this whole Hollywood fairy tale of what it means to be a man. Look at any leading male.. he saves the day and gets the girl. Look at MTV, if you're a hot rockstar or hip-hop artiste, you're surrounded by a bevy of girls. In fact, one might equate your success to the number of women (or the hotness of the leading lady) to your success. Don't deny it, you know what I'm talking about. We've all liked the hottest girl in school once in our lives.. we might be thinking: "Hey.. if she goes out with me, I can't be so bad.. or hell..I might even be hot property!"

It may not be so obvious on the first veneer of our carefully constructed identities. But if that's what you believe, or have believed makes you who you are.. it is a house of cards.

Physical beauty fades, we say "I love you" when we don't know what it means.. using it more for our own selfish identity than being sacrificial, and especially when we live our lives vicariously through the woman who pours her love out to us.

cue first video:


"am i a monster?
when i sink my teeth into her?
when i don't love her?
when i don't love you forgive me darling..
but love has nothing to do with this
it has nothing to do with how i can't stop
till i get what i want from you
- terrible! how terrible for the great city! by As Cities Burn

As men, we aren't made whole by the female company we keep, or at least the relationships we seem to rush head-first into. Remember, Eve was borne from Adam's rib. We sacrifice for that helper and companion.. You can't say you've loved till you've sacrificed, not gotten anything back in return, and still.. you love in the capacity that doesn't always end in that fairytale ending. Forgive me for being bleak.. but the majority of the emotions I face as a man, seem to be embodied in the above lyrics.. "till i get what i want from you"

impossibly broken
In places that not even we know. Hurts that we've covered up, brushed aside, anything to help us fit into the archetypal male. And no.. I'm not just talking about strong silent types.. I'm also talking about the jokers, the smilers, the ragers, the quiet.. anything that we as men lapse into a comfort zone to not need to deal with.

The next line of "terrible! how terrible for the great city!" goes something like this (it's the part that's being screamed over.)

"this is what real men keep quiet
it doesn't exist if you can hide it
behind your teeth and sleep
next to your wife
whom you love too much to tell her
that you don't love her at all..."

The one thing I love about this song, is that it doesn't hide anything. There are no cryptic, poetic metaphors to infer meaning. No, this is an almost unbridled cry of desperation, of something all men face on some level.

mistakes.
the romance dying out.
the carnal flesh.
denial.
being more than we are.
living by a standard set by surrounding forces.

But somehow, I don't think that's all there is to it. Especially as Christians, we're so good at just being good. But what about our struggles? What about the times we've fallen, lusted after the flesh, money, power, acceptance, approval, compromised.. the list is endless.. I'm not saying we should celebrate these things, but imagine if we couldn't lie, or we all had our Jonathans (a reference to one of King David's closest friends and confidants.)

putting it all back together
We should be real people, with real problems, real sins, real obstacles, real "there's no way i'm going to heaven moments after I've done this." moments. And trust me.. I'm not talking about murder or the consumption of banned chemical substances.. simple things like lying to your friend to not hurt their feelings. It's a tall order.

My point is this: our identity as Christians isn't about being good, it's about being saved.

Romans 5:8
And Christ demonstrates his love for us in this, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

We don't make ourselves Christians. We surrender ourselves in reckless abandon to the one saving hope of a second chance, begging for mercy at the feet of He that sits upon the throne, that we not be judged, or cast away.

That is who we are as Christians. Dirty rotten scum, with no hope of tomorrow, where everything we touch turns to dust.. and yet, by some sheer power of grace and love, we were embraced into forgiveness and salvation. And that doesn't make us better than anyone, morally more correct.. we don't have all the answers, but at least we have the answer to a spiritual condition of modern man that has filled his life up with everything else but God.

cue second video:


"they say that good boys walk straight on white lines
and good boys keep their livers clean and smoke out of their lungs
because it's all about what you've done
good boys don't make mistakes to learn from

because when heaven comes
they won't get caught being young

grace, make your way to the well
to those who deserve it
because after all they've earned it
vain, it's in vain
because they don't need it"
-The Hoard by As Cities Burn

epilogue
Is it hard being Christian today? Damn straight it is, when your morals and stands are brought into question by the media, by post-modern culture, by open-mindedness, by anything that is the status quo of modern society. That God is dead, has no place in schools, culture or society.. It's persecution on a much deeper level than just physical death. But somehow, I'd rather have it this way, it'd be too easy if we were all in some church-y bubble of fake smiles, "thanks I'm doing fine" and being good christians because that's what everybody else is doing.

We are who we are, male or female not because we're following what each other is doing, christian or otherwise.. but the compulsion that comes from salvation, and a purpose that could only come from the King of Kings.

And being a manly man? It comes from knowing who you are in your God-given identity. That's an adventure that lasts a lifetime. Love God, love those in your life, love right, and don't hide it. -) I think we can all afford to wear our hearts on sleeves a little more, learn to be vulnerable, mean what we say, love till it breaks our mortal vessels, but allow the most perfect Love of all to course through our veins, and to know this same love ever so intimately.


Brian is a Singaporean blogger who has kept me company numerous times late into the night with his deep and insightful observations on life and love. It's kind of creepy because he can read my mind all the way across the oceans and things seem to happen to us at the same time i.e meeting new people, struggling with similar issues etc. He's one mean bass player, effortlessly cool, tech-savvy, a very good sounding board and the best of virtual beer drinking buddies. To be continued once he's in Australia again =) -Sodabug